Please help!

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by peekobuu, Oct 26, 2010.

  1. peekobuu

    peekobuu New Member

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    Hi, my name is Gen, and I am here to ask for some advice if thats possible.
    In normal day to day life I am a very confident and opinionated person but in regards to anything sexual I am totally submissive.
    I met my partner 5 years a go and we developed a closeness through telling each other our intimate desires. He has always fantasised about dominating women. However he is a very shy person and even after almost 5 years together he still lacks confidence and so is afraid to experiment.
    I have yet to have the opportunity to fully explore the extent of my fantasies and want nothing more than to do that with my current partner.

    How can I help him feel more confident? He does have mild anger issues and I am certain that if he could chanel them into our sex life it would be the best outlet for him. On occasion he has pushed the boundaries further than our mildly Ds normality but as of late we have only had completely vanilla sex.

    I crave a relationship where I am fulfilled sexually and although I am not certain to what extent I wish to sumit I do know that I need so much more than what I currently have.
    If you have any advice at all it would be much appreciated.
  2. Tumbl3

    Tumbl3 Member

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    Welcome to the forum, first.

    Second: Talk to your partner about what you both want out the relationship and how you feel. Communication is a big part of D/s (probably one of the biggest, besides trust and safety). Now, once you figure out what you both want to do, work from there. Building confidence as a dom is difficult, but with a supportive sub (such as yourself) this makes it easier.
    Being supportive of him will pretty much go along the lines of this:

    1) Don't pressure him, let him go at his own speed.
    2) You will, at first, need to lead him along the path of being a Dom. Once he gets it, though, he'll be able to Dom without assistance.
    3) Praise him when he does something right. Nothing gives confidence like being told you're doing something right and making the person who praised you happy.
    4) Go slow on the experimenting. Let him dip his toes in the proverbial D/s pool, and hopefully he'll find the water to his liking and go deeper.
    5) If he makes a mistake, offer constructive criticism or redirect him in a way you want him to go. Eventually he'll figure it out. ex: "Oh I'm so glad you're not biting my earlobes, I would go crazy if you did."

    It's all about honest, open, communication.

    Hope this helps :]
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2010
  3. TerribleT

    TerribleT Member

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    Start with bondage.
    From there, you can struggle.
    Eventually, you can resist being restrained and turn it into a power game that he wins and you lose.
    Verbal domination is much harder then physical domination. Baby steps.

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