Possible Switch/others thoughts and Q's

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Phoray, Nov 1, 2010.

  1. Phoray

    Phoray Member

    Hello all! this will be my first official new thread. I've italicized the questions so you can skip the back story if you wish

    I've gone back as far as page 11 clicking and reading things in the general discussion, floated through some other BDSM question sites not related to this one. I joined a yahoo group and have a S.I.C.K. Munch meeting in less than two weeks (very excited about it.)
    I suppose after this day of learning, I have some thoughts about myself and questions in general that haven't been specifically addressed. I apologize if the following post is a tad rambley...

    What brought me here is that off and on for years, and lately the last couple of months straight, I've craved... general definition, abuse. I want to feel all over my body like I just got into a fight with someone. Heart beating, muscles heated, adrenaline pumping some places are sore now kind of fight. Maybe more of the feeling you get when you're wrestling someone and lose. Although even with this craving, I wouldn't necessarily want to be the one that loses. if all that made any sense! My most recent boyfriend, in the beginning (before he became a selfish lover) we would have wrestling matches (sort of) where mostly he won (never was good at sports) eventually this led to sex (vanilla.) But sure was an interesting foreplay!

    I also fantasize about having a boyfriend/consistent playmate just coming up to me at any point and bending me over and screwing me-in a way, using me for his desires as they arise. (I'm not much for foreplay anyway) but the more I read on sub play, the more I'm sure I'm definitely not sub despite having these "use for sexual pleasure" fantasies. I'm relatively sure that even if I indulged that fantasy, it would only be now and again. (considering how often I'm interested in sex, now and again could be 2-3 times a week). And I like getting verbally abused during sex, hair pulling, some choking, biting, sometimes slapped. buuuuuuuttt....

    Essentially, I'd only want to serve a man if I felt like it- because I'm pleasuring MYSELF to pleasure them. And they had better show their appreciation or I'll get bored really quick. Most of what a sub "enjoys" would bore me if I did it myself.

    So the above fantasies and also liking a certain amount of abuse towards myself would throw me into the sub category-although I have thought of tweaking these fantasies to remain dominant even then. However, I have stronger fantasies and appreciation for the idea of a male serving me either temporarily in bedroom or as a lifestyle pet very exciting. I've strapped on and spanked with very heady mental responses in the past.

    So am I dom or a switch? or maybe I'm a dom who just happens to like very energetic violent sex on occasion?

    another question: when I masturbate I never think of myself. Like...ever. I have stories in my head of other people doing the things I like. Even the boys I've liked and wanted to lay- I think I've gotten as far as ordering them around (mostly mind control fantasies) and then I slip someone else in. To be honest, I have to say I do the same thing after a certain point even during sex- it's an exception to think of myself to the very end(or orgasm)

    Is this requirement for....disconnect considered a problem that I should focus on? Even when I'm getting the sex I want and crave (Very aggressive with verbal abuse) I eventually have to focus on my fantasy of other ppl to reach orgasm- even if they're doing the same thing. It's not that I feel bad about it- just curious if anyone else had the same "problem"? A lot of times I just want to focus on getting my scenario acted out- orgasm becomes a non issue because my other needs are being met like really hard screwing.

    If I really am 100% dom with masochistic tendencies, does anyone have tips for keeping the power balance while asking for acts that some would consider domination?
    or is that sort of impossible?

    I feel like I had more Q's but I forget and this is long enough ^_^ Since it's my own thread, I figured I could really let the thoughts out. Thanks for reading! I am welcome to any suggestions.
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2010
  2. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    oh god, oh god, before we do anything, you need to change to color of that red text

    its completely illegible


    pretty please
  3. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    Sounds like you're a very selfish submissive

    Like, "dominate me, but also treat me like a princess"

    I occasionally fall into this category as well ^^
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2010
  4. Phoray

    Phoray Member

    sorry, I edited
  5. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    I assume you've read the FAQ and my 4 Spheres of BDSM idea? It sounds to me from what you've said that you like abuse, but are less interested in control.
  6. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    Also, phoray,

    big tits foreverrr
  7. Phoray

    Phoray Member

    I did read it this morning but after you said that I performed another read through.

    1) Control- as I go about public life, I am most definitely not submissive. Last meal I had with my boyfriend, I ordered his food for him. I was frustrated he didn't give me more control over the financial running of the household, etc. And after a male slave seeking dom explained what he was wanting- I was very much into the idea of a man taking care of my every wish. Although I sometimes wonder if it's because I keep encountering very many selfish males who indirectly force me to take care of them- which causes resentment and is what I end the relationship over.

    2)Bondage: never been much of a bondage fan for myself- I find it... boring? I would do it to another if they wanted it.

    3) Pain: like being on the receiving end up to a point- spanking never did anything for me except in the case of doggy style adding a little more pepper to the fire. Giving pain? Can't say I'm much of a sadist, but if they got off on it, I would too.

    4) Humiliation/Verbal Abuse: On the verbal abuse, I like giving it as well as receiving it- dirty language galore is arousing to me. I've thought out and watched foot fetish videos and think I would enjoy that performed on myself....

    Overall, I can't tell what I am because I've just had a lot of boring, selfish, or bad partners. Maybe I would like to be a sub if the care was mutual. Maybe my dom fantasies of guys serving me is because I want them to do to me what I feel I deserve after many years of giving. I really don't know. I haven't been with a guy that was interested in any actual play since I was 19. But some of the things the subs do for their doms don't interest me- I gag on cum I certainly don't want to drink it. The thought of doing a housewife's duties is repugnant to me unless he was bringing home the bacon to keep it -even-

    If I'm a sub, I'd sure as hell be a rebellious one.
  8. Phoray

    Phoray Member

    haha if I had a waist like hers, mine would pop out just as nicely. ^^ 36 F cup.
  9. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    hooooly shit
  10. Phoray

    Phoray Member

    is it really that amazing? ^_^;
  11. master jey

    master jey Moderator

  12. fdxjettech

    fdxjettech New Member

    Sounds to me like you want to top from the bottom. That means you seem to be the sub, but are in full control of the person subjecting you to the levels of pain/humiliation that you desire.

    Your description of your self also seems to indicate a very lacking interest in the arts of BDSM as much as you just like ruff sex.

    It also sound like you should quit playing with the morons your own age an find some one with experience and who is at least ten years older than you. Men are mostly a bunch of idiots at you age. I know I was one once.

    And what good are big tits if you don't have a little waist. Just sayin.

    Keep searching and you will find your balance

    Welcome to the forum.
  13. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    It's worth pointing out that some doms like to order their subs to dominate them. And of course most doms have a little bit of sub in them as well.
  14. Phoray

    Phoray Member

    From what I've read, subs are in more control than the doms and there is supposed to be a trust relationship forged in some way before you even do said things with your partner. So that you trust your dom not to hurt you- you've discussed ideas , shared some fantasies and they learn to know what you're wanting and needing. Set some hard limits and discuss some soft limits.

    On top of all that, I have near zero experience with BDSM- incorrect partners, area of the country, lack of money, near workaholic lifestyle. So I can't say for sure if i wouldn't like more "forms" of the BDSM lifestyle. Just that I know what I've liked thus far- the few times I had maybe ... cuffs?... hell, see it's been so long I hardly remember what was even used. I found it frustrating and therefore not fun. I wasn't even tied to anything. When we tried spanking? it wasn't attached to any fantasy or scenario- we just did it to each other to see if the tactile sensation alone was enjoyable.

    All this was is idle speculation as to what I could be based on fantasies alone so I could hopefully know a little bit more about myself before hitting the Munch meet. I really do appreciate your reading and commenting! I do!

    but thus far I've gotten the suggestion that I'm possibly a selfish submissive type or that I shouldn't even be here at all because what I'm describing isn't BDSM- it's just rough sex. So I can hope you can see where I'm coming from when I state that I'm a little discouraged. if all I like is rough sex, then why am I driving nearly 10 hrs and spending at least $200 to go to a meeting to learn more about it all? I'm probably coming off as a whiner but that's not really my intention :/
  15. Phoray

    Phoray Member

    there we go- I was so sure I had read, perhaps, that Obedient Little Puppy was told by her dom to pinch him and he/she is definitely a submissive. Things like that and my fantasies that more often not revolve around a powerful position but also of being used (completely separate fantasies)... that's why I just thought I must be a switch. 50/50 or 60/40 or some number like that. ^^

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