TPE relationships

Knots · Jan 21, 2012

JettOnly said:
I didnt say she couldnt trust him - I said she couldnt trust him to choose her diet for her if it was detrimental to her health
She has since clarified that it is not long term and is provided with supliments

But I stand buy what I said IF someone is asking another to do something that is not safe for them then they cannot trust them to make that choice for them

I didnt say she cannot trust him period

It doesn't make any difference to me if you're TELLING her she cannot trust him in a general sense or a specific sense. You catergorically TOLD someone she cannot trust someone on the basis of - as you have you yourself just said - extremely limited information. This isn't helpful or justified, whereas you advising she didn't trust him if he insisted upon such things would be justified and probably more helpful.

People have a habit of running away from "help" when the "help" tell them such things about a loved one (even if, unlike this case, it's justified). What's the point in you sharing your beliefs to help someone if it just pushes them further away?

No offence meant, I know you're just trying to help but I dissagree with your approach, is all.

JettOnly · Jan 21, 2012

While I appreciate what you are saying I strongly believe in saftey
Not just of the person in the thread but also for people who may be reading the thread without posting
Yes there is ways and ways of saying things, without making a really long post I thought my post was clearly saying that if someone told another to follow a diet like that then it was unsafe - and in that situation then it was the responsibility of the sub to keep themselves safe - and therefore they would not be able to trust the dom to choose their diet

If nothing was said then another dom could read the post and think it perfectly OK to restrict their sub's diet in such a way.

I know you mean well by your post also - but you could also chase people away from a forum by telling them they have no right to their oppinion

rooluvr · Jan 21, 2012

I can only speak for myself. I couldn't really handle a 24/7 relationship of the type you're talking about. I feel as though I am more multi-fasceted than that. I would personally find the requirement to play that specific role all the time to be quite draining.

But as they say, different strokes for different folks (literally it seems).

Knots · Jan 21, 2012

JettOnly said:
While I appreciate what you are saying I strongly believe in saftey
Not just of the person in the thread but also for people who may be reading the thread without posting
Yes there is ways and ways of saying things, without making a really long post I thought my post was clearly saying that if someone told another to follow a diet like that then it was unsafe - and in that situation then it was the responsibility of the sub to keep themselves safe - and therefore they would not be able to trust the dom to choose their diet

If nothing was said then another dom could read the post and think it perfectly OK to restrict their sub's diet in such a way.

I know you mean well by your post also - but you could also chase people away from a forum by telling them they have no right to their oppinion

This implies I don't believe in safety which is false, nor am I suggesting you make a really long post.

I am however, not bothering anymore.

JettOnly · Jan 21, 2012

It implies nothing about you it is a simple line taken out of context from the rest of the post

Sorry everyone else for taking the thread off topic.

Anna2 · Jan 21, 2012

If I walked up and asked my husband "So, what would you like me to do around here" he would (justifiably) think I was a moron. After all, I know what to do. It's not like we just met or just moved in together.
I guess didn't get much feedback from him when I did ask if there was anything ELSE that I wasn't already doing, that he wanted. He occasionally asks for a back massage but I guess I must be doing whatever he wants me to be doing because he's not complaining.
Maybe it's just that I was doing the same stuff before we took an interest in D/s, and am continuing to do it now, that makes me feel like there hasn't been much of a change in our relationship outside of the bedroom. So I wouldn't know whether we are engaged in power exchange 24/7 or not.

Sally · Jan 21, 2012

Stop doing things. let him be aware of what your responsibilities are, do not do anything until he tells you to, let him teach you everything. use a day going through all the essentials. I would have done, is to bow before his feet, kissing them and asked him if he can show me how to wash the dishes / laundry / cleaning.

I would not have given him no choice, only told that from now on he will teach me. bow myself unprovoked, that is humiliating. it will be easier for him to ask for things later, he is not used to it yet and then it is difficult to be determined. my Lord and me had some of the same problem when we first got together. to become Dom is not as easy as you might think. hehe, you have to "train him" lol. the table turned.

Kor · Jan 21, 2012

Anna2 said:
Maybe it's just that I was doing the same stuff before we took an interest in D/s, and am continuing to do it now, that makes me feel like there hasn't been much of a change in our relationship outside of the bedroom.

Okay, do you *want* a change outside the bedroom? And, of course, does he? And if outside, is it limited to when you're together privately, or does it apply when you're in public? How much of your lifestyle are you willing to share with your family, friends, workplace, or passing strangers? Do you have any future plans where this might adversely affect your life?

So I wouldn't know whether we are engaged in power exchange 24/7 or not

It sounds like you require external reminders or reinforcements of your status. That's normal. Those reminders come from either you or your husband. He can, as many dominants do, require you to do scheduled or random things just to show that you must obey. You may unilaterally decide to address him in a certain manner or establish certain rituals if your husband has no preference.

As far as power exchange happening... the primary visible aspect of this exchange is obedience. If you disobey, what happens? If it's nothing of consequence, there's no power exchange. "Of consequence" is the slippery concept here; it has to be something that matters to both of you, which will affect one or both of you for the worse. If he reaches for the cane and you both have a violent and enjoyable session beating the brat out of you, there has been no consequence. If you're miserable from guilt until it starts affecting your life, that *is* a consequence, even if your husband didn't notice.

Anna2 · Jan 21, 2012

Kor said:
It sounds like you require external reminders or reinforcements of your status. That's normal. Those reminders come from either you or your husband. He can, as many dominants do, require you to do scheduled or random things just to show that you must obey. You may unilaterally decide to address him in a certain manner or establish certain rituals if your husband has no preference.

As far as power exchange happening... the primary visible aspect of this exchange is obedience. If you disobey, what happens? If it's nothing of consequence, there's no power exchange. "Of consequence" is the slippery concept here; it has to be something that matters to both of you, which will affect one or both of you for the worse. If he reaches for the cane and you both have a violent and enjoyable session beating the brat out of you, there has been no consequence. If you're miserable from guilt until it starts affecting your life, that *is* a consequence, even if your husband didn't notice.

In answer to youir question, yes I do want more of a change. We don't have any rituals in place so I'm sure that would be a start. He controls a lot of things such as computer time, money, communicating with difficult people, how often we go out, bedroom activities, etc. If I make him mad he can easily take something away from me and sometimes he does. Sometimes he is nice though and realizes I've had a rough day and lets it slide. He did collar me at one point too but I already wear a wedding ring so it seemed sort of redundant- I obviously belonged to him already. We have kids so certain things have to be private, therefore I am not walking around 24 hrs a day with a collar on, but I don't need to really, it's more a state of my mind and heart.

ImperialConditioning · Jan 21, 2012

The girl said "diet of oatmeal porridge." That's a cause for concern, Jett was merely expressing concern. Not everybody pays close attention to every little detail of how they say something. You say she was "telling," it appeared she merely presented it that way out of concern for another human's well being.

People sometimes get carried away and it's good to take in some other perspectives so that they can get a reality check (i.e. the thread about keeping a razor blade in your mouth).

As it turns out Sally wasn't only eating porridge so I'm not understanding why the argument was even started...this point was made evident before Knots' post. lol

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