Switching between BDSM&vanilla relationships

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by EG1984, Jun 25, 2013.

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  1. EG1984

    EG1984 New Member

    Hey everyone, i am a new member of this forum and a new member of the BDSM life style.
    I was wondering about how and even if it's possible to switch between a BDSM relationship to a vanilla relationship - not with the same partner, rather with your next partner/s?
    I found that the BDSM life suits me very much, i enjoy both the perks AND responsibilities of being a master, but i also want want some realistic perspective, since i know that maybe my next partner will not be partial to this life.

    My question is directed for those with experience in the field, but of course any and every opinion is very much welcome!
     
  2. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    Some people can, and some people can't, to put it simply. If you consider BDSM important, you might not enjoy a relationship without it. On the other hand, BDSM is just one part of a relationship, and you might be more than happy with everything else.
     
  3. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    A lot depends on the personalities involved and the chemistry between them. My slave and I are very serious about power exchange, but I have a lot of romantic moments with him. I could definitely do a vanilla relationship, although I would definitely feel that something was missing, and I would hope that my partner was appreciative that I was giving up something important for him.
     
  4. EG1984

    EG1984 New Member

    Thanks for the input, i guess i am just a bit worried about the future in this regard. I had several vanilla relationships in my life before and they were good, no complaints, but after being exposed to this i feel maybe there is a chance that going back might not be enough for me.
     
  5. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    The only way to know is to try it. You might find that power exchange is now crucial to your satisfaction with a relationship, or you might find that you can work around it even if you miss it. I don't know that there's any clear way to know, other than what your instincts tell you.
     
  6. Faravid

    Faravid New Member

    I have once gone from a relationship where BDSM elements were included into a totally vanilla relationship. When the relationship was altogether fine (for the first half a year), I didn't really feel too bad about everything being vanilla - although I cherished every moment I could take a firm hold of her jaw while kissing :) She felt it passionate, I felt like having control. When the relationship went worse (a long story short: she tried to make me a substitute for a spine - nightly calls piping about how she can't make it without me, demanding me to drive 150 km to her that instant, threatening with hurting herself if I didn't, all that stuff), I realized that in order to enjoy sex, I had to fantasize about making her submit. The worse things went, the more I longed for dominance. So, at least for me it would seem to be OK for a relationship to be vanilla if it's otherwise good; but if it's bad, the absence of BDSM elements will add to the cons. On the other hand, of course, there's no use staying in a bad relationship, BDSM or not.

    However, the greatest lesson I learnt from her was recognizing the signs of high time to bottle it up and go. That relationship lasted for a year and a half, and the first half a year was the good part. She had an enormous gift of making me feel guilty for things I knew I had no part in. Vanilla or BDSM, it's good to bear in mind that being honest to yourself is essential. If it feels good, carry on. If it doesn't, figure out if you can make it better. If you can't, ditch it. I hope I made at least some sense.
     
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2013
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