Hurting: Question

rainier

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I have a really quick question:

I was talking to someone and she said that she didn't like any part of BDSM, D/s, or S&M because she couldn't understand how a person could want to hurt the person they care about. I tried to tell her that that's not what it's about.

I know that the purpose of a D/s relationship is not to hurt the person you care about (that would be wrong) but I was no good at explaining it to her.

Any help? :confused:
 
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Martello

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I don’t know where to start with this question, or stop for that matter, so Ill just pick the two points that came to mind first.
Hurting is just one aspect of BDSM and isn't necessary in all relationships in this lifestyle. For those that enjoy pain, either giving or receiving, they derive some sort of pleasure from it so the argument can be made that the pain is merely a way to heighten the experience. Pain tends to increase the intensity of orgasm if done correctly so it could be viewed as a means to very amazing ending that most will never experience.
Beyond the aspect of hurting someone you love, it is hard to find a greater expression of trust and than allowing the one you care for to render you completely helpless and know that you are safer in those moments of bondage with you Master than any other time in your life.
 
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Zandar

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either someone is honestly interested, or they're not
If they (she in this case) aint interested as a result of a wrong view (probably stereo type info about the scene), an alteration of view might result in (new) interest. :)

I think we all agree that Martello gave the fastest and most clear answer. Cant really see something to add to that for now.

I am curious how your conversation went, rainier, and what the result was.
 
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GreyMac

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Imagine that you are at a party and a person you don't like comes in. A few moments later that person has stealthily come up behind you and just as you realize who it is behind you, they grab the pressure point areas at the point where your neck and upper shoulders meet. He or she squeezes hard on those pressure points and it hurts like hell. You get a sudden dump of adrenalin into your bloodstream, and your body goes into 'Fight or Flight' response. You are hurt and really angry.

Now imagine that you are lying on a padded table in a quiet room with nice music playing. The room is comfortably warm and softly lit. A professional masseuse whom you know and trust comes in and starts to give you an excellent massage. A few minutes later the masseuse is squeezing you in exactly the same place with exactly the same pressure. Not only does it not hurt, it is deeply and wonderfully pleasurable.

It's all about approach, attitude, intent and context.
 
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