Entering Polyamory

TwistedSister · Jul 7, 2010

My Sir and I have discussed bringing another into Our relationship. I was in full agreement until I found I have some jealous tendancies. I was unaware of them with others I have been with, so this is a new emotion to me. He and I have discussed it and He is aware of how I feel.

I am not sure if it is pertinent to this, but I am a switch - submitting to only Him. I will not to submit to another. He recognizes this and is eager to assist me in becoming a better Dominant. And I am in my 40's - so I have experienced quite a bit and this jealousy thing is very annoying

I am still very much in favor of bringing in another and am excited about the idea. I just don't know of a good way to try to get over these twinges of jealousy. He thinks I am more possessive of him and less jealous, but these mean the same thing to me.

Any one out there have an advice or ideas? Perhaps you have been in a similar position and could let me know how you handled the situation.

Thanks.

L8NightQ · Jul 7, 2010

twisted - If you have even a twinge of the jealousy or possessiveness you mentioned, then you better be the one who picks out the playmate.

This is a rough road no matter how you drive it.

How are you gonna decide who's toy it is?.... If the toy is yours and you are his?

I'll follow this one.

Good luck. ...... and welcome to the forum.

sebastian · Jul 7, 2010

Go slow. Like L8 said, help your Sir make the selection and then do a test drive--a single playdate with no guarantee that it will ever be more than that. Once you've played, have a serious conversation with your Sir and be honest about how you felt. If you think you can handle any jealousy you might feel, then talk about making it something more regular with the other sub. But don't force it. Polyamory and open relationships are difficult--I've had many friends who did it, and I've never seen one last long term, although I know of those who have. So if it doesn't feel comfortable, you need to admit that you're not ready for it yet or that you just can't do it. There is no shame in being monogamous.

L8NightQ · Jul 8, 2010

Good point Seb

I too have had some friends (3 couples) who have added a 3rd, then after a while it just didn't work out. With two of them the one who wanted the addition was the one who wanted out. Go figure....

One other couple who added a friend of mine, just cut her loose after a while and stayed together.

sebastian · Jul 8, 2010

Of course, all of the polyamorous relationships that I've observed were, so far as I know, vanilla in terms of equality of the partners. In a dom/sub relationship, where the subs understood that the dom had the final say and were willing to abide by that, there is a greater chance that a polyamorous relationship will remain stable.

Sparrow69 · Jul 8, 2010

I also agree, go slow, COMMUNICATE, and make sure that the partner is shared equally between both parties. my wife and I share several subs, and she, like you, is a switch for me. She's very dominant, as much as I am, but she is my sub... however, we have selected and agreed with every sub that we have, and if one of us feels uncomfortable in the beginning for whatever reason, we don't pursue it.
There's a lot of wisdom in your guts... follow them. you probably feel jealous because your feeling slighted in some way. if your in on the choice and you share the new member of your family, then im sure you'll do just fine.

master jey · Jul 8, 2010

If you are uncomfortable with his decision just tell him bringing in third party isn't only his decision

TwistedSister · Jul 8, 2010

Thanks for the ideas - I think assisting in the process will be good for me. I talked to Him and he not only is OK with it, but wants it that way. I will keep reading here and post periodically. Thanks all ... whew - this is new and sort of rough. But good I think.

TwistedSister · Jul 10, 2010

I talked some more with my Sir. We are going to a play party this weekend. He and another sub have been talking on and off for a bit. He is thinking she is ready for just a little play (OTK spanking - that sort of thing). He wants me to be with them when it happens (assuming it does). I at first thought no. I asked him to tell me what he wanted me to do. He said he would. Sounds like a pretty lame first step, huh?

sebastian · Jul 10, 2010

There's no right speed here. You and your Sir have to figure out what works for you. If this first step is what the two of you agree is a good way to start exploring, then it's right for you. Whether is fast enough for some other d/s couple is irrelevant.

Entering Polyamory

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