No discipline?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Carbon, Aug 27, 2010.

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  1. Carbon

    Carbon New Member


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    My sub is a peculiar case. She likes to be given pain and tied down, she likes the Master/Slave relationship, she likes taking orders from me, being called bitch, etc. But she doesn't like discipline. Her main objection to it is all the rules that go with it. She views it as overcomplicating everything.
    This is a bit odd to me. How am I supposed to punish her if there are no rules? She wants spontaneous orders and pain. I don't mind, and I respect her wishes, but I need to get used to the idea. Any advice?
     
  2. Tumbl3

    Tumbl3 Member


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    ...um it might just be my inexperienced opinion, but as far as a know, a Master/slave relationship does indeed involve discipline. You can't just pick and choose.

    And before I go further, you mean actual discipline: as in she did something wrong and you're correcting that behavior?
     
  3. Carbon

    Carbon New Member


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    Nah, play discipline. Also not sure if there's any official designation of master/slave, but she at least likes being called slave and calling me master, and she does like me giving her orders, but not really restricting freedoms (like having to ask permission for certain things as part of our play, etc).
     
  4. Tumbl3

    Tumbl3 Member


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    Ahhhh, okay. This makes more sense.

    Alright well, here's what I think, I could be wrong, and I could be missing information. Here goes:

    I understand you want to respect her wishes, but without SOME structure, the play can get a bit chaotic. I would talk to her about it, if it's really bothering you. I guess maybe you could try to start out with one rule that really isn't that big or complicated. Like I said, I'm still learning but this is what I think.

    Punishing is part of the fun, after all.
     
  5. Carbon

    Carbon New Member


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    I agree, and she says she's willing to try it out. Any ideas for this simple rule? As we don't live together in our own place yet, we don't always have much time together.
     
  6. Tumbl3

    Tumbl3 Member


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    Hmmm, can you describe some of your play to me? So I can get a better idea that's more applicable to you guys.
     
  7. Carbon

    Carbon New Member


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    Usually I'll tie her hands behind her back, then give her a good spanking, scratch her, zap her with a 9 volt battery on her nipples, labia, and clit, and slap her on the face. We're pretty new, so I'm still learning to be more dominant. That's part of why I want some structure I think.
     
  8. Tumbl3

    Tumbl3 Member


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    Ah, sweet.

    Try this: She has to ask your permission to cum.

    Also, if you're new to being a dominant it's very important for her to help you and not undercut your confidence or self-esteem. You can't be expected to know everything and you're still learning. I'm also slightly new and learning every day and when your sub is being supportive it is a lot easier. Constructive criticism is never a bad thing, you guys should always communicate, but the keyword there is constructive.

    Keep us posted, and if you would like to talk further send me a pm!
     
  9. Carbon

    Carbon New Member


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    She likes that idea, and she is a very supportive partner who communicates well, so I think we'll be good. Thanks Tumbl3. ;)
     
  10. Tumbl3

    Tumbl3 Member


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    ^^ No problem. I only mentioned it because I had a few problems with my sub.
     
  11. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member


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    It might help you to distinguish discipline and punishment. Discipline is training your sub to be good at something you want, like training her to suck you the right way or training her to endure tit torture or whatever. Punishment is training her not to do something you don't want. So if she does something undesireable, like talk back during a scene, you punish her with something she doesn't like. So if she doesn't like being spanked, using that as a punishment for whatever behavior you want to discourage.
     
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