I am very curious about the lifestyle. Looking back with the knowledge I have today, I can clearly see that my earliest sexual fantasies were kinks, and any fantasies I ever had about a relationship with a woman (beyond sex) also followed that line. Indeed, the idea of a vanilla relationship is one I find difficult to relate to. My background and personality, however, make it... difficult, at best, to explore this. I suffered agoraphobia from age 7 to 24, so went a significant (and important) portion of my life largely avoiding contact with people. Even though I was treated quite a few years ago now and live a 'normal' life, normal for me does not extend much beyond going to work, doing shopping, etc. I have no particular fears with relationships any more, but I am socially extremely awkward. This awkwardness extends to an extreme shyness around those I am not extremely familiar with, as I do not know how to act or make casual conversation. This shyness mellows quickly as I get to know people, but makes it difficult for be to break the ice initially. My hobbies grew to be very inward and isolationist, due to all those years of being unable to face the prospect of anything else. I am a non-drinker/non-smoker, so traditional places for meeting people like bars and nightclubs hold no interest for me (I have tried, but found them tedious places and unenjoyable). I have read a lot of literature on the lifestyle (eg The New Topping/Bottoming Book, etc) which not only enhanced my interest, but also brought me to understand the dangers. I am probably the kind of person most vulnerable to the kinds of people who abuse the trust of a kinky relationship, as I would be incapable of identifying the warning signs. I am not sure I could be a good partner in a kinky relationship either, without some form of 'training' from someone experienced (though, that is probably quite normal). I want to explore this aspect of my personality, but have no idea how to go about it in a safe and sane manner. I have gone all these years without ever having anything that resembled a relationship and find myself unable to imagine how to find something as 'exotic' as a kinky one. Does anyone have any advice on how to get out of this shell and take the first steps into a kinky world?