Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Tie-guy, Jan 1, 2011.

  1. Tie-guy

    Tie-guy New Member

    Just wondering, of those who are in a relationship on this board, how many of you met in the context of the BDSM community? How many introduced aspects of BDSM into their relationships with a vanilla partner?
  2. ranssub87

    ranssub87 New Member

    Both me and my husband were reasonably vanilla. We started out basically with him spanking me and getting a bit rough during sex, hair pulling, arm around throat etc.
    It wasn't until about a month after our wedding, 2 months ago that I started researching what we are doing and found out that it is a small part of BDSM. We have slowly been developing it and finding out what we like!

  3. drkangl87

    drkangl87 New Member

    I was actually introduced to BDSM by my boyfriend. I had done some things before him but nothing like what we do and even then it's only the tip of the iceberg of what i've learned about BDSM.
  4. Luna

    Luna Member

    I've always had a predilection to this but never discussed it with others. My lover has been in previous relationships that involved many aspects of BDSM so when he threw some ideas at me, and the more we discuss it, the more we find our thoughts run the same. We've experimented some on the things that we both like but are constantly reminding ourselves to go slowly.
  5. Tie-guy

    Tie-guy New Member

    Since beginning a relationship with a new partner, I don't know how to be open about a deep part of my sexuality. I've never started "the" conversation, it's always been my partner that asks me. It's that first instance I have trouble opening it up, I open up slowly naturally, but scratching the surface is harder for me.

    Do you open up spontaneously a la "Can we try x tonight?" or during a particular time a la before/after sex?
  6. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    My master and I start started off as just boyfriend/girlfriend (we were friends in high school) and then about two months in I confessed I was a submissive and luckily he confessed that he was a dominant!! Its all been downhill since then

    If you're nervous about telling your partner, start off the conversation casually. Tell them that it would really turn you on if they did x. You dont have to jump right into the deep end of the pool, start at the shallow end and work your way in if you're nervous or shy.
    The Newcomers FAQ has some great tips on how to tell your partner about what you what without frightening them
  7. master jey

    master jey Moderator

    We started as BDSM couple
  8. Luna

    Luna Member

    Communication is an important part of any relationship, and in some ways the most difficult. It requires honesty and it can be very hard not only being honest with your partner but being honest with yourself.
    I was fortunate that he did initiate the topic and he is very open and forward that way. I find it a little more difficult to speak however hand in hand with communication is trust. If you feel you trust your partner enough to take the relationship in this direction then you should feel comfortable talking about it with them. But I will say, start slow, suggest maybe sensory play. Something light and let it build up from there.
  9. Infinia

    Infinia Member

    We started of as a "vanilla couple" with mistress telling me we were dating and then later telling me we were getting married. She's always been very dominant in nature but raised very (i think the word is sheltered) she'd never heard of bdsm and the idea of her being that bossy or hitting me worried her cuz she liked it but got thought its bad. So i kinda eased her into bondage.
    I think our first experience was:
    we were watching porn pointing out or turn ons and turn offs. I have a bit of difficulty expressing myself so pointing at porn saying i wish that was me is easyer in a way. and i put on a few of my bondage movies and suprised her. We had a long conversation about how its not wrong if i like it and i do. and she started out with spanking and saw i did enjoy it and well its kinda been going downhill the pervers canyon from there.
  10. Sean'sSlave

    Sean'sSlave New Member

    i met my master through a dating community and we both confessed are love for bdsm before meeting so when we met we started a sm relationship and both love it.
  11. Luna

    Luna Member

    My lover and I started as friends. Close friends we talked about everything, nothing was off limits, so when this came up and he told me what he really wanted it made it easier for me to confess my desires. We agreed that we could provide each other a safe way to explore. Our first 'date' which was our first meeting face to face ended in my dominating him and violating his ass. Second date was even better ...
  12. Nuka

    Nuka Member

    I had some experience (not really BDSM but more light kink) with previous partners and when I met ashlie, she was, well I'm her only partner. So we developed into kinkier things as we went on and now we're a 24/7 D/s couple, engaged, etc.

    We started developing from vanilla, taking on using a whip and a crop, cufffs, etc but we sat down and talked together about turning it into 24/7 and so far it's worked.

    I agree with Luna, you have to communicate throughout. Even now I'll ask if everything is ok, if she still wants to carry on with it etc.

    In fact I think W/we found this site partly to help us, and also to hepl us explore further with ideas and things to do.
  13. RS1981

    RS1981 Member

    I started out as vanilla before I finally realized I was dominant. It wasn't until my early 20's though that I felt confident enough to pursue it, because of the way I was raised. I used to think the lifestyle was wrong and demeaning. And in reality it can be, but only with the consent of both people. But if you really think about it, if both parties are consenting to it, how can it truly be demeaning? Anyway, before I get off track... I had a few girlfriends I wanted to try BDSM with and they went along with it for a while but eventually got tired of it, they got no pleasure out of being the source of my own. My current pet is trying it with me and so far she seems MUCH more willing to serve me. I hope it continues because it has always been my biggest fantasy.
  14. Demotep

    Demotep New Member

    I am exactly like this. I open up slowly, especially when it comes to this. It just seems to me that desires like this just aren't that widely accepted and I fear weirding a girl out and push them away. That is not to say it doesn't come out eventually, it just takes a while and I have yet to truly reveal how far I am willing to and wanting to go.

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