The Dom/Orgasm connection

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by subspace, Feb 13, 2010.

  1. subspace

    subspace Member

    Several Dom’s on the forum this week have mentioned the fact that they have a difficult time reaching orgasm. Do you think this has anything to do with being a Dom? I guess I am wondering if it makes you a better Dom. My first guess is that it allows you to concentrate on your sub and keeps the scene from ending too soon (so my issue in life!). My biggest frustration is that once my Top cums the scene is almost always over, for me they are over way too soon and think it would be so nice to have more attention paid to my orgasm than his. Do you think that not having to constantly be worried that you are going to cum allows a Dom much more control than if you were constantly thinking about your own orgasm?
     
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  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Didn't Kermit the Frog explore this question? Someday we'll find it, the Dom/Orgasm Connection...

    It's an interesting question, Subspace. Certainly this was an issue long before I recognized myself as dominant. The fact that cumming is sometimes a challenge for me taught me that sex is about more than blowing my load. I can have a very good time playing for an hour or two without having an orgasm. I always prefer having one, but I do think it's made me a better lover. In particular, it's taught me that there's a lot of pleasure to be had in giving someone else pleasure. In some ways, that's part of what I like most about being dominant. I love that feeling I get when I get a guy to blow--there's a real sense of power. One of the guys I play with regularly tells me that I get an almost demonic expression on my face as I'm building him up to an orgasm. And don't tell my sub Alex this, but pleasuring him is much more important to me than getting pleasured. So I guess I would say that my difficulty cumming makes me more focused on my partner.
     
  3. Death

    Death Member

    If you train a lot, you will, voluntarily or involuntarily, perform kegel exercises, which will make it more difficult to come as easily. And I think many doms want to be strong, so that might have a lot to do with it.

    Coming too early wouldn't be a problem for me... I'd just continue, anyway, until she'd come over and over... preferredly, I'd want to make her squirt every time and making her faint from pleasure would be ideal. I've come three times in a single masturbation session at most, and I could probably come more than that, but it gets less motivating when you don't do it while fucking. While the second time use to be even better for me, I'm sure that even the third and more would be great if you'd come while fucking... the girl I'd have would surely give me all the motivation I could ever need... although she'd be my slave, usually her total pleasure would be my main focus... how could I possibly stop if I wouldn't feel she'd had enough? The best would be if she'd beg me to stop since she would've come so many times.... -_- when she'd feel she can't take it, anymore....
     
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  4. kittengrey

    kittengrey Member

    My master trained himself to have full control over his male parts. Hell, I can touch him and tease him for an hour, and he won't get an erection unless his guard slips or he just lets it come up. Same thing with an orgasm, he can hold it back for as long as he wants. But me and Master both normally multi-gasm while having sex, after about the third time for him the forth one is normally a bit painful. We've never not finished each other off, cuz if he can't come anymore, he'll finish me off with the vibrator
     
  5. subspace

    subspace Member

    Wow, you Dom's are so amazing! I truly admire and respect your dedication to your subs.
    Kitten - any idea what you Dom is thinking about to keep it under control? Just curious because with Sebastian and Grey they are not actively trying to not cum.
    Death- I have never heard of a man having multiples that are less than maybe 10-15 minutes apart, and even at that it's rare. Is it natural or something you have had to work to accomplish?
     
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  6. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Believe me, for me actively trying to cum doesn't seem to matter. I've had many occasions where I could feel myself being just under the tipping point and somehow not getting there. This happens particularly during oral. It's not as much of an issue with anal.
     
  7. WmaGuy

    WmaGuy Member

    I have this philosophy - consider it a personal one I suppose. I never worry about my orgasm - ever. If I am there 100% to ensure to satisfaction of my partner and my partner is there 100% to ensure mine - everyone wins. My focus as a Dom is solely on my sub - with the side-effect being, I get this huge visual and tactile turn-on. The vision of my partner bound, gagged and dressed to the nines in lingerie, is a mental orgasm that is hard to describe. My orgasm may lay minutes, or even hours away, (in a case or two days). When it finally comes, it is not somehow a magical signal that play is over - in fact, it could just be the very beginning......
     
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  8. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Wmaguy, I'm much the same way. Even before I realized I was dominant, I felt that my job in sex was to make sure the other guy had the most fun possible, and I expected him to have the same attitude about me. In fact, I tend to think that way about all relationship stuff, which is not always the best thing.
     
  9. Sub4Life

    Sub4Life Member

    I dont think my Master has ever had a problem cumming. It takes him a while, but I dont know if that has anything to do with him being a Dom or him just being mature and experienced, or if it has to do with him being a dom.

    I know that after he cums it is pretty much over, so I think he holds it off on purpose until he is done playing with me.
     
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  10. Death

    Death Member

    I didn't mean that I can come again right after an orgasm - 10-15 minutes apart sounds likely, though... I've never actually measured. When it's been the third time, it takes longer, though.

    EDIT: Forgot... no, it's not something I've trained to be able to do... I just noticed I could do it, one day. It was and is just a matter of discipline and especially sexy thoughts and it was/is easily possible.

    Blanking my mind out is a good way for me. Of course, I'm sure it must be much harder to blank out during sex, though... but I believe you become able to do that, with time, as well... just... blanking out...
     
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2010
  11. WmaGuy

    WmaGuy Member

    I'm glad I'm not alone in that thought and you're right - it's not always beneficial in all aspects of a relationship, but I find it hard to change....So far, it's worked out well in the bedroom - with one exception. I guess I can count myself lucky to have had partners who feel the same way. There's a freedom in not focusing on your own pleasure - I suppose it's akin to an aspect of being Dom as well. My attention is on the person I'm with and as I said, the payoff is an entire mental/spiritual orgasm that in some was eclipses the ultimate release....

    As to the question of controlling and multiples, I don't try an impede my orgasm - if it's there, it's there - whether it be 30-seconds or 30-minutes, when it's time - it's time and does not signal the end of anything. Multiples are a different matter altogether. They can, have and do happen, but like subspace indicated, they are few, far between and spaced many, many minutes apart. The one exception was a pretty regular multiple with a girlfriend who was so into oral sex that it defied imagination. I know many women say they love giving head - this woman embodied it - completely. There were times when I would orgasm and she would without skipping a beat, keep going and before I knew it, I'd be off again...Amazing.
     
  12. kittengrey

    kittengrey Member

    I'm not sure what he thinks actually. He has many 'metal blocks' where he can put metal walls up around certain things. Truthfully, I can turn myself off easily; I just pay no mind to what's happening. He can be in the middle of fucking me and I can turn my sex drive off automatically just by deadening the mental arousal. Its not really thinking about a certain thing, its just taking the mental arousal and erasing it. Though, sometimes my mind does that when I don;t want it to and it sucks something awful.
     

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