Considering Writing A Blog

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by BuhoCurioso, Jul 23, 2012.

  1. BuhoCurioso

    BuhoCurioso New Member

    Hi, I've been lurking on these boards for some time now. I've never posted but I've found that a lot of things discussed here have helped me greatly in many ways. I've always been very nervous of sex, BDSM or otherwise although I've never been able to determine why. As I've been doing a bit of soul-searching to determine what might be the root of it, I also started looking into various different types of sex to see what aspects make me uncomfortable and what doesn't worry me.

    As such I came across BDSM multiple times. I hadn't though very much about it as the majority of what I saw was basically porn, which of course isn't very good source material. I didn't fully start to explore it until I came across the 'Fifty Shades of Grey' book (I realise there's a thread about this, it's not the focus of my post here I'm just trying to explain how I've reached the point I'm at). A lot what I read really disturbed me, things like how Christian seemed to really be pressuring an extremely inexperienced girl into various activities that she didn't really have much chance to understand. Something that really upset me is that even if she made it clear she didn't want to do something he would always put pressure on her - a sort of 'come on, you'll like it - honest!' I also didn't like how it seemed to portray a liking for BDSM as some sort of personality defect that people need to get over. So, feeling very anxious and unsure about the whole thing I decided to do some research - I'm a firm believer of the maxim that fear is usually caused by ignorance.

    I was relieved to find that most of the things I found worrying were not commonplace. The more I learned about safety words and hard/soft limits the less worried I became about the whole thing. As I went deeper though I did find other aspects that I found extremely difficult to understand. Many of them induced very negative feelings in me; the worst I felt was that I was a complete hypocrite. I'm someone who always preaches tolerance for people who want to lead their lives the way they want to, so long as everyone was safe and consenting. However some of the things I read about made me feel angry towards the people who were participating - logically I knew there was nothing wrong with any of it, but I just couldn't get over the gut feeling that something wasn't right. It made me feel extremely guilty and ashamed that I should get such strong negative feelings towards people just because they enjoyed things I didn't really understand.

    Since then I've done a lot of soul-searching, trying to find out what inspires such negative feelings, both for myself and others, as I don't feel it's fair to judge others for the lives they lead regardless of how uncomfortable it makes me. It's been very difficult, especially as I have little to no sexual experience - making it even harder to get my read round some of the things I encountered. I do feel though that I'm making a lot of progress in understanding why people take part in BDSM, why there's nothing wrong with it and also coming to my own conclusions on what I think I would enjoy. I don’t want to rush into sex until I’m fairly sure of what’s going to work for me – in the end I may just find that BDSM in any form is not for me, but I think the best thing to do is look into all the options and explore my feelings for them.

    I had been writing all my feelings down in my journal - something that always helps me through emotional experiences. As I was writing the thought occurred to me that maybe I could help other people in the same situation. There's a plethora of useful information out there and reading about the stories of people who take part in BDSM and some of the obstacles they had to overcome have been absolutely invaluable to me.

    However I did sense there was a bit of a gap in the information available. I found very little about the hurdles people may need to overcome in couples where one person has discovered an interest in BDSM. I found a lot of advice for the person discovering that they enjoy BDSM, but also little about how their partner may feel when they express their desire to participate. Of course there's every chance that their partner likes BDSM too so there's not much of a problem, but there's an equal chance that their partner will be struggling through a lot of mixed emotions and may be more upset and confused than may be expected. I also found that whenever this topic was raised there were a lot of worrying answers along the lines of 'you should just do it if you really love them.' Of course this wasn't everyone but it's worrying that anyone would suggest that. This is just an example of a gap in information that I wanted to look into more that I found difficult to find anything useful for.

    I feel that whenever someone's trying to get more information on a certain subject, the best thing is to have a variety of different sources and viewpoints to compare and help you reach your own conclusions. Although the information from people experienced in BDSM is invaluable I also feel that people may feel encouraged to read about the opinions and emotions of someone inexperienced too, maybe so they understand that they're not the only one struggling with certain emotions.

    We journey exploring BDSM is one that has been far more emotional then I'm used to. I feel that if I shared my story and chronicled my progress as I learn more about BDSM and myself it could be very useful to someone. I think it could really help someone especially if they're experiencing negative emotions but are confused as to why.

    So I just wanted to know whether everyone thinks this would be a good idea? Would I be helping people providing a different viewpoint or could it be possible that I'll just confuse people further? I'd really like to get everyone's opinion before I start on anything.

    Thanks for taking the time to read this - I realise it's quite a long post - especially for a first one!
  2. MrWolfgang

    MrWolfgang Member

    Ah shoot man....I say go for it. Whats the worst that could happen? Maybe youll feel better getting shit off your chest. Maybe you will get some good feedback from it. Dunno till ya try. Best of luck with it.
  3. BuhoCurioso

    BuhoCurioso New Member

    Okay thanks, I think I'll give it a go :)
  4. impkitty

    impkitty New Member

    Pleased that you will give it a try. If you don't like it, then there's nothing lost by having tried. I know I'd be interested in following it :)
  5. BuhoCurioso

    BuhoCurioso New Member

    Would it be appropriate to post a link to it, or are links not allowed on this board?
  6. MrWolfgang

    MrWolfgang Member

    No clue. Sure one of the regulars will pop in here at some point and let ya know on that. I tho, would be interested in reading it should you give er' a go.
  7. BuhoCurioso

    BuhoCurioso New Member

    I've already set it up so it's all ready to start read, so I'll just wait for someone to let me know.
  8. BuhoCurioso

    BuhoCurioso New Member


    Hey, I've been looking around on other posts and there do seem to be quite a few links about so I think it should be okay to be post my link here? Just if anyone does fancy taking a look, some of the posts are quite long though!

    Thanks for everyone's advice, even just getting a few post's worth of stuff off my chest is already helping me to work through some stuff. I really appreciate the help :)
  9. MrWolfgang

    MrWolfgang Member

    Very cool read. Enjoyed that.
  10. Roland

    Roland Member

    I've been reading through some of your blog (from the bottom up) and I think you are doing a fantastic job. Your review for FSOG was funny and informative. Keep it up!
  11. BuhoCurioso

    BuhoCurioso New Member


    Thanks guys, nice to get positive feedback :) I did have to break up some of the posts earlier because a couple were just waaay too long.
  12. impkitty

    impkitty New Member

    Your blog has been a great read over a couple of days, I can really sense the journey you're taking yourself on. I love that you are thinking on your doubts as well as better discoveries, who doesn't have them? I hope it's helping you to sort through everything. There's a lot to be said for writing it out, sleeping on it and looking at it fresh the next day even if the answers are still elusive :)
  13. BuhoCurioso

    BuhoCurioso New Member

    Thank you, I do feel like getting everything down in writing has helped me make a few little baby steps forward. You can't help but feel a bit silly sometimes looking back on something you've written whilst you were angry/upset, but those posts are usually pretty honest so I think I need to get them down when I need to so I can look back on them later and try figure out what it was that was upsetting me.

    Very therapeutic! :)

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