Primrose
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Hi everyone!
I've been lurking for quite some time, but this if my first time ever posting. My husband and I have been together 4 years, but we've only been married for about 3 months. Before he and I started dating my exBF and I used to practice some light BDSM (simple restraints, blindfolding, spanking), and I'd never felt more fulfilled than when I was his sub. However, that relationship quickly escalated to abuse, I ended it, and met DH a few months later. He knows all about my abusive past and, at the beginning of our relationship, was really amazing at being super sensitive to everything I had gone though/was still going through.
Anyway, our sex life is pretty vanilla. We bring toys into the bedroom every so often, and we'll get into spanking every once in a while, but I find that sex is much more enjoyable and much more exciting for me (and I think for him) when he's more dominant and forceful in bed. Our relationship is also a lot stronger when he takes the reins and is more dominant outside of the bedroom as well. However, I've been feeling less and less satisfied, and I'm positive that it's because I need to be dominated - it's the only time when I feel truly fulfilled physically, emotionally, sexually, and spiritually.
My big dilemma is how to approach my husband with this information. I'd really love for this to not just be a sexual thing for us but expand into our non-sexual life as well. I've toyed with the idea of starting off the conversation by talking about how him being the dominant one and me being the submissive one in our relationship is in line with our religious beliefs and just kind of moving from there, but I'm so overwhelmed and, frankly, terrified of his reaction. In our everyday lives, I'm the loud, opinionated, vivacious one and he's pretty quiet, reserved, and easy-going. However, I've definitely seen him flip the switch to some dominance when we're alone, so I know it's in there - I just need to drag that person out of him!
I've been doing a lot of research over the past year or so (yea, I've kept this suppressed for over a year), so I feel like I know what I'm talking about at least in the technical sense, and I know what I'd like our relationship to look like. I'm just really afraid of scaring him off, and I don't know if I should start by talking to him about what I need from him or if I should just start behaving in the way that I would as his sub. What makes this extra hard is that he's in the military and stationed overseas. For the next 6 weeks, we'll be apart, and then he'll be home for about a month and will shop off again for another 4-5 months. Rinse and repeat until Spring 2014...
Any resources you can point me to would be greatly appreciated (note: he's not going to read a book and probably wouldn't read anything if I bombard him with materials, so one or two really solid things to show him would be great and then any information I can read and then bring to him in a conversation would be helpful). And if any of you have experience with this kind of thing, I'd really love it if you would share your story.
Thanks so much, y'all!
I've been lurking for quite some time, but this if my first time ever posting. My husband and I have been together 4 years, but we've only been married for about 3 months. Before he and I started dating my exBF and I used to practice some light BDSM (simple restraints, blindfolding, spanking), and I'd never felt more fulfilled than when I was his sub. However, that relationship quickly escalated to abuse, I ended it, and met DH a few months later. He knows all about my abusive past and, at the beginning of our relationship, was really amazing at being super sensitive to everything I had gone though/was still going through.
Anyway, our sex life is pretty vanilla. We bring toys into the bedroom every so often, and we'll get into spanking every once in a while, but I find that sex is much more enjoyable and much more exciting for me (and I think for him) when he's more dominant and forceful in bed. Our relationship is also a lot stronger when he takes the reins and is more dominant outside of the bedroom as well. However, I've been feeling less and less satisfied, and I'm positive that it's because I need to be dominated - it's the only time when I feel truly fulfilled physically, emotionally, sexually, and spiritually.
My big dilemma is how to approach my husband with this information. I'd really love for this to not just be a sexual thing for us but expand into our non-sexual life as well. I've toyed with the idea of starting off the conversation by talking about how him being the dominant one and me being the submissive one in our relationship is in line with our religious beliefs and just kind of moving from there, but I'm so overwhelmed and, frankly, terrified of his reaction. In our everyday lives, I'm the loud, opinionated, vivacious one and he's pretty quiet, reserved, and easy-going. However, I've definitely seen him flip the switch to some dominance when we're alone, so I know it's in there - I just need to drag that person out of him!
I've been doing a lot of research over the past year or so (yea, I've kept this suppressed for over a year), so I feel like I know what I'm talking about at least in the technical sense, and I know what I'd like our relationship to look like. I'm just really afraid of scaring him off, and I don't know if I should start by talking to him about what I need from him or if I should just start behaving in the way that I would as his sub. What makes this extra hard is that he's in the military and stationed overseas. For the next 6 weeks, we'll be apart, and then he'll be home for about a month and will shop off again for another 4-5 months. Rinse and repeat until Spring 2014...
Any resources you can point me to would be greatly appreciated (note: he's not going to read a book and probably wouldn't read anything if I bombard him with materials, so one or two really solid things to show him would be great and then any information I can read and then bring to him in a conversation would be helpful). And if any of you have experience with this kind of thing, I'd really love it if you would share your story.
Thanks so much, y'all!
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