Relationships

Tie-guy · Jan 1, 2011

Just wondering, of those who are in a relationship on this board, how many of you met in the context of the BDSM community? How many introduced aspects of BDSM into their relationships with a vanilla partner?

ranssub87 · Jan 1, 2011

Both me and my husband were reasonably vanilla. We started out basically with him spanking me and getting a bit rough during sex, hair pulling, arm around throat etc.
It wasn't until about a month after our wedding, 2 months ago that I started researching what we are doing and found out that it is a small part of BDSM. We have slowly been developing it and finding out what we like!

Ranssub

drkangl87 · Jan 1, 2011

I was actually introduced to BDSM by my boyfriend. I had done some things before him but nothing like what we do and even then it's only the tip of the iceberg of what i've learned about BDSM.

Luna · Jan 1, 2011

I've always had a predilection to this but never discussed it with others. My lover has been in previous relationships that involved many aspects of BDSM so when he threw some ideas at me, and the more we discuss it, the more we find our thoughts run the same. We've experimented some on the things that we both like but are constantly reminding ourselves to go slowly.

Tie-guy · Jan 1, 2011

Since beginning a relationship with a new partner, I don't know how to be open about a deep part of my sexuality. I've never started "the" conversation, it's always been my partner that asks me. It's that first instance I have trouble opening it up, I open up slowly naturally, but scratching the surface is harder for me.

Do you open up spontaneously a la "Can we try x tonight?" or during a particular time a la before/after sex?

sillylittlepet · Jan 1, 2011

My master and I start started off as just boyfriend/girlfriend (we were friends in high school) and then about two months in I confessed I was a submissive and luckily he confessed that he was a dominant!! Its all been downhill since then

If you're nervous about telling your partner, start off the conversation casually. Tell them that it would really turn you on if they did x. You dont have to jump right into the deep end of the pool, start at the shallow end and work your way in if you're nervous or shy.
The Newcomers FAQ has some great tips on how to tell your partner about what you what without frightening them

master jey · Jan 1, 2011

We started as BDSM couple

Luna · Jan 1, 2011

Communication is an important part of any relationship, and in some ways the most difficult. It requires honesty and it can be very hard not only being honest with your partner but being honest with yourself.
I was fortunate that he did initiate the topic and he is very open and forward that way. I find it a little more difficult to speak however hand in hand with communication is trust. If you feel you trust your partner enough to take the relationship in this direction then you should feel comfortable talking about it with them. But I will say, start slow, suggest maybe sensory play. Something light and let it build up from there.

Infinia · Jan 2, 2011

We started of as a "vanilla couple" with mistress telling me we were dating and then later telling me we were getting married. She's always been very dominant in nature but raised very (i think the word is sheltered) she'd never heard of bdsm and the idea of her being that bossy or hitting me worried her cuz she liked it but got thought its bad. So i kinda eased her into bondage.
I think our first experience was:
we were watching porn pointing out or turn ons and turn offs. I have a bit of difficulty expressing myself so pointing at porn saying i wish that was me is easyer in a way. and i put on a few of my bondage movies and suprised her. We had a long conversation about how its not wrong if i like it and i do. and she started out with spanking and saw i did enjoy it and well its kinda been going downhill the pervers canyon from there.

Sean'sSlave · Jan 2, 2011

i met my master through a dating community and we both confessed are love for bdsm before meeting so when we met we started a sm relationship and both love it.

Relationships

Tie-guy

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ranssub87

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drkangl87

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Luna

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Infinia

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