When do BDSM relationships end?

MrAero · Apr 20, 2009

The past little bit of my Dom/sub relationship has been very hard on me and I was tempted to end the relationship today, but in the end did not.

My relationship is long distance, so that already has its difficulties (no physical punishment except when we visit, etc.) but my sub and I are not in a dating or "serious" relationship so we are free to date other people. She recently met a guy (turns out he's a cop) and they hit it off quite nicely. No problem there, I'm not jealous as long as she is still my bitch. These past few days she has been been busy, which I understand, but when I ask her to talk, instead of saying something like "I can't yet master but I will ass soon as I can" it's more like "I'll tell you later" or she might respond to my txts with one word answers. That is disrespectful and I have informed her of that.

I also found out today she told her cop friend that she has another friend who (and according to her she actually used this terminology) "beats her with her consent." After I told her not to tell ANYONE, she tells this guy only after having known him 3 days, while she has known me for 3 years. I am very upset with her and hurt, yet she didn't give him anymore information about her and my relationship, so no name, city, anything so I should be ok.

This, along with all her disobedience tempted me to end our relationship, yet I didn't when I found out he really doesn't know anything. But the situation left me thinking: did I really do the right thing? and also, how should I punish her?

ideas, suggestions, and advice welcome.

MrAero

MrChevron · Apr 20, 2009

Wow Damn dude, well like ReallyGreen said a few days ago run, run like hell. You don't want to get a cop involved. Now this is me but any slave on here want to be abandoned by there master? If her punishments aren't working and she disrespecting you and the law could possibly get involved. Threaten to abandoned her see how long she can go without her master. But that just me like you I'm a new master.

MrAero · Apr 20, 2009

MrChevron said:
Wow Damn dude, well like ReallyGreen said a few days ago run, run like hell. You don't want to get a cop involved. Now this is me but any slave on here want to be abandoned by there master? If her punishments aren't working and she disrespecting you and the law could possibly get involved. Threaten to abandoned her see how long she can go without her master. But that just me like you I'm a new master.

i did. I told her there was no way in hell I was getting involved with a cop. I still am not sure if I should stay with her. It's my first real BDSM relationship so I'm not sure how much is my fault, being a new Master.

Prissy · Apr 20, 2009

MrAero said:
i did. I told her there was no way in hell I was getting involved with a cop. I still am not sure if I should stay with her. It's my first real BDSM relationship so I'm not sure how much is my fault, being a new Master.

I will ask you a few questions that maybe you should think upon. They will be worded as if you would be asking yourself these questions.

Have I ever been too harsh with (sub)?

Have I always been there for (sub) when (sub) needs it?

Has (sub) always been truthful to me?

Has (sub) ever received a punishment, even if what (sub) did, was not (sub) fault?

If the first three questions receive a no, and the fourth receive a yes, then you should ask yourself why. If they are all proper answers, then you have done nothing wrong. And it may be her desires that are at fault, not yours.

ReallyGreen · Apr 20, 2009

I hate to say 'I told you so', but believe me when I say that I'm telling you in the most sympathetic terms.

The relationship is already over. Send her a text confirming it and wait alone in your house never knowing when your sub's new BF has browbeaten her into pressing charges against you: assault, battery, assault & battery, rape, sodomy, torture, unlawful imprisonment, cruel & unusual punishment etc etc etc typically have statutes of limitation timed in decades if they have any at all.

So the fact of the matter is this: Your former sub has enough rope to hang you 30 times over, and she's dating somebody who probably had a very dim view of you before he became her BF (have you ever met a cop who wasn't a possessive, jealous, vindictive piece of shit?).

You have my condolences.

Ms.sub13 · Apr 20, 2009

Hey,
I agree with reallygreen. The relationship is over. She might want to seem like a "victim" to this cop and tell him everything so she can feel protected. Especially if she is knew to this. I feel protected when my Master wraps his arms around me or pins me. But I have been into BDSM for years. I would def not punish her bc she might tell him. Her even telling him a little bit means there is a chance she could tell more. Different states have different statutes of limitations. Run and hope she didn't say anything and break up a.s.a.p

Ms.sub13 · Apr 20, 2009

Also don't send her a long email explaining yourself. She might save it and that is just proof against you. Sorry but aim for someone close to home next time. Good luck.

MrAero · Apr 21, 2009

Prissy said:
I will ask you a few questions that maybe you should think upon. They will be worded as if you would be asking yourself these questions.

Have I ever been too harsh with (sub)?

Have I always been there for (sub) when (sub) needs it?

Has (sub) always been truthful to me?

Has (sub) ever received a punishment, even if what (sub) did, was not (sub) fault?

If the first three questions receive a no, and the fourth receive a yes, then you should ask yourself why. If they are all proper answers, then you have done nothing wrong. And it may be her desires that are at fault, not yours.

Thank you prissy. The answer to all these is no. That really helps.

Really Green, I know, you're right. It does suck to have to be told "I told you so" but sometimes it's necessary.

Thanks everyone else who replied. I appreciate it.

When do BDSM relationships end?

MrAero

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MrChevron

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MrAero

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Prissy

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ReallyGreen

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Ms.sub13

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Ms.sub13

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MrAero

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