Hurting: Question

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by rainier, Dec 2, 2009.

  1. rainier

    rainier New Member

    I have a really quick question:

    I was talking to someone and she said that she didn't like any part of BDSM, D/s, or S&M because she couldn't understand how a person could want to hurt the person they care about. I tried to tell her that that's not what it's about.

    I know that the purpose of a D/s relationship is not to hurt the person you care about (that would be wrong) but I was no good at explaining it to her.

    Any help? :confused:
  2. Martello

    Martello Member

    In short - some like it rough. To each their own.
  3. subspace

    subspace Member

    I don’t know where to start with this question, or stop for that matter, so Ill just pick the two points that came to mind first.
    Hurting is just one aspect of BDSM and isn't necessary in all relationships in this lifestyle. For those that enjoy pain, either giving or receiving, they derive some sort of pleasure from it so the argument can be made that the pain is merely a way to heighten the experience. Pain tends to increase the intensity of orgasm if done correctly so it could be viewed as a means to very amazing ending that most will never experience.
    Beyond the aspect of hurting someone you love, it is hard to find a greater expression of trust and than allowing the one you care for to render you completely helpless and know that you are safer in those moments of bondage with you Master than any other time in your life.
  4. I love it, short and sweet.

    rainer - In my experience, either someone is honestly interested, or they're not. If they are, they will learn on their own to some extent. Doesnt sound like they're interested in learning, so it doesnt sound like it's worth trying to explain to them.
  5. Zandar

    Zandar Member

    If they (she in this case) aint interested as a result of a wrong view (probably stereo type info about the scene), an alteration of view might result in (new) interest. :)

    I think we all agree that Martello gave the fastest and most clear answer. Cant really see something to add to that for now.

    I am curious how your conversation went, rainier, and what the result was.
  6. GreyMac

    GreyMac Member

    Imagine that you are at a party and a person you don't like comes in. A few moments later that person has stealthily come up behind you and just as you realize who it is behind you, they grab the pressure point areas at the point where your neck and upper shoulders meet. He or she squeezes hard on those pressure points and it hurts like hell. You get a sudden dump of adrenalin into your bloodstream, and your body goes into 'Fight or Flight' response. You are hurt and really angry.

    Now imagine that you are lying on a padded table in a quiet room with nice music playing. The room is comfortably warm and softly lit. A professional masseuse whom you know and trust comes in and starts to give you an excellent massage. A few minutes later the masseuse is squeezing you in exactly the same place with exactly the same pressure. Not only does it not hurt, it is deeply and wonderfully pleasurable.

    It's all about approach, attitude, intent and context.
  7. master jey

    master jey Moderator

    wow grey you have nicely formed this
  8. Calli

    Calli New Member

    The way I always explain it is that the nerves don't know the difference between pleasure and pain. All they do is carry an electrical impulse. It's the brain that interprets it as either pleasure or pain. If it please your lover to have a more intense sensation that their brain interprets positively, then of course, you would want to do that.
  9. Naughty Neena

    Naughty Neena Member

  10. GreyMac

    GreyMac Member

    Master Jey and Naughty Neena: Thank you both very much for the nice compliments.
  11. sarah555

    sarah555 Member

    I'd explain to her, that, if I was experiencing pain, then it would be hurting me. But in sexual high, the pain inflicted turns to exquisite pleasure, that brings you practically to nirvana. Best drugs in the world.
    So hurting someone is only hurting someone if it actually hurts.
    IF it doesn't hurt, then it's not hurting.
  12. The way my master and I have always looked at it is, there is hurting, and there is harming. Hurting being, to us, the infliction of physical pain to bring pleasure to both/all parties, whereas harming is when things go too far; hurting the mind of the recipient, deliberately breaking the limits set, that sort of thing. If everyone involved is clear on the difference between the two from the word go, then all is well, but if not, there is potential for problems to occur at some point.

    I hope that made sense? :confused:
  13. pepeluism

    pepeluism Member

    Here is my own take on this, which as it turns out, seems to differ from others.

    I actually don't enjoy the pain. I tend to play with sadistic doms, so when they beat me, whip me, kick me, etc, it's in no way pleasurable. They want to hurt me and they do. They make me cry, scream and beg. They get off on that.

    What is in it for me? I have always found it hard to explain, but I can tell you this: The adrenaline rush I get the moments before a beating, as I hang helpless, naked, and see my Mistress holding a whip, is unbelievable.

    The moments after being punished, as I lay on the floor, weeping, beaten, are extremely liberating and calm.

    The best part comes afterwards. When I see the welts the day after. When I think of the ways I humiliated myself to make the pain stop and the complete power she had over me. I get so turned on that it's unreal. I keep that high for days, and when it starts to go down, I start thinking on the next session and the cycle continues.

    Maybe I'm not wired right, but this is me.
  14. chrisincuffs

    chrisincuffs New Member

    I enjoy the marks my Master leaves on my skin, because I too look at the welts and feel the sting later on and it brings me right back to that moment Master inflicted them upon me. Instantly I feel the intense pleasure of his touch

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