Jealousy

glasgow-sub · Feb 22, 2012

I'm pretty new to BDSM and have been playing with an online Master for a few weeks now. We've become very close very quickly, and we have a wonderful relationship. His needs and my needs just seem to match perfectly. I feel lucky to have found him! But my one problem is, I'm not his only slave, he has another, and I find myself becoming increasingly jealous of her. I've asked him to relieve me from my slave duties for a little while so I can think about what to do next. I'm considering walking away and trying to find a new Master. But I'd rather not walk away, as our relationship is so perfect except from my jealousy issues. Any advice would be great thanks!

Kor · Feb 22, 2012

If you're jealous of another online slave of an online master... walking away and picking the next master off the list isn't going to help things.

glasgow-sub · Feb 22, 2012

I don't want to walk away, I really don't. But how do I stop/help my jealousy issues. If walking away isn't going to help things - then what is?

stanley_jeffries · Feb 22, 2012

Kor's absolutely right. An online Master will normally have multiple slaves.

How about this.

One manifestation of submission is cuckolding. I know this normally takes the form of a dominant wife cuckolding her husband by making love to other men in front of him. But I think it could work with the sexes reversed too.

Try to channel your feelings of jealousy into feelings of submission as a "cuckolded slave". If your relationship with your Master is as good as you say it is, then you need to have a timeout from roleplay and discuss this properly. He may be able to adapt his domination to a form of more deliberate cuckolding - and hopefully this will help you feel that when he pays attention to his other slave(s) it is a direct act of dominance over you.

Note that he may interpret this as a form of topping from the bottom, but if it's bothering you that much then it's probably worth taking that risk. It sounds like you've already brought it up with him, so at this point you probably don't have anything to lose by suggesting it.

Does that make sense?

Cheers,
Stanley

glasgow-sub · Feb 22, 2012

Thanks for the reply. I think I understand. So what your saying is that he should tell me when he's going to be spending time with his other slave? And tell me the details of it? Maybe order me to perform a task until he's done with her? Hmmm, I'm not sure if this would make me feel more jealous or less jealous, but as you said, it's worth a try, especially as we do have such a good relationship. Perhaps see if he agrees to say that yes, I am not the only slave that he is training, but I am the only one that is HIS slave? He is merely playing with another slave to show me that he is the one in charge, and he can do as he wishes, but imust always obey him? He's very understanding, and I'm sure I can discuss this with him. As I said I really don't want to have to just walk away....

stanley_jeffries · Feb 22, 2012

Sort of...I think we need to break this down into two elements; one that has to happen with you, and the other would optionally happen with him.

You could try to imagine his interactions with his other slave(s) as a manifestation of domination over you. In other words, try to redirect or morph the feeling of jealousy you have into one of submission.

Let me see if I can give you an analogy.

Imagine you have an "in-person" Master, not just an online relationship. Let's say that each time your Master meets you (as long as you're alone) he slaps your face once. He doesn't say a thing as to why he's done it, but after a while you know that he's going to do it. Since he doesn't say if the slap is meant as a punishment, how do you interpret his action? Because you're in a sub/Dom relationship his slap is actually part of his act of domination. You come to accept it, and you probably look forward to the impact of his hand on your cheek. You regard it like a lover's kiss...his way to greet you.

But in your case he's not slapping your face...he's cuckolding you with another slave. You can choose to interpret this as an act of domination. And I think if you can think of it this way then you can use it to remove, or redirect the feeling of jealousy.

OK...so now the second part, which he can optionally do. If you are able to channel the feelings of jealousy successfully, then it may actually help if your Master consciously uses cuckolding terminology if he ever mentions the other slave(s).

So I'm not suggesting he talks more frequently about having other slaves, but if he does then he can phrase things in a way that makes it appear that he is consciously dominating you with this information.

By the way...I'm sure you're aware that feelings of jealousy in an online relationship are a warning sign that things are getting out of hand.

Cheers,
Stanley

glasgow-sub · Feb 22, 2012

Yes, I understand what you're saying. And it will help a lot I hope, but with regards to your final paragraph. 'A warning sign that things are getting out of hand' - I feared this to be honest. But then what's the solution to that? Our relationship has been very intense. Do you think we should try to slow things down, or I should stop sharing such intimate information with him?

stanley_jeffries · Feb 22, 2012

No, it sounds like you have a great relationship.

But something changed in that relationship and you seem to be unhappy. So let's consider what changed.

You're in an online sub/Dom relationship with a Master. He has one or more other slaves. You are feeling jealous of those slaves, and this jealousy is at the root of your unhappiness with the relationship.

So there are two basic facts here:

He has other slaves.
You are jealous of those other slaves.

The combination of these two factors is making you unhappy, and the idea is to remove this source of unhappiness. Two questions:

Is it reasonable for him to have other slaves?
Is it reasonable for you to be jealous?

This is just my opinion, but since he is an online Master, and it's very common for online Masters to have multiple slaves, then I would suggest that his behaviour is perfectly reasonable.

Is it reasonable for you to be jealous? If this were a "real life" relationship, and you had both entered into it in the spirit of exclusivity then it would be perfectly understandable for you to be jealous.

But this isn't a real life relationship. And you know that if you leave him and find another Master, you'll be in the same non-exclusive position, but the new Master may not understand you as well as your current Master.

I would suggest that if you leave him, the most likely outcome is that you will be less happy than you are now.

So the question is, can you reconcile your feelings and become happy again with this relationship without any changes in his behaviour?

If the answer to that question is "no" then I think you may have strayed over a boundary, and you may be expecting too much.

Cheers,
Stanley

glasgow-sub · Feb 22, 2012

Well stanley, thank goodness you happened to read my thread, your advice has been very helpful. And made me see that perhaps I am getting myself in too deep and becoming unreasonably jealous given that it is only an online relationship, we've already spoke of the future though, and spoken about perhaps meeting. I think if we were to meet, perhaps then I would have reason to be jealous, but for now it is probably my own emotions getting out of control.

stanley_jeffries · Feb 22, 2012

I'm glad I could be of help.

I think you were doing the right thing anyway - asking for relief from your duties to just take a time-out.

It's not a big surprise that intense relationships like this can get a bit...intense

It sounds like you have found a great online Master, and by cooling things down a bit you are less likely to make him nervous too.

I wish you well with your slavery!

Cheers,
Stanley

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