the right book

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Roland, Jul 31, 2012.

  1. Roland

    Roland Member

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    My wife has been reading The New Bottoming Book as I have instructed her, but she has correctly pointed out that it focuses quite a bit on club meetings and more casual encounters. We are trying to develop a monogamous D/s relationship utilizing rewards for good behavior but no overt punishments for bad behavior. Can anyone recommend something that is more in line with that? Or will The New Bottoming Book flesh that out later in the book?

    Some additional background...I am a systems administrator and she is being hired as an application developer where I work. She is very intelligent, but needs me to control her life in many ways to be happy. At the same time, she has the intense desire to give herself to me to satisfy any and all of my desires. We are starting out slow right now but intend on making her obedience to all of my commands a requirement for all time outside of work. We both enjoy it when I spank her, and may incorporate more activities like that in the future, but for now our main focus is primarily psychological, not physical.

    Keep in mind that I see her as an equal in my relationship in many things, but our D/s desires can no longer be ignored, and she will no willingly submit to all of my desires within reason, and with the protection of safe words. So again, suggestions for a book or books that can help her along the way, even if they are not perfect for the job, would be much appreciated. Thanks!
  2. sweetsub31

    sweetsub31 New Member

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    I don't have any book suggestions, but congrats on her getting the job!! That's great!
  3. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Rewards for good behavior can take a lot of forms.

    1) Verbal acknowledgement and praise
    2) A type of play that she especially enjoys
    3) Release for a normal chore or other duty, preferably one she dislikes
    4) A small privilege, like watching a favorite tv show or the lifting of a restriction temporarily
    5) A small gift such as a new toy, a meal out, a sexy item of clothing, or even just a trip to the movies

    Scale the rewards to meet the accomplishments. Praise her every time she does something new, reward her with special play or release from a chore periodically, and give her gifts when she does something really significant. Give her a goal to work toward and tell her that there's a specific reward for hitting that goal ("If you learn to remain kneeling for 15 minutes without moving, I'll buy you that lace teddy you said you wanted").

    In order for rewards to work, however, they can't be automatic. She has to feel like she's improved, met a challenge, or otherwise pushed herself in some way.
  4. Roland

    Roland Member

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    Thanks sweetsub!

    Thanks for the advice, Seb.

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