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I am not currently engaging in bdsm acts, as I am another female sub with reluctant hubby, but when I fantasize about these things, I am all about it until orgasm. After that, I feel guilty, and I wonder what is wrong with myself. I had a submissive erotic dream when I was 12 (onset of puberty), I engaged in playful acts with a bf when I was 19 (think dirty talk and cheap toys), and I am about to turn 30. IOW, I have known about my orientation (the more I think about it, the more it seems like an orientation), for some time. I am not a leather-clad girl, but I have told my mother who was in an abusive relationship and who wouldn't have understood until recently (she is more open-minded than she used to be). IOW, I am not ashamed of this. I've told my friends; I even mentioned a bf buying me leather in a class discussion, which got a knowing smile from the prof and giggles or bewildered looks from classmates. Fun class! Humiliation is part of my fantasies, but the feelings that follow are not the good kind. How does one deal with this? Is this a "normal" check that allows us to get back to work? I am interested in 24/7, but I am serious about my career. Sometimes I wonder if going 24/7 would hamper my intellectual pursuits, if I wouldn't be able to get out of the fog (bottomspace, whatever.)
How do y'all deal with this? How do your subs deal with this?
Woo-Hoo! First post, y'all.
aisling7
How do y'all deal with this? How do your subs deal with this?
Woo-Hoo! First post, y'all.
aisling7
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