Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by doman, Sep 5, 2012.

  1. doman

    doman New Member

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    Hello all, I am a dominant and sadistic man. I always presumed my darkest, deepest desires would go unfulfilled. Especially as I share a relationship with a more vanilla/dominant female, who struggles to be submissive no matter what. However, after much deliberation, I decided to go online to try and meet or connect with like-minded people...
    I ended up meeting a beautiful little submissive girl, who enjoyed giving pleasure and receiving pain. We only met once, but I felt quite besotted with her, I found myself acting like a bumbling fool, something I had managed to shake previously... Then things got intimate, and she was under my control, we toyed with bondage and rope play, spanking and role play etc... So, I had amazing night of bdsm sex with a younger female, which is exotic to me, as I have only ever been with women slightly older. And I decided to contact her a few days later, she did reply, but it was pretty cold, she didn't ask me anything or give me reason to respond further... So I didn't, we haven't spoke for 1 year exactly. So it's clear she's gone for good, but is it normal that I am still possessive of her? I feel like I owned her and now she's vanished? I now realise I had no true control over her at all and it's left me dazed and confused. I still feel plauged with feelings of jealousy, and questioning her personal and sexual life.. imagining her submitting to other men, making them feel the same way she did me....

    Does anyone understand what I am going through? I honestly did not imagine loosing a sub would be so destructive. Sorry to vent, but this has been bottled up ever since.

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    I can understand that at times when people get together for whatever reason and however honest they are about what it means, feelings can get confused and one person might feel more strongly than the other.

    You obviously felt more for this person and when it ended you struggled to make sense of why it did. I truly believed that I went into a BDSM relationship of sorts with my eyes open - knowing that it didnt mean anything romantic - it was just what it was between two friends. The worst part was that i was a virgin at at the time and he took it.

    As someone who had never had that experience before I 'fell' for him although I tried not to - he was open from the start that he wasnt interested in a relationship with me. After a couple of months he brought things to an end which I was ok with believing that we would still be friends (as we were before hand).

    Suffice to say I was exceedingly naieve and having got a bit of what he wanted (he was a sub) even though it wasnt with the ideal person he has now pretty much stopped talking to me and I feel like a complete idiot for being so naieve :(.

    I have probably babbled on a little too much about my situation but I wanted to say that although hard it does get easier with time. In a way you have the chance to forget and move on as she is not someone you see regularly.

    Maybe just remember what happened and when you meet someone new maybe talk about what sort of relationship it would be or if its just one night. You have the right to know and people shouldnt mislead intentionally.

    All the best to you

    Mistress Maria
  3. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    It sounds to me like you made a very strong connection to her, but she didn't make a similar connection to you. She wanted a night of fun play, and you were set for something more serious. I have definitely encountered subs like this--they are very submissive during the scene, but have no interest in anything beyond that one session. One of the sexiest guys I've ever played (about two months ago) was like that. It definitely sucks when you feel a connection and the sub doesn't--after all, you're completely in charge when you're playing, and then suddenly you lose your authority. It's quite a let-down.

    Being hung up a year after the fact, however, is unusual. My guess is that you're not so much in love with that sub as you are with the sense of power you felt. She represents that power to you, but it's not her so much as what you connected to through her. My advice would be to play with another sub and see how it feels.
  4. doman

    doman New Member

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    I'm glad you guys can talk openly about this stuff.. Honestly, I never thought dominants would get that sense of love so much... but to be honest, I miss her, whether it is what she represents or her, but I do..
    It's painful, and sad that we could not continue something that could have been wonderful. But I must remember that she was young, I was at an age of settling down, she was having fun. I just miss the sense of understanding, togetherness and that twisted connection.
  5. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Yeah, I know what you mean. I've played with a few guys I could totally have explored a relationship with, but they were young enough that relationships weren't at all what they were looking for. Sigh.

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