Married couples and a BDSM lifestyle

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Lancaster, Dec 8, 2012.

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  1. Lancaster

    Lancaster New Member

    We are a married (over 15 years) couple who have fairly recently discovered that we have each harboured privatley a fascination and desire to live/participate/explore BDSM. I am dominant - she is sub. Which just goes to show you you never really know a person completely... While we are happy to learn about eachother we are newbies in the non-vanilla world and really excited each time we push the limits.

    That being what it is - I would like to hear from other married couples that either have begun their courtship in a BDSM fashion or after they had become a couple:
    • What form does your BDSm relationship take - 24/7, TPE. in the "bedroom" only?
    • How has it changed your "partnership?
    • do you attend a BDSm group and/or participate in scenes or "play" with others or group? And if you do how was that negotiated and did either of you have reservations about it?
    • Did you share your lifestyle change with any friends?
    • Did you experience any one in your BDSM group (if you attend munches etc) that you knew before you discovered your kink? How did you handle it?
    • Have you ever gone to a kinky event and run into someone you knew outside of your circle of fellow kinksters - how did you handle that?
    I know this seems like a lot of questions but we are new to this and want to attned local BDSM munches etc. to learn from others far more experienced with the lifestyle but we are concerned with our friends or family finding out and all that may go with that... Am I/are we being paranoid?

    Thanks for you input.
     
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  2. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    We're commonlaw, close enough.

    What form does your BDSm relationship take - 24/7, TPE. in the "bedroom" only?
    24/7, but not always TPE

    How has it changed your "partnership?
    We're closer if anything. I don't think it's changed much though, we have always loved and respected eachother

    do you attend a BDSm group and/or participate in scenes or "play" with others or group? And if you do how was that negotiated and did either of you have reservations about it?
    We attend a group, but do not play with them. The times we've experimented with others, we did have reservations, but got through them with lots of open communication.

    Did you share your lifestyle change with any friends?
    Not the change, but two of my friends know. One is our roommate, so I wanted her to know so she wouldn't be surprised if something magically became visible to her (we respect her consent and would never be careless and expose anything to her). The other one who knows is one who wanted more of a BDSM relationship with her boyfriend and is quiet, so I shared things with her. I don't consider it something to gossip about, or something for giggling about, so I don't tell people who wouldn't take it seriously. One acquaintance knows because we worked on a project about BDSM together in school. And I don't see the point in telling people in general, it's not really their business, why would I need to broadcast it? (not directed at you). People who do share without reason other than chat it baffle me.

    Did you experience any one in your BDSM group (if you attend munches etc) that you knew before you discovered your kink? How did you handle it?
    Not applicable to me, but I'd just be friendly with them and see how it went. Obviously neither of us can be ashamed of the other if we're both there.

    Have you ever gone to a kinky event and run into someone you knew outside of your circle of fellow kinksters - how did you handle that?
    Same as above
     
  3. spike

    spike New Member

    I am curious , how you guys found out about each other's interested?
     
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  4. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    In my case we talked about it, I imagine that's how most couples do.
     
  5. Lancaster

    Lancaster New Member

    Like Small - we talked about it. We had flirted with some light bondage and some mild spanking but never got beyond that. I will have to say that a about a year and ahalf ago whilst on holidays the wife read a book (no not 50 Shades - although she has since read the trilogy) and it opened up the dialogue for a more serious exploration of our individual kink. :devil:
     
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  6. rosie 1

    rosie 1 New Member

    We havebeen married 23 yrs and discovered our love of this about 2yrs ago and love it we dont involve others but have talked about going somewhere to learn more but not sure where to start looking. I am the sub we can only really do this in the bedroom due to family still living at home :)
     
  7. As a note we are not married yet but are getting married in June

    What form does your BDSm relationship take - 24/7, TPE. in the "bedroom" only?
    24/7
    How has it changed your "partnership?
    For the better we get so much out of it in the bedroom making it so much nicer for us both
    do you attend a BDSm group and/or participate in scenes or "play" with others or group? And if you do how was that negotiated and did either of you have reservations about it?
    No we don't we are monogamous
    Did you share your lifestyle change with any friends?
    Yeah we have some friends interested
    Have you ever gone to a kinky event and run into someone you knew outside of your circle of fellow kinksters - how did you handle that?
    Yeah it turned out my best friend was into it and we didn't know and met him there was a fun night I was tied up 2hole fucked
     
  8. reduk

    reduk New Member

    We have been married for a ni=umber of years and have flirted with it a number of times. It is about communication and trust. Also ass we have grown older we have changed as people and our play reflects this. keep it fresh, keep it consentual
     
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