MIRROR: Download from MEGA
I agree with sebastian here, I think there were some major underlying issues that you hadn't dealth with that being submissive brought out. I couldn't even begin to figure out the issue with so little information and I doubt anyone could.
Beyond that, I find the blaming of bdsm more then slightly offensive. Clearly you didn't decide to try bdsm on a whim, and like everyone else who has ever voluntarily engaged in bdsm, they did so because they felt something off in their life, even if on a subconscious level. The fact you knew something was wrong and when it wasn't fixed by bdsm in a single session you so quickly condemn it as being the problem in your life, is the same as people saying "if he'd have never tried marijuana back in college he wouldn't have tried harder drugs."
You are placing undue blame on something that has nothing to do with your problems, and you need to seek help before you ostracize yourself from the only community that openly accepts anyone regardless of their faults and quirks.
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