Lookin for advice...

KingD13 · Aug 24, 2012

I had this super long descriptive email wrote and my phone died so I'll jus go with the short to the point version. I've been reading and researching constantly for the last couple weeks (newcomer FAQ, various threads and Wiseman's site). My fiancÃ©e (sub) and I (Dom) are very new to BDSM. She enjoys humiliation, degradation, and verbal abuse. The problem I seem to run into is I tend to use the same phrases ( dirty bi***, filthy sl**, disgusting wh***....) and then mentally I get down on myself for not performing a better scene. I guess what I'm looking for is advice on the best way to learn how to b a great Dom ( and do a great rape scene).. Do u have any websites, books etc.... That would help me to get more info on this? I'm downloading S&M 101 today and had looked thru various threads to find what I'm looking for but can't seem to find exactly what I want. Would you recommend finding an online mentor or do u think it jus goes back to simple communication?

Roland · Aug 24, 2012

Creativity is key to keeping things new and interesting. As for the phrases you use, it's not necessarily what you say but how you say it and in what context. I know that doesn't sound very helpful, but you have to dig deep in your mind and fantasies, and also hers, to say the right things to turn you both on. Communication can definitely help here.

The same goes for a rape scene. Once you know her limits which should have already been decided upon, you should be able to craft something that does the job. I don't want to be creative for you, since it's your own fantasies and ideas that have to be incorporated here, as well as hers. If you are having trouble, feel free to give us more details and we can help you out.

L8NightQ · Aug 24, 2012

Agreeing with Roland. Communication and time.
This may sound obvious, but sit in the dark with a glass of wine or whatever, and talk about everything you do so far. When you are really comfortable, ask her what she fantasizes about. It may not work the first time, but if you make it a regular thing and make her feel safe about talking about it, you'll get some really good feedback.
I wouldn't use videos for examples. They can be a bit extreme... unless you watch it together and she likes it.

Just my two cents thrown in.

sebastian · Aug 24, 2012

I have a post in the FAQ about verbal play--it might help you. Variety goes a long way, so build up a repertoire of sexual insults that you can toss out. Here's a quick insult generator (good for either sex):

Choose 1 from A and 1 from B. Practice saying them as if you're kind of angry:
A: dumb, stupid, worthless, useless, piece of shit, pathetic, desperate, fucking, filthy, dirty, slutty
B: bitch, fuck, cunt, asshole, fucker, whore, slut, cumdump, asslick, buttmunch, piece of shit, hole, cocksucker, polesmoker, fuckwad

Hopefully that should give you a decent range of things you can call your sub as you go. Always keep in mind that some subs like particular insults (I know one boy who always moans when I call him a whore) and may react badly to others (chubby subs may be very sensitive to comments about weight or appearance, while minorities might react badly to racial insults). Until you're sure your sub can handle a wide range of things, be a little cautious--you want to avoid inflicting emotional damage

KingD13 · Aug 24, 2012

Whats obvious to one may be in a different planet for another...Every little bit helps. Appreciate all the help and look forward to reading anymore post on this subject and participating in other threads on here

KingD13 · Aug 25, 2012

Also.... I'm tryin to find a good thread/site for bondage (harnesses, suspension bondage and how to install suspension bondage material). I've looked through the forums tho not in great detail. If anyone has any post/suggestions/sites please lmk... Thanks

sebastian · Aug 25, 2012

Suspension bondage is one of the more challenging forms of bondage. It's not beginner's play by any means. If done improperly, it carries with it the risk of serious injury and even death--done improperly, it can actually trigger heart attacks. So don't try to learn suspension bondage from a book. Find a mentor or classes and get training.

Lookin for advice...

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