Hiya everyone. I've been a long time viewer of this website, just was a bit too timid to sign up and post, but here goes nothing. So I'm a submissive type. I have been for most of my adult life, and was married to a dominant woman for 10 years. She has left me, and I'm separated at the moment. Now what her and I shared from what I understand was abusive. I don't think I need to go into details about it, but if there are questions, I have no problem going into details. Anyway, I've been looking online for the last couple of months for a relationship, and well to be blunt, wow. I enjoy the lifestyle, and would like to find someone that I could fall in love with, and live my life with, that has the BDSM aspects to it. What I'm finding however, is that everyone is far too extreme for me. I'm disabled, don't handle pain well due to it, and do need a bit more extra care when it comes to certain things due to my health. Being submissive, it also seems to me that I have to endure a lot more, and honestly, at this point in my life, I'm not sure if I could handle it. I know what I want out of a relationship, what I want out of life, and while I don't really want the control aspect to it, I am aiming myself towards those goals. But I'm curious, being submissive and having a passive personality, is it possible to learn how to be dominant, and maybe alter the way I behave? It seems to me, aside from money, being dominant is a bit easier to manage. I can control what happens, and won't have to endure as much. The biggest stumbling block for me, aside from my personality is actually striking a female. I have never in my life. I don't know why it is ok for someone to do that to me, but not the other way around, but I have a big mental block with it. I'm probably one of the nicest guys you would ever meet, so for me to be harsh, demanding, and controlling seems very outside my wheelhouse. Let alone with what most submissive girls want. I took a gander at it last night, and I have to say what they are seeking would take a lot of overriding my morals and beliefs to do. So it is something else I struggle with. I realize it isn't abuse in the context of BDSM, and the lifestyle in general, but I don't know if I have the capability to do it. Also with money, yea, I'm poor. Very poor. I'm on disability for my illness, so that isn't really going to change anytime soon. Being unable to work makes it a challenge I think for me to provide for a woman in the way seems typical. I don't know if in today's society if that is ok or not, but I know from what I've read and researched, being a dominant requires you to provide the toys and the places to play normally, both of which I can't do. So yep, there it is. All my concerns, in a post. If you could give me any advice as to what to do, it would be great. I'm pretty sure I'm stuck where I am, but I hope to find a solution to it. I'm a happy go lucky person, and want to make a woman happy again. I miss the companionship, and I really miss the romance and passion that goes along with this lifestyle. Thanks for reading all this, and for giving feedback.