Frustrating vanilla husband.

not so vanilla · Aug 30, 2012

Hi thanks Subarama30. It's good to know I'm not alone! I'm glad you're getting somewhere after a long journey!
Yea I'm accepting now that it will take time and I have to be patient, which as I said I don't mind as long as I know it is progressing! I am definately going to try and list some things that I'd like to try. Sometimes its hard to explain some of things I need from it, like the psychological side of it and like you say even when some things are obvious to me (like in the movie you described), he still doesn't get it and I'm not sure how to spell it out to him!
Anyway thanks again and enjoy your new toys!!!

Roland · Aug 30, 2012

More good news, nsv. I'm glad you both enjoyed Secretary (my wife and I have watched it 3 times and a fourth with the commentary). I hope he stays the course and accepts the responsibilities and the rewards of domming you. Good Luck!

subarama30 · Aug 30, 2012

The psychological aspect is always going to be trickier I feel, they can learn how to spank or tie ropes etc but the mental side and adopting an effective and convincing Dom persona can take more time.

You have to be really specific sometimes, which can be awkward, but it does help. He can see it as 'oh he's just got her kneeling on the floor and hits her' when from our side the appeal is in the way the guy carries himself, his direct eye contact, sure confident movements and commands...you get the idea. It can be hard to grasp that it isn't always about being rough but commanding.

Winter · Aug 31, 2012

Wow! Lots of interesting stuff in this thread....

Maybe I am going about things the wrong way entirely and I should be trying to explore things with my partner opposed to finding someone else to satisfy that particular itch... It's a confusing place to be in...

not so vanilla · Aug 31, 2012

Yes, loved the film Roland!
Thanks again for the replies. I think you're right Subarama30 I will have to try to be more specific about it. It is difficult though, especially as I find it really difficult to talk about it anyway. I'll keep trying!

lasubbie101 · Sep 14, 2012

I have been going through the same issue as you and have posted previously. I can't remember if it was Roland or Sebastian who suggested writing in a journal and having your husband/Dom read it but I took hat advise and it helped tremendously. I actually started writing a couple of fantasies/detailed scene ideas that have always turned me on and my hubbie pretty much did what I had wrote down, in his own time and with his own devious ideas added, of course. I think part of his problem is that he really can't read my mind and despite absolutely hating reading, he was willing to read the short erotic stories I wrote to him. I have only done this 3 times so far but have had a good response from him pretty much each time. He even told me that he wasn't comfortable with some things I wanted and we talked about this and it lead to further discussion of some of his wants. (I.e. not so much like pulling teeth to get him to talk

. It is also very very hard for me to open up about such deep dark thoughts verbally and writing them down helps me communicate better too! Hope this helps!

spitfire · Sep 15, 2012

hi
communication key to any relationship,easy to say not so easy to do . we are new to bdsm but having great fun expanding are roles as switchers we are married 3 years we find when we can't talk due to kids about or a little uncomfortable with subject we use special email accounts we have set up just for our sub/dom selves and we find it good for talking about new ideas and deepest desires ect then when we are together we have started the ball rolling already and find it easier to talk about our new ideas .
hope this hepls

ViriumsKeeper · Sep 15, 2012

Hi,
As always the posts are great, communication is so key to any relationship! We also have a family and it is so hard to find time to explore. Iâ€™m not sure this is feasible for you but it never fails to work on me, once the kids are at school my sub will phone pic or video herself doing a task and it helps me stay in touch with her. As a man the visuals are just real hot, and it instantly lets me access my Dom persona. I hope everything goes well for you, and this can help in some small way.

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