Disapointing my Master?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Sub4Life, Feb 18, 2010.

  1. Sub4Life

    Sub4Life Member

    Well, during roleplay, my Master will somtimes hit me, and that's not a problem, I enjoy it, and He always makes sure not to really hurt me. But recently we were "playing" and He hit me in the face, and pretty hard. Harder than He meant to, and it left a pretty bad bruise, (I've gotten bruises before but not this bad/obvious.) and I was pretty shaken up. (he usually just slaps me, but he ended up hitting me with his fist this time.)

    We stopped and He was very sorry and made sure I was ok and took care of me. I have been nervous to do anything real rough latley, which is my Master's favorite thing to do. He says that He is fine with it and that I can take as much time as I need, and I know I will be fine in a little bit, I am just a little shell shocked.

    But I feel like I am letting him down in a way. He says He understands and He doesnt want to rush me. I am afraid that he is more disapointed in me then he is letting on.

    I guess my question is mainly to Doms. If you were in my Master position with your slave/pet/sub/bottom, would you be disapointed in them. Not just that you have to stop your activities, but dispointed in your sub themself?

    And have any Subs ever felt like this. Like your Master has told you he is not upset, but you still feel like you are letting Him down and guilty?

  2. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

    It would probably be a good idea to try and see this through his eyes.

    He let "you" down. He seems sorry about it, he cares how you feel, and he is fine giving you time to get through it and trust this kind of scene again.

    This is the part where we are brought back to the reality that there is great responsibility that a Dom has to take in what they do with/to a helpless sub. It is often a fine line between hurt and harm.

    Since this seems to be a real departure from the norm, I guess it's good that he reacted the way he did. If he hadn't, your comfort level would continue to go down, to the point where even light scenes cause anxiety.

    That kind of anxiety is not a turn on.

    Trust that he is telling you the truth and take time you need to trust the scene, and his role in it, again.
    It's almost impossible not to make any mistakes when you're role playing like that. How I, as Dom, deal with those mistakes defines me, and helps you define, for yourself, what you are to me.
  3. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    It's also important to keep in mind that a lot of doms pride themselves on being very in control of the scene. They want to have complete control of what happens. And this time something happened that your master didn't intend at all. If I read you right, instead of slapping you he hit you with a closed fist. So he probably feels guilty for harming you and inadequate for not having controlled the scene properly. As L8nightQ says, he probably feels like he failed in his responsibilities to you.
  4. WmaGuy

    WmaGuy Member

    If I were your master, I absolutely, positively would not be disappointed with you....I cannot imagine losing control to that extent. To put it mildly, he screwed up royally and should really take a step back and check himself....I agree with L8 and sebastian...This is his problem and not yours...You are on the unfortunate receiving end of someone who lost control - he should take a break as well. Have you talked with him about where his head was at when he did this?
  5. Sub, the first bit happens, I myself have done this, and felt like shit after the event, certainly not blaming OLP for it in any way, or being disappointed in her any way, the second bit, however, worries me somewhat.
    A closed fist is up a league in my book, and I would never do that, why would he do that in this instance? :(
  6. Sub4Life

    Sub4Life Member

    MoP: The scene was getting prety intense. And he has been my master for about two years now, and we have had really intense scenes before, but this was different. I think he might have had a glass of Vodka(he is so stereotypical) after work, which was right before he came home and we started.

    He has never drank before any BDSM "activities" before, and I dont think either of us were well prepared for the scene. I dont really know how it happened,and I really dont know if he knows. When I first got hit I was to busy holding my face to look at him, lol, but afterward he really looked horrified. Have you ever felt that kind of haze during sex when you just kind of do stuff without really thinking. I think that happened, and I guess now, after reading your replies, he is probably upset with himself for getting to that point.

    He has called me to apologize a few times and I have seen him since, since I spend most nights at his apartment. I still feel safe with him and love him, but I have a moderate to severe anxiety disorder, so the hit has just kind of shocked me and I am a little nervous. Plus, this is one of our first real problems since the begining of our BDSM relationship.

    I am going to try to talk to him about it tonight, when he get's home. I'll let you know how things go.

    Thank you guys :) I feel much better now. I think I mistook his disapointment with himself for dispointment in me.
  7. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    The formal literature on BDSM generally emphasizes that the dom should not drink or do drugs before a scene, because of the importance of being completely in control. Whether one glass of vodka was enough to impair him depends I suppose on the size of the glass, the size of your master, and his tolerance level, but to me it sounds like the thing to learn from this incident is that he shouldn't drink before a scene.
  8. Sub4Life

    Sub4Life Member

    He is pretty tall, and slender, and as a Russian, really enjoys his vodka, lol, so he has a pretty high tolerance level, so I dont know if the alcohol has anything to do with it, and I dont know how much he drank, if it all, I just know somtimes he stops for a glass after work, so I threw it out there.

    He's never been drunk during a scene before, so I dont really know what happened as of right now. :-/
  9. It is incredibly important you sit and talk this through at some point.
    Sort it out, and then put it behind you.
  10. Sub4Life

    Sub4Life Member

    I have had a talk with my Master. But before I get into that i want to clarify somthing. He did hit me with a closed fist, but not as if he were going to punch someone. His hand came down as if he was going to slap me with his palm, but his fingers were curled into a fist. If that made sense.

    Anyway, we sat down and had a very long talk. He said, he had, had some drinks with friends and hadnt planned on having a scene that night. He said he should have said no to starting anything, but didnt and we started playing. When he hit me, he was intending a slap, but because of slight intoxication and the kind of high from the scene it was a kind of side ways punch.

    He said he made a mistake and apologized and we agreed to be more careful when entering a scene. I think it was a small slip up compared to some horror stories I have heard. Hopfully we can move past it now and learn from it.

    The talk was very reassuring though. It was very long and personal, so I wont go into details but I feel much better about the situation and about us. I'll answer any questions, I just dont want to go about explaining it all when some people may have no interest.

    Thank you all for your help so much! :).
  11. WmaGuy

    WmaGuy Member

    I'm glad you have it worked out and that he's seen the error of his ways...Take things slow. In many ways, he violated your trust a bit and I think he needs to earn it back. Having been in the submissive role, I can relate to the amount of trust one must place in the person who's dominant. Something like this just should not happen and I hope he goes to whatever lengths necessary to ensure it will not again...Good luck out there s4l...
  12. Sub4Life

    Sub4Life Member

    WmaGuy. That was one of the things we talked about. trust, and My Masters agrees with you, based on what he said to me. He says we will move at my pace. It is hard for me not to trust him though. On top of him being my Master, we are in a very serious relationship and I love him. So my trust hasnt been to badly affected.
  13. I'm glad to hear that you have cleared the air, and got things sorted :)
  14. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Me too. Sounds like you guys did exactly what you needed to do, just like anytime a couple has an issue.

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