How to Be a Good Domme

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Hopehavoc, Mar 13, 2010.


What sort of insults do Subs usually like?

  1. Slut?

  2. Bitch?

  3. Tramp?

  4. Something Else? (if something else reply with what)

Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. Hopehavoc

    Hopehavoc Member

    So, I've been on here before...I have a Mistress who is a dominant top. The thing is...there is the submissive who wants to join the 2 of us. We're happy about it but I'm new to dominating since I'm usually the one being dominated and she wants to have a 24/7 D/s relationship with us where we dominate her outside of the bedroom as well as inside. I'm just wondering if I can get some advice. I want to please her but I'm scared to do some of the stuff that she wants me to do like...she's a masochist and really into pain and I'm a pussy and I hate to see people in pain. And she likes to be called names and stuff. Online I don't mind saying it but I'm not sure if I could do it to her face. If anyone can help me figure out how to deal...that'd be great.
  2. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

    I may not get many to agree with me, but here's a thought....

    Not every sub goes well with any Dom. We are kinda like Dogs, all of us the same, yet each type a little different. That's the only way I mean that, by the way.

    Sounds like you have a good thing going, and your considering letting this person in cause they want to be in. It also sounds like you got a feeling in your gut that this may not be right for you.

    Always listen to your gut instinct.
    You said that you have a Mistress, but you haven't described the relationship to much so I don't know if you are a couple or not. If you are and if you both want to try a few things together, then experiment and have some fun, but remember that a third person can alter the couple that you guys have become, and in some cases, when that bell rings, you can't un-ring it.

    I personally would give it a shot. You may find that even though you're a sub, you got some Dom in you. If not, how could you relate?

    Do what you think is right for you, but don't forget that you can have some fun and try new things every once and a while. We use scenes and roles to experiment and grow.
    Just keep both eyes open and don't (I repeat DON'T) do everything they ask you to without knowing a little about how to do it. Some things end badly if caution and/or communication are temporarily suspended.
    Extreme masochists can have you do some pretty scary things to them. Go to the edge, but if you go past it the experience could shade your future encounters and perceptions. You've got time to mature in this area. Remember that.

    Hope this helps.

  3. Hopehavoc

    Hopehavoc Member

    It helps a bit.

    Well, the thing is we are a couple and we have had a third before just not a submissive third. As for me, I'm switch I've just never had the opportunity to be the Domme for any one.

    I'm just trying to figure out exactly how far I'm willing to go with this sub because she seems to want to go farther than I've gone before.

    I guess I just need to communicate. That's all you can do, right?
  4. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

    That's pretty much it.

    You never said who this new person is and how she got there.
  5. Hopehavoc

    Hopehavoc Member

    I met her online...Okcupid
  6. Hopehavoc

    Hopehavoc Member

    So, any other advice for me? On how to be a good Domme?

    Other than communication, I mean, are there tricks I should know or something?
  7. Dom-me

    Dom-me New Member

    For myself, if i were to ever try my hand at a Dom role, apart from communication I would probably start by doing the things that got me going as a sub. Now obviously the sub may not like all the things I did but it would be a good starting point as it's familiar ground and I know how to do it safely and really well to make it good. Afterward, I'd spend time with the sub talking about the scene and what he/she did/didn't like and go from there. A
    simple exploration of a scene can lead to a lot questions that can result in some interesting findings!

    Good luck!
  8. Hopehavoc

    Hopehavoc Member

    You see, that's my biggest problem though. I'm not a sub. My girlfriend is bossy but we don't really have a "D/s" type relationship. We have a standard "equal footing" relationship and she's just really domineering. I don't actually LIKE being bossed around or told what to do. The only thing that's D/s that I like is being blind folded during sex and using like...a cat brush and neurological pinwheels along my back. This girl wants to do a lot of stuff that, not only have I never done but I don't even know if I'd be comfortable doing. Like calling her a slut and slapping her or forcing her to fuck something that would cause her pain. If I was more experienced I guess that would work, doing what I like, but I haven't had much exposure to this stuff so I don't know what I like and I'm scared to do some of the stuff that she likes. *Sigh* :( Idk....
  9. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Well take it slowly Hope. BDSM consists of many different things, and there's no requirement that you have to do all of them. If what you are willing to receive is light bondage and pain, then that's all you should submit to. If you're only comfortable imposing light bondage and pain, then don't do anything more as a dom. So start by tying her up lightly and doing some simple pain play, like nipple twisting or biting and spanking. Call her a few names and order her to do things she would do normally, like suck your cock. If you find that you enjoy that, go a little further next time. Don't attempt anything involving bondage or pain that you haven't done some reading on in order to understand the safety basics. Use actual toys, like dildos, until you get comfortable improvising and know what safety issues to consider. Going slowly will build your confidence that you can do this stuff and help you figure out what you really do and don't like doing. There is absolutely no reason why you have to be the Uber-Dom Prince of Darkness the first time you play as a dom.
  10. Hopehavoc

    Hopehavoc Member

    Thanks Sebastian. You've been a big help.

    For the record though....I'm a chick. :D
  11. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Well, that's just another reason to not have to be the Uber-Dom Prince of Darkness then.

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