Need advice from another slave, please.

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Slave_without_her_Master, Feb 8, 2009.

  1. MIRROR: Download from MEGA

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    Hello, everyone. I am new to this site, and the reason why I came here is because I have no where else to go. I'm hoping that here, I can be myself, and not have to hide the fact that - I am what I am - and that none of you will judge me for it.

    So, here's my story.

    I am a submissive, and I follow the lifestyle out of my sexual relationship. I have only done this once. I am...picky, about the Master I have. I can be very agressive, very stubborn, and I need someone that will break me. I met him 6 years ago. We lived together for 4 years, and haven't been together for 2.

    We were both young when we started, and we didn't know how to solve alot of problems (with genral life) and it complicated our relationship. He was a good Master to me, but, I guess I didn't know my limits. Well, more like, I was afraid to tell him I'd reached that point.

    Stupid, stupid, stupid me.

    It got to the point where we were both out-of-control and I left him. And it's killing me.

    He's with someone, in a "normal" relationship, and we've stayed in casual contact over the years. I know that part of him, at least, misses the relationship that we had. Recently, I've participated in a threesome with him and his girl.

    I know that she knows a little bit about us, but I don't know if she knows how I feel.

    I can not allow myself to be close to another person, in the way that I want to be, because I can not find anyone as good as he was, or what I was looking for. I have tried, and it's been pleasent enough, but it doesn't compare to what we had.

    I am asking anyone for advice on this:

    I would like to continue to see him, or her, in whatever way they need me to be there for them. I still am very, connected?, to him, and weather he is with me or not, I still would like to be. I don't expect him, or push or talk about, him leaving her to be with me. I'm not hoping for it. I just want to be whatever he is in most need of.

    I want to know, is there anything I can do, that would make it easier on myself when I am not with him?
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  2. Fire_burns

    Fire_burns New Member

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    It depends on what you are to him, it doesn't sound like he has taken you on as a sub or slave again, but somebody who randomly connects with him and his girl if you want it to be more then that fine, but the two of them have to be on board with it. As to you missing him, find something or somebody else to focus on while you not with them, to take the edge off. Take up yoga, have a master refine techniques on you, go take a class at college, whatever you want. But focusing on him all the time when there isn't too much going on, well that doesn't make too much sense. I know you want him, he might want you, but you should let what is going to happen, happen, and if it is not going to happen you should be prepared for that.
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  3. MIRROR: Download from MEGA

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    You are right, he has not taken me back as a Slave. He will make comments about how he can "make me" (do anything he wants) but, it's more like a tease...well, more like him telling me "I know that you're still in love with me, and that I have complete control over you. I'm telling you that I do know this, that I have this power, and I could exersise that option if I wanted to. I choose not to, but am reminding you of the fact that you will always be mine."

    Beleive me, I know how crazy obsessed I sound but...I'm only being honest.

    As far as me trying to find another Master, it's something I just...can't do. I've been in two relationships since we've broken up, and every night I've slept with them, I cried myself to sleep because (even though we aren't together) it still feels like I'm cheating on him.

    Maybe I just need some psychiatric help but....If I can't have him I don't want anyone else.

    I'm content to waiste out the rest of my existance because I'm sick of living a lie....

    I know it's really not a healthy place for me to be in, mentally, but...I feel like I deserve to be punished for the rest of my life for leaving him...and I accept my punishment. I tried, for 2 years, to move past him, and that feels...wrong. It doesn't hurt, it just I'm making the problem worse.

    So....I'm just going to except the fact that from now until forever I'll be without him. I'm just half a person.

    But, if he ever calls for me, for whatever he needs....I'll do what I can.
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  4. Fire_burns

    Fire_burns New Member

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    Slave without her Master,
    I get where your coming from, maybe you do need a little help. On the other hand maybe you just need some time and a little bit of focus on other things. I think you would be fine if you got a new master. One who you serve and love as much as you did this last guy if not more. I feel for your situation, but as a sub you relize that giving in and letting another control you can be very fulfilling, find somebody who you can do that with and let go. You don't need to like it at first this is to help you move past the past, and if you feel like your doing wrong ignore it. Your serving your new master and need to move past this other fella at some point. You will be doing well as a slave. I wish you luck in whatever your choice is and hope you find somebody or something who makes your life fulfilling soon.
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  5. Prissy

    Prissy Member

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    What I think you need slave without her master, is a new master that can make you forget about them. As already know, he isn`t taking you back, so you aren`t actually cheating on him, as he is already gone.

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