Failing miserably at not being dominated

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by AriBee, Jul 21, 2013.

  1. AriBee

    AriBee New Member

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    So I recently got out of a 3 year completely vanilla relationship (where we rarely had sex anyway) and started getting back to my submissive side and playing with that, meaning a few hook ups with guys who were varying degrees of dominant. Now I've run into the problem where I met this guy that I really like and we've had sex twice except I haven't given him a blow job and I feel horrible about it but he hasn't asked and I don't know how to "initiate". I feel like he must think I'm an uppity bitch because he's gone down on me and I haven't gone down on him.

    Now I've decided I either need to explain to him that I'm naturally very submissive and that I really don't know how to go about just initiating things and that if he'd like a blow job all he needs to do is ask. Or I need to learn how to go about just giving him a blow job.

    Honestly the first idea seems easier for me because the second just seems so uncomfortable and I wouldn't even know what to do. However I'm kind of afraid that I'll scare him away, I'm not looking for a long term relationship with this guy or anything, I'm doing a study abroad in Germany in the city where he lives so I'll only be here for a few more weeks. But I'd still rather not scare him off, I'd kind of like to stay friends after this (I'm 20 btw, it's for College, not like High School).

    Soo what I'm asking is either advice on what I could say to him and how I could say it so that he wouldn't be scared away or advice on how to maybe go about initiating a blow job.

    I think it would be easier if I got hints that he was dominant, but I haven't, it's not like he's a push over I just can't read him all that well.
  2. EG1984

    EG1984 New Member

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    the best way to "initiate" a blow job to a man is to simply initiate it :) when you find yourself making out with him, just start kissing down until you reach the desired region and just go about it, i promise you, you will meet little to no resistance :p and he will like it very much that you did it out of your own accord, without him asking.
    How to discover if he has a dominant side? might be tricky in a few weeks, you can either hint at hoping he will get it or just just have a chat about it, let him know gently that you enjoy being told what to do and that you like a guy to just do as he pleases with you (within the confines of your limits obviously). I'm a "direct chat" kind of person, and it doesn't always works, some people are more comfortable playing those subtle games, but i still do it cause that's what is comfortable to me. I say just decide what kind of person you are in the regard and go with it.
  3. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    If you're not likely to be around for more than a few weeks, and he hasn't given you any explicit indications that he's dominant, my advice would be to just focus on having a nice short-term vanilla relationship with him. Trying to explore power exchange with him is going to be tricky--you need to explain what you want and see if he wants it and deal with any potential freak-out he might have from your submissive side and so on. If you continue keeping in contact with him long distance, perhaps you could bring the idea up with him gradually and see how he responds to it.
  4. AriBee

    AriBee New Member

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    Oh I guess I wasn't completely clear, I don't want to explore power exchange with him, I basically just want to tell him that it's not that I don't like giving blow jobs, it's just that I'm an awkward mess and he just needs to ask/suggest it. I realize it would be best to just be able to initiate it but I have hang ups because the only guy I ever tried initiating blow jobs with (my ex from the 3 year relationship) would turn me down because I'm overweight and he wasn't sexually attracted to me, even though he's much bigger and much less attractive.
  5. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Well, if that's the issue, then tell him. In sexual and relationship matters, the first solution you should try is usually communication. It can feel awkward and unsexy at first, but being honest and open about sexual matters goes an incredibly long way. So tell him that you're interesting in blowing him, but you're not very experienced and are worried about how to initiate it.

    Here are a couple basic tips for oral sex:

    1) Use your tongue and your lips a lot. Lick his head, his shaft, the slit of his head, the ridge of the head and so on.
    2) Think of his cock like a popsicle, and do the sorts of things you'd do to a popsicle, other than taking a big bite.
    3) Use your saliva as a lubricant. It can take a bit of practice to actively generate saliva, but it makes things go better (as long as you don't get too carried away)
    4) When full-out sucking, bob your head up and down, with varying speeds. Linger at different spots. Sometimes aggressive suction is fun, other times focus on rapid movement.
    5) Use variety. Lick, then suck, then lick, then gently nibble, go fast, then slow, stroke the shaft for a few moments, play with the balls. Speaking personally, my cock gets a little bored if the only thing that happens is non-stop sucking.
    6) If he starts to respond (he moans, says 'oh yeah', arches his back, etc), you're doing something he really likes, so make a note and repeat that bit periodically.
    7) Wrap your hand around his cock and stroke the shaft while working on the head. If he tries to force his cock too far into your mouth, your hand can prevent this, which makes gagging and choking less likely.
    8) As a first time sucker, you have a lot to learn. So don't let that worry you. When you're done, ask him what he liked and how you can do it better next time. Make it sexy by indicating that you intend to practice on him...
  6. AriBee

    AriBee New Member

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    Thank you for the wonderful advice Sebastian, although I'm definitely not a novice when it comes to sucking, this guy is actually the only guy I've had sex with but haven't sucked, which makes me feel like a bitch. I just generally am instructed to do it and don't need to figure out how to get my lips to his cock without him prompting it. I know it seems like a silly issue, but I'm just not used to having "free reign" during sex. Most guys generally know ahead of time that I'm game for most anything and know to at least take the lead, where as he is more of a "gentleman" I guess, he worries and makes sure that I don't feel uncomfortable, which I find sweet but strange.

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