In need of domination

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Sweet_and_Obedient, Sep 13, 2010.

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  1. Sweet_and_Obedient

    Sweet_and_Obedient New Member

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    Ok my dilemma is that I am completely devoted to being a sub but my boyfriend does not understand bdsm completely although I have tried to explain it to him. He does get rough during sex but I want so much more than sex play. For me its like domination is a need for me and without it I feel miserable. I have no limits that I know of thus far and I am even to the point of acting out so that maybe I can get some attention from him in the manner that I want even if it involves a punishment of some sort. I just need some pointers on how to make him more aware of these needs and of how important this is to me.
  2. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

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    (you should read the FAQ thread. And then your boyfriend should read the FAQ thread. And then you two should have a long, long discussion)
  3. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Warning: don't read this if you're easily squicked out!

    Sweet, trust me, you have limits. Many new subs think they don't have limits, but I guarantee you do. Just to provide a few examples of the more extreme forms of bdsm that you might hesitate at, some doms:
    piss on the sub
    shit on the sub
    force the sub to eat shit
    vomit on the sub
    tattoo or brand the sub
    cut and bleed the sub
    scar the sub
    suspend the sub by the breasts
    temporarily asphyxiate the sub
    keep the sub locked in a cage for long periods of time
    mummify the sub for long periods of time
    treat the sub as a piece of furniture for long periods of time
    pass the sub around in a gang bang
    force the sub into sex in what is virtually rape
    force the sub to have sex with animals
    require the sub to have sex on a web cam
    require the sub to surrender control of the sub's bank account
    require the sub to engage in prostitution
    virtually brainwash the sub
    use hypnosis to have sex with the sub without the sub remembering it
    require the sub to engage in unsafe sex
    require the sub to risk injury through pain play or extreme bondage
    require the sub to risk loss of job, arrest, and so on through public humiliation or nudity
    require the sub to wrestle or fight another sub until one is rendered unconscious
    require the sub to do illegal drugs or get drunk before sex
    require a hetero sub to have sex with a person of the same sex

    I'm not saying that these actions are all morally equal or that some of them don't cross the line into out and out abuse, or that they're all safe and sane. But for better or worse, there are doms out there who do these things, and there are subs out there who enjoy them or are willing to accept them. So, depending on your dom, if you say you have no limits, you might wind up going very far down the bdsm rabbit hole indeed. In gay bdsm personals, it's very common for guys to specify "no kids, no women, no blood, no scat, no permanent marks". Personally, I find all of those limits eminently reasonable.
  4. kajmir

    kajmir Member

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    -Copies 90% of list..-
  5. Boundperil

    Boundperil Member

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    I've seen worse things done too.......

    Always have a list of hard and soft limits lol.
  6. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

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    sweet -
    I know this thread started taking a bit of a turn, but....

    Aside from reading the beginners thread, you might want to get him a book called "When someone you love is kinky".

    Also, sillylittlepet has an post on that same thread about a website that has a section called "BDSM for nice guys". That would help too.

    You were supposed to get back to us when you got through the thread.

    You still here? Cause we got more.

  7. flogger59

    flogger59 New Member

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    new boyfreind

    Sorry but if after multiple attempts and conversations to get him to Dom out and you are not successful you need to find a new boyfreind. Marrying someone and being stuck in a vanilla relationship sucks you will never be really happy. I am sure many others are in the same boat
  8. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Well, it's really a question of whether an unsatisfying sex life outweighs the good elements of the rest of the relationship. If the kinky person knows going into the marriage that it will be vanilla and is willing to make that sacrifice, then it can be done. But yes, if someone is solidly vanilla, they are unlikely to grow into being kinky.
  9. kajmir

    kajmir Member

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    At the risk of being a douche, why can't she have her bf and find an online master to help satisfy some of the urges she has.

    Bf is happy and remains ignorant. She gets what she needs without the fustration and some dom happily has a plaything once in a while.

    I admit this is not totally fair to her bf but on the other hand A lot don't even consider online stuff cheating.
  10. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Dan Savage would probably agree, Kaj. My feeling is that an arrangement like that should be out in the open, so that the partner knows about it.
  11. Boundperil

    Boundperil Member

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    It has to be in the open, with communication a must. I have been living like this for a long time, and it is not easy. There is a balance, it is very delicate, even still, there are constant bumps in the road. However, if you want it bad, you can make it work with the right partner.

    I don't keep anything from my bride, she also doesn't want to hear the details. It is just a challenge, but well worth it.
  12. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

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    interesting perspective BP - was getting to it a smooth road, or a bumpy one?
  13. kajmir

    kajmir Member

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    I feel a need to defend myself, NOT that anyone was harsh with me. Sweet hasn't answered us, so I'm just saying, maybe it's not in her bf to do this to the extent she needs. And maybe for all intense purposes he is a fabulous bf except this and she is LOATH to loose him.

    Not everyone is so willing to share. A Online Master on the side might be a thing. Even just for a few rare email tasks that are more harsh then the bf can offer.

    See thing is I can see this happening to me.

    I want marriage, kids, white picket fence optional. It doesn't mean I'm going to luck out with a dom or top as well or that he is gonna be all that open to sharing..I could love him deeply, if he is good with the kids, supports his family, you know just an all around great guy...what does one do if he's NOT into it and doesn't want to share?

    Frankly without a bit of erm..."encouragement" I don't cum so easily anymore. What I like is fairly mild in the world of BMSD, some name calling, bit of hair pulling and I could PROLLY manage, but I could see how this would be a problem for others.

    I'm not encouraging people to go cheat, however I have been in a long term relationship where the sex was incredibly unsatifying, it led to resentment on my side, it led to hurt feelings on his. I did try time and again to talk it out, work it out, kindly suggest...

    Atleast an online you aren't bring home anything, it's restricted and can be even more so. I'm saying this as a last resort. I'm not encouraging cheating but when do you do when you live in a shoes...

    And this was prolly worded rather horribly because frankly I'm having a hard time irl...
  14. Boundperil

    Boundperil Member

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    Both. Like I said, it is...fluent. There are things that she can't do, has no desire to do, will not do. I have fetishes that I need fulfilled. I have tried to walk away from them, ignore them. That has made my life unbearable in a lot of ways.

    We came to an agreement of being able to play for me. I like to damsel in distress, bondage peril. I can have a session with out intercourse, though I that is not a restriction.

    The main restriction for us is still desiring each other. We have a very deep love, I know that I will never leave her, she knows she never will leave me. But if i don't desire her in the bedroom, that is a problem just for our lives.

    I can get into zones with play partners that afterwards, vanilla or even light bondage, will have no effect on me. I have to make sure, that I come back to her sexually.

    That is why it is always in motion. She is....submissive light for me, which I am so thankful for.

    For her, she has Catholic guilt, and on the other side, the desires she wants.

    The bumpy road is still here, we just work it together.

    I don't know if that makes any sense at 550am LOL
  15. bsproms

    bsproms New Member

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    Maybe give him small tastes of the benefits of having a sexual slave. Introduce it to him slowly. When he sees how much it turns you on, he might warm to the idea. Let him get comfortable with the feel of it and slowly introduce more if he is willing. Problem is, when you get a taste for it and your fantasies are being made real, it is hard to revert back to normal sex. I have no place to suggest you leave him, only you can make such a decision. Meeting someone purely on the basis of their sexual orientation seems unwise.
    Good luck with whatever you decide.
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