MIRROR: Download from MEGA Alright, so, I've been having a lot of issues lately, and I'm hoping that I can gain some insight from the good people here. I'm a 22-year-old college student majoring in english, though I really have no passion for literature or anything that I have learned. I don't know where my life is going, and I'm generally bored with everything, save two things: fantasy and sex. Now, to explain, I have played a computer game where one roleplays as different characters for many years, now. I found gratification in living exciting lives in a fantasy setting that I could never live. But I've also found almost all my sexual satisfaction from these games as well. I would roleplay characters that were dominant ladiesmen, or ones who were submissive and no-one wanted to be with, and this helped me ignore my otherwise rather dull life. However, I've noticed a disturbing trend. While I find great satisfaction in playing a character that is what I, in my mind, would like to be (a stud, successful and powerful, with many friends and lovers, great in bed and great with words and turn of phrase), I simultaneously found great sexual satisfaction in having that destroyed. That is, if my fantasy character had a lover, as much as it was satisfying that my character had a lover who hung on his cock and wanted him alone (and it WAS satisfying), it was far more AROUSING to have that character emasculated. That is, it was a huge fantasy for the women of his to leave him to fuck other, stronger, better men. And I feel like I want a promiscuous girlfriend who will cheat on me or sleep around or will have great studs fuck her silly as I watch. I almost want her to just be so satisfied, she'd leave me, but on my mind, I know that I wouldn't want that. I would feel emasculated, depressed, insufficient, and I don't want that. But yet... I sort of do. In real life, I'm technically still a virgin, because, for the three girls I've tried to fuck (one of which had a weird muscular disorder so she moved like a zombie, another which was very fat and would only do it with the lights off, and yet another who was semi-retarded and just ugly as shit), I have been totally unable to get and maintain an erection for them. I get hard just fine to my fantasies in my room at home, but for them? Nothing. It's not that I'm nervous. I don't feel nervous. To be honest, I don't feel anything at all. No arousal, nothing. At most, maybe I feel annoyance or embarrassment at my inability to get it up, or disgust that my partner isn't as attractive as I'd want her to be. So my concerns are multiple. For one, I'm concerned that, even though, based on porn and the fantasies I jack off to, I'm not attracted to women in real life, as though I've been spoiled by some hyper-real image of what they should be or something. For another, I'm worried because, if I ever DID get a girl, would I be satisfied unless she was sleeping with other men or humiliating me in some way? And if she did humiliate me, would I really want that, or would I be depressed? And, finally, I have just a very black and white view of women in general. And men, for that matter. If I meet an attractive girl and she's at all nice to me, I immediately assume it's because she wants to be with me. If I find otherwise (which is pretty much always the case), I feel slighted and cheated. What happens most often is that she's with someone else or has no interest, in which case I resent her and the men who she hangs around (or her boyfriend). I hate men who are more attractive than me. I find myself comparing my own body and looks to those of other men everywhere I go. I check out guys far more than girls, but not because I find them attractive (although I can sometimes get the urge to jack off to some gay porn, but it's almost entirely straight for me). It's so bad that I can barely enjoy films. Movies are full of hyper-attractive men, and I find myself hating the characters and hating the films because of it, even if they're really great films that I would otherwise love. My black and white view of those around me has begun to further isolate me. Now, I don't consider myself particularly into BDSM or anything like that. The idea of kinky sex doesn't get me in any particular way, but since this deals with dom/sub, I hoped that someone could offer some insight for me. I'm really quite puzzled. Thanks in advance for any insight or advice offered.