sebastian
Active Member
MIRROR: Download from MEGA
Phoray, you belong here as much as you want to belong here. You're definitely exploring power exchange, which is what lies at the heart of all bdsm. I'd argue that rough sex is a mild form of bdsm, so if you enjoy rough sex, you're doing bdsm.
When Silly said you're a selfish submissive, I don't think she intended it as a statement that you're a bad person. I think she meant that as a sub, you're focused on your own pleasure, and you'd like to have control of what the dom is doing to you. Some subs are very much like that (and in some cases that's bad; in other cases it's just how they operate). Other subs (perhaps more technically slaves) are focused on the dom's needs, and find pleasure purely in satisfying the dom.
I'll give you an example. Some doms enjoy frustrating their sub, and some subs love that. I know one boy who loves the idea of being made to stand in the corner and watch his master fuck someone else. He is aroused by the idea of wanting to get what the other sub is getting, and loves the fact that his master is frustrating that desire by ignoring him. A slave will probably enjoy that sort of scene--he is happy that his master is getting pleasure. A sub who is not a slave might find that same scene irritating--he's being ignored.
Perhaps rather than saying a sub has more control, it would be better to say that a sub has veto power. A sub must consent to whatever is happening, so she can always veto anything the dom wants to do if she finds it unacceptable for whatever reason. But a good sub gives up control and trusts the dom to provide pleasure within the sub's established limits. If a boy approached me and told me exactly what he wanted, and was unwilling to do anything outside of that, I would probably turn the boy down unless the scene he was describing was really hot, because I wouldn't really be in control in that scene. What I would rather hear from a boy is a list of things he likes and dislikes. In essence, I want him to give me his menu of options, and then let me cook the dinner I like most from that menu.
When Silly said you're a selfish submissive, I don't think she intended it as a statement that you're a bad person. I think she meant that as a sub, you're focused on your own pleasure, and you'd like to have control of what the dom is doing to you. Some subs are very much like that (and in some cases that's bad; in other cases it's just how they operate). Other subs (perhaps more technically slaves) are focused on the dom's needs, and find pleasure purely in satisfying the dom.
I'll give you an example. Some doms enjoy frustrating their sub, and some subs love that. I know one boy who loves the idea of being made to stand in the corner and watch his master fuck someone else. He is aroused by the idea of wanting to get what the other sub is getting, and loves the fact that his master is frustrating that desire by ignoring him. A slave will probably enjoy that sort of scene--he is happy that his master is getting pleasure. A sub who is not a slave might find that same scene irritating--he's being ignored.
Perhaps rather than saying a sub has more control, it would be better to say that a sub has veto power. A sub must consent to whatever is happening, so she can always veto anything the dom wants to do if she finds it unacceptable for whatever reason. But a good sub gives up control and trusts the dom to provide pleasure within the sub's established limits. If a boy approached me and told me exactly what he wanted, and was unwilling to do anything outside of that, I would probably turn the boy down unless the scene he was describing was really hot, because I wouldn't really be in control in that scene. What I would rather hear from a boy is a list of things he likes and dislikes. In essence, I want him to give me his menu of options, and then let me cook the dinner I like most from that menu.
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