Curious, how many of you...?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by sluttysub, Apr 22, 2010.

  1. sluttysub

    sluttysub Member

    As I'm sure you all know by now, I have been doing a lot of in depth thinking lately and I got to wondering, how many of you have always had a Dom or sub tendency and how many were never interested in this lifestyle until a significant other (or someone/something else) introduced you? How did you move from that fantasy to the lifestyle?

    For myself, looking back through my life, I can now see that I have always had submissive tendencies. Even before my first sexual encounters, my fantasies all related to being dominated. Gradually over time it became a larger element in my desires until it finally became such a strong need that I could no longer keep quiet. When I was younger, I had no words for what I was feeling, what I wanted. I thought I was the odd man out and that something had to be wrong with me. There were times I felt dirty, guilty, and was thoroughly disgusted with myself for wanting such things. As I explored the internet, I finally discovered what it was that I had been craving all these years. And after searching sites and reading articles and first hand experiences (and now this new book :) ) I began to learn what a true D/s relationship was. I came to the realization that I wasn't so odd, that D/s relationships are not abusive, but loving and nurturing. That when done right, we can see right into our partner's soul.
    (Of course there are the kinky fun parts too :D )
     
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  2. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    Always been a sub, since my first romantic feelings cropped up. Even before that I was interested! (personally I blame Lucy Liu and the movie Payback and this scene from Charlie's Angel's)
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETegyBzAQnc

    Who (besides sebastain) WOULDN'T want a woman like that to dominate them?!
     
  3. As far back as I can remember I have always known I was a sub, but until the past few years never got to get into it. as of right now everything is done in small sessions in the bedroom, but I am about ready to have the long talk about starting some 24/7 things too. I'm hoping it goes well.
     
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  4. Sate_Sprie

    Sate_Sprie Member

    I think I've always had sub tendencies, although I never had a name for it. I didn't like the pain and punishment aspect of it back then as much as I do now, that came along with actually pursuing it. It wasn't a pursued passion of mine, however, until my husband mentioned he was into it. I was already fond of him choking me and telling me what to do, so I guess he was testing the waters. ^_^
     
  5. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    I only realized recently that I was dominant, when a guy I was talking to online offered himself to me as a slave after I told him that like being a little aggressive in bed. I got wildly turned on by his offer and when I started wondering why, a light bulb went on and all these scattered parts of me suddenly made sense organized around the idea of being in control. You would have thought that the fact that I used to occasionally fantasize about tying guys up and beating them would have clued me in to my dominance, but no, somehow it took me 20 years to realize it.
     
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  6. Andy350125

    Andy350125 New Member

    I was always into it in some way or another,just never fully realized what it was.
    Always seemed normal to me,not odd or weird. I actually thought it's AS normal as a normal relationship. So I just went along with it because why not. The problem is other people who don't see it as such a normal thing.
     
  7. sluttysub

    sluttysub Member

    Haha, SLP, you are so right! My husband tells me I'm a closet bi because I can get so turned on by other girls Edit: or at least the thought and visuals, I have yet to enjoy that pleasure. (another good fantasy of mine, but that's another post, lol).

    Handcuff - good luck! :)

    " You would have thought that the fact that I used to occasionally fantasize about tying guys up and beating them would have clued me in to my dominance"
    Yes, Sebastian, that would be a huge hint! ;) Glad you have discovered it though!


    "The problem is other people who don't see it as such a normal thing"
    You are so right, Andy. I think this is why it has taken me so long to get the courage to bring this from the fantasy world into reality. I also think a lot of my feelings of disgust may have come from my strict upbringing. My father was a pastor and sex was very much a no-no. The impression I got was that it was to be limited and kinkiness was dirty. I'm glad to be finding myself though, no longer relying or allowing how I was raised to effect all of my decisions and feelings.
     
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2010
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  8. TerribleT

    TerribleT Member

    Another vote for "always".
    Even as a virgin, I wanted kinky sex.
     
  9. Hopehavoc

    Hopehavoc Member

    I never really thought about it in a sexual sense until recently. I knew that I liked being in control of men and I knew that I didn't mind if a girl was more controlling, in a relationship sense. But, I never extended these thoughts into the bedroom. When a girlfriend brought it up, it all made sense to me.

    But, even having never really thought about it...I always knew that I was switch. Always knew that I could just as easily be in or out of control.
     
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  10. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    Its interesting to me that BDSM is such a core part of many people's lives, and was a strong desire even before many of us had a name or a word for the feeling.

    What an exciting topic to do a paper or research on!
    I would be afraid of what my professors would think though haha
     
  11. SluttySub: Thanks. I got hope, but am nervous about it.

    My wife isn't bi, but loves lesbien porn. She says its because she can see herself in either position for double pleasure. I'm more than happy to watch it with her though! :D

    Andy350125: Other people seeing it as not normal is a huge problem for me too. Only my wife and her best friend know about my likes.
     
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  12. TerribleT: I was watching bdsm porn on the internet years before I had sex for the first time. I always knew I was into it. Some of us just knew what we wanted!
     
  13. TerribleT

    TerribleT Member

    Daaaaaaam! I was in Iraq years before the internet!
    Feelin' old!:(
     
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  14. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

    Always -

    Since I was a kid - before teen years.... Before I knew what it was.

    I remember how I felt when I watching cartoons and would react when I saw a woman get tied to the railroad tracks by the villian (cartoons).

    Anytime someone was tied up and helpless I was watching. When I saw first tit shots in playboy I imagined what the girl would look like tied up.
    When I first got the chance, I got off with just tied sex, then it felt even better to get her off while she was helpless. I could almost absorb her energy when she came, and I could make her come again. What could be better than that.

    Not abused as a child - have know idea how I got that way, just always knew I was that way.

    No porn, no internet then, didn't see it somewhere else. Never stopped. Sometimes suppressed.... But never stopped.
     
  15. Ceilidh

    Ceilidh Member

    Sluttysub, I too have recently done some in depth thinking. Thinking about things in your past and present and analyzing them and "connecting the dots" throughout your entire life...It can be quite the eye-opener.

    I have been thinking long and hard how to word my post...But I just don't know how to word it because my submissiveness is "wired" into every aspect of my life. I'm not saying I'm some doormatt and I let everyone walk over me. Just most. But like everybody you have your fill and let them know when enough is enough.

    Now, why is submissive in every aspect of my life? I'm not sure. It could be I was raised to be "seen and not heard" -- which could be why I'm so naturally silent and observant. Also as I was growing up, I never got into trouble -- I was never punished or dissapointed my family. Perhaps since I didn't experience that growing up could be why I want to be spanked..? And could also be why I'm a bit of a martyr for pain now..example, I currently have had a headache for the last 48 hours, and haven't taken any medications...

    It could also be partly because of my "daddy issues" -- Yes. I have "daddy issues" and I don't need a therapist to tell me so. I'll spare everyone these details, but I will say that I have related my "daddy issues" to my need of being wanted by others...Like I will go out of my way and then some, to please and do as my friends ask..Sometimes when they don't even ask just so I could feel wanted or needed by them. So, maybe that has something to do with my submissiveness...

    Fantasies. The fantasies I had when I was very young, mostly revolved around being tied up and kidnapped.....when I started "self love" I would always feel guilty afterwards....

    Porn. The porn I always looked at were females, for a couple of reasons -- 1) I could imagine myself in their place and 2) the photos of the men just didn't seem realistic to me...I mean come on. If you were to have 10 random guys walk into a room and drop their pants, how many would really be that big?? My boyfriend at the time was so small it was riddiclous.

    And even before I discovered my Submissiveness. I was always wanting to be tied down during sex and blindfolded...
     
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2010

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