Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by needlefreak33, Oct 1, 2009.

  1. needlefreak33

    needlefreak33 New Member

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    This is my first post here and I was hoping that some of the folks on here could give me some assistance.

    I'm a male that has had an interest in BDSM since a young age. In the past few years in particular I've done a lot of reading online and I have a pretty good feel for the scene, its practices, and what I'd be looking for if I were to incorporate it into a relationship.

    I've been in a relationship with a wonderful woman for almost 2 years now and we've experimented with BDSM a few times during that time. When we did play, we switched between one another each time so that we both experienced the dominant and submissive role. In the end, she preferred the dominant role and I preferred the submissive role (which was no surprise to me). We both also took a cursory read through Gloria Brame's "Different Loving".

    At the current time we're not that sexually active and I'm looking to see if she might be interested in adding a steady BDSM element to our relationship to add something special both sexually and otherwise. I'd love to be able to serve her and work towards a more 24/7 arrangement and be collared.

    I've read a bunch of things online about incorporating BDSM into an existing relationship and I've found some useful advice. I'm not afraid of bringing this up to her as she's open minded, but I'm still looking for the best way.

    Through my research I've found a few books that might be a good springboard and I wanted to get some feedback on whether they are worth the read between the two of us.

    "The Mistress Manual" by Mistress Lorelei
    "The Art of Sensual Female Dominance: A Guide for Women" by Claudia Varrin

    Any feedback you could give me on approaching this topic with her would be great.

    Sorry for the long post.
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  2. Tarynsslave

    Tarynsslave Member

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    Yes! I gave those two books (and some others) to my then-girlfriend, now-Mistress when we first started exploring D/s. At first, Mistress Taryn was hesitant to take control, but with the persuasion of the book's arguments, she became increasingly Dominant over a short period of time. Her copies are literally dog-eared and bookmarked everywhere.
    It took a lot of courage and trust to reveal myself as a submissive to her. I felt almost immediately embarrassed until she seemed very, very turned on by it. Even if it was only short little play ideas, it all added up. We started with tying me up occasionally. Eventually it became a regular thing to do--> Anytime i was rude or disrespectful, i was gagged for a specified period of time. Then She introduced chastity belts as punishment for cumming. When things got more serious, Taryn purchased a few butt-plugs and began making me wear one whenever She pleased, usually on dates.
    On Taryn's birthday a few years ago, I gave her an IOU coupon entitling myself as her temporary slave for a week long period, redeemable whenever. She loved the idea and asked if i would submit again, but for a longer period next time.
    And the rest... is history, so to speak
    Taryn's Slave
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  3. needlefreak33

    needlefreak33 New Member

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    Thanks for your input. It sounds like very much the same situation I'm in.

    I recently brought this up to my girlfriend and she said she'd enjoy the idea. It's obviously not something that she's experienced with so I'm sure it'll take some time before we can get truly accustomed to the relationship dynamic.

    I know it will take a lot of communication and experimentation to get comfortable but I'm hoping it's something that we can move into.

    Thanks again for the reply!

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