Things have gone up a level


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This is probably going to sound kind of 'meh' on here, as what I am about to describe is second nature to a lot of you, but to me, it is really important, and something I want to share.

Up until now, the BDSM aspect of my relationship with my master has been mainly exploratory, just taking the time to learn what we like and don't like, how far to take pain play, sort of thing. Although I have been into bondage and other similar things for years, this is my first 'proper' BDSM relationship, and as a result I had (and still have) a lot to learn.

Most of our more intense play has been done in the guise of various 'characters' we have made up, but never as 'master' and 'slave' as it were. I would read about this type of play a lot, and my curiosity was roused, but neither my master or I felt ready to give that a try.

Over the last few days, though, several things happened to change all that. One thing my master and I had discussed for a long time, but never actually done, was for him to dress as a woman to dominate me, and last weekend we finally got to do this. He was very harsh but fair, and revelled in humiliating me. He ordered me to kneel at his feet, arse in the air, head touching the ground between his feet, and me holding his stiletto heels like the bars of a cell. This, and the cross dressing, had a profound impact on us both, and set the wheels in motion for what would happen next.

A few days later, during an online talk, he confessed that while dressed as a woman, he had felt like he could try certain things he had previously felt unable to try, and so agreed that I would be seeing my 'mistress' again. At the same time, I was also given the pet name of 'cunt'. When I confessed how aroused and ashamed his calling me this made me feel, our first online BDSM game began.

I confessed to enjoying a self bondage session the day before our cross dressing game, and found myself begging him to allow me to restrain myself in some way there and then. This is something that I would never have felt brave enough to do normally, but I was unusually horny, as in more so than usual. He ordered me to insert a butt plug, and to apply nipple clamps and a ball gag, to continue our chat. When I returned to the computer after obeying his order, I was shaking, with excitement and disbelief at what I was doing. It would have been so easy to just pretend to obey his order (neither of us have webcams) but we both knew instinctively that I wouldn't, couldn't, have done that.

The actual 'game' here was basically him degrading me and making me humiliated, and I found myself voluntarily confessing to bad things, which earned me a flogging at our next meeting. But the effect the whole experience had on me was overwhelming. It was something I'd never done before, and I knew I needed more of it, and for real too.

When we next met, I was ordered beforehand to be kneeling on his arrival at my flat, and not to make eye contact. He was very cold to me, ordering to put my head between his feet and to hold on to the army boots he had on. I was made to greet him with a collar between my teeth, and to present him with the instruments of torture he was about to use on me. Basically, he just used me, for hours, and for some reason I did not once try to fight him, as I've always done before. I didn't want to. I didn't want to rebel, but to do as I was told, and live to please my master.

We are not turning 24/7 or anything, but I feel like we have definitely gone up a level here. I'm sure we will still continue to play all the games we played before, but now I think I am starting to truly understand about submission and what it means.

Sorry for rambling, but I just had to share...thanks for reading :)
 
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