TPE relationships

Anna2 · Jan 20, 2012

My husband and I are not even close to this point yet but who knows maybe over time.....mostly though we are equals until it's time to go to bed.
I guess my questions are for the 24/7 couples. How did you get there? Do you still have other stuff that you do like work/school? Does your master/sir make ALL decisions (where you live, what you wear etc) or is that micromanaging someone? And who has time to do that anyway? Did you write up a contract? Is it permanent or could your master in theory give you away to someone (or is that just something that happens in fiction)? I can't imagine being vulnerable with someone only for them to give me away.
Thanks!

Kor · Jan 20, 2012

Anna2 said:
Does your master/sir make ALL decisions (where you live, what you wear etc) or is that micromanaging someone? And who has time to do that anyway?

That seems to be a common fantasy, but it's not one of mine. Dominance is only part of who I am; I have a life outside that and away from my sub. I don't have the kind of A.D.D. mentality to want to micromanage someone's life.

Do you *want* to turn your entire life over to your husband as your dominant? Does *he* want to manage your life in detail? Are you really attracted to the idea, or do you feel it's expected of you?

Remember, it's not about what others do, it's about what works for the two of you.

> Did you write up a contract?

A list of expectations and duties might help. You could start with the basic vanilla marriage stuff: will one or both of you be working? Will you have separate, joint, or a single account? Will you keep your own check or turn it over to him, get an allowance, or beg for money when you need it? Will he allow you to keep your existing circle of friends? Who will have the final say on when and what your activities will be (vacation, dinner out, movies, etc.) Do you plan on having children? If so, who decides when, and will one of you quit work to provide care?

By contrast, the basics of a BDSM relationship mostly fall into simple yes/no decisions.

sebastian · Jan 20, 2012

There's a lot of variation even in TPE, as Kor points out. Some TPE couples want the sub to only do what s/he is told to do by the dom/me. I tend to think of that as the robot sub, who has no initiative and only responds to commands and protocols. Others want a sub who has significant autonomy to do what the dom would want, even if the dom hasn't said so. Personally, that's the sort of sub I want. I don't want to tell my slave 'you need to do the dishes now'. I want a slave who will think "there are dishes to be cleaned; the most pleasing use of my time for my master is for me to wash the dishes. After I've done that, I should run those errands. And when I get home, I'll remind my master that he needs to pay that bill." But that's just me. If you want to be a robot sub, and that's what your dom would like, then explore that.

Sally · Jan 20, 2012

My Lord, make decisions and decide, I'm pretty disobedient, but I know he's boss and keeps me within the limits I know is dangerous. he decides what I eat, I'm actually on a diet of oatmeal porridge ... I personally can not live on it, so we follow it as far as it goes, I speak up if I do not want to play any more and then decide myself what to eat without consequences. if we do not do this, I become rebellious and when he puts me in my place, I feel that trust is broken. (I still work with why I feel that way) I begin to take major responsibility of what is fine for me and what is not. otherwise, he controls all the time.

but he is also great to read my body language. He understands when I do not want to play but takes control of everyday life, but even then I know he's the boss (this is the top sub?) we have no contract but we talk a lot together, and talking with others who like the same things. we change the rules and ways we do things all the time.

hope this helps

Smallest · Jan 20, 2012

No one can live on that... that's how you get malnourished.

JettOnly · Jan 20, 2012

Sorry, why only porridge??
I dont mean to be rude but I find that very wrong
To be in a 24/7 relationship you would have to trust the dom that the aspects of your life he controled he did so safely for you
A restrictive diet like that is not safe for you
Therefore you cannot trust him to choose your diet for you

Sally · Jan 21, 2012

it will not be long, and he gives me supplements, vitamins, minerals and oil. I'm allowed to drink my coffee, where I get sugar. think he likes to not give me taste. and to provide better self-control of what I eat now that we begin to train.

ImperialConditioning · Jan 21, 2012

What sebastian explained is kind of how I treat my Mistress (and it has gotten even better since I was given further clarification on this in another thread). I'm submissive where I try to anticipate what my Mistress needs at all times. It's just understood that I will be driving her around, cooking, cleaning, food shopping, laundry, etc. The more this behavior is practiced, the more submissive I feel, and the more dominant she feels. I don't receive harsh punishments 24/7, it's more like she plays with me because she feels I deserve her attention for being good.

Knots · Jan 21, 2012

My husband and I are not even close to this point yet but who knows maybe over time.....mostly though we are equals until it's time to go to bed.
I guess my questions are for the 24/7 couples. How did you get there? Do you still have other stuff that you do like work/school? Does your master/sir make ALL decisions (where you live, what you wear etc) or is that micromanaging someone? And who has time to do that anyway? Did you write up a contract? Is it permanent or could your master in theory give you away to someone (or is that just something that happens in fiction)? I can't imagine being vulnerable with someone only for them to give me away.
Thanks!

I currently only have one, 24/7, TPE relationship. Which is the one I shall answer with.

How did you get there? Me and my girl got very close over a number of years, she begged for me to collar her and then I claimed her as my own.

Do you still have other stuff that you do like work/school? Yes, my field of work is music. My girl is less devoted to work/school, and will likely be a kept pet for a large part of next year though I think she'll have a part time job later on in the year.

Does your Master make all the decisions? In principle, yes everything is by my say so. I don't however need to tell my girl to put the dishes away or give her specific instructions as to how to serve me.

Did you write up a contract? No. That's not how we work or how we want to.

JettOnly said:
Sorry, why only porridge??
I dont mean to be rude but I find that very wrong
To be in a 24/7 relationship you would have to trust the dom that the aspects of your life he controled he did so safely for you
A restrictive diet like that is not safe for you
Therefore you cannot trust him to choose your diet for you

You have no right to decide that for Sally. You advising against it due to health reasons is obviously fine but for you to tell her she cannot trust him isn't fine.

JettOnly · Jan 21, 2012

I didnt say she couldnt trust him - I said she couldnt trust him to choose her diet for her if it was detrimental to her health
She has since clarified that it is not long term and is provided with supliments

But I stand buy what I said IF someone is asking another to do something that is not safe for them then they cannot trust them to make that choice for them

I didnt say she cannot trust him period

TPE relationships

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