Have you ever been criticized for your lifestyles?


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Oh that's sad...(btw, the ads on this site don't help anyone's case)

My parents know I'm smart enough that I'll eventually find a girl who loves me just as I am. And I now NEVER use "BDSM" when talking about it; I say "I'll treat my girlfriend/wife like a treasured pet and cherish her like the romanticized feudal tales of medieval chivalry."

Maybe it's easier for "Masters/Mistresses to come out than slaves?
 
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Welcome to the forum!!
I never bring up the issue of D/s with anyone outside of the scene. I do this because unless you are personally involved in some form of BDSM whether on a personal basis or just as a curious researcher, you simply don’t have enough information available to do anything but resort to the stereotypes of what most people think defines BDSM - abuse, oppression, brainwashing, disrespect and depraved sex. Let’s face facts, all of us started out on the journey into BDSM not knowing what it was really about. We here at the forum have combined a ton of experience and yet look at all the questions we have everyday! :) So, unless someone needs to know about my lifestyle choice I simply don’t discuss it, I simply don’t feel the need to share it. This fact was reinforced a few weeks ago at a bbq with friends: I have never been one to enjoy porn but I have recently gotten brave and have found some great BDSM sites with porn I actually like. After much alcohol consumption and the deterioration of the conversation, Top made an off handed comment to the others at the party that I only like porn that involves someone crying by the end! Needless to say I got some ‘what the hell’ looks along with some excited looks too. I figure if anyone wants more info they can ask but until then I let the subject rest.

On another note - so happy you have found a Church that is a great fit for you. I was thinking as I read this thread that it has never occurred to me to discuss my lifestyle with Church members, you must have a pretty tight-knit community.

As far as parents go...I would never say anything to them about BDSM. I love them dearly, they are wonderful but I really don’t see the need to 'go there' with them - God knows it was traumatizing enough to hear them having sex as a child and (yikes) the last time I visited them! Ha-ha - good for them right? Maybe because I am older (thirty-something) and independent and don’t live the lifestyle 24/7 makes it easier to keep it private. I honestly don’t feel I am missing out on anything by not sharing this aspect of myself with anyone other than other BDSMers.


Metallic taste hum....have you ever been tested for heavy metal levels?
 
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Welcome to the forum!!
I never bring up the issue of D/s with anyone outside of the scene. I do this because unless you are personally involved in some form of BDSM whether on a personal basis or just as a curious researcher, you simply don’t have enough information available to do anything but resort to the stereotypes of what most people think defines BDSM - abuse, oppression, brainwashing, disrespect and depraved sex. Let’s face facts, all of us started out on the journey into BDSM not knowing what it was really about. We here at the forum have combined a ton of experience and yet look at all the questions we have everyday! :) So, unless someone needs to know about my lifestyle choice I simply don’t discuss it, I simply don’t feel the need to share it. This fact was reinforced a few weeks ago at a bbq with friends: I have never been one to enjoy porn but I have recently gotten brave and have found some great BDSM sites with porn I actually like. After much alcohol consumption and the deterioration of the conversation, Top made an off handed comment to the others at the party that I only like porn that involves someone crying by the end! Needless to say I got some ‘what the hell’ looks along with some excited looks too. I figure if anyone wants more info they can ask but until then I let the subject rest.

On another note - so happy you have found a Church that is a great fit for you. I was thinking as I read this thread that it has never occurred to me to discuss my lifestyle with Church members, you must have a pretty tight-knit community.

As far as parents go...I would never say anything to them about BDSM. I love them dearly, they are wonderful but I really don’t see the need to 'go there' with them - God knows it was traumatizing enough to hear them having sex as a child and (yikes) the last time I visited them! Ha-ha - good for them right? Maybe because I am older (thirty-something) and independent and don’t live the lifestyle 24/7 makes it easier to keep it private. I honestly don’t feel I am missing out on anything by not sharing this aspect of myself with anyone other than other BDSMers.


Metallic taste hum....have you ever been tested for heavy metal levels?

Thanks for the help! I'm at this stage in my life as BDSM-researcher, b/c I need to concentrate on passing my SATs so I can study biochemistry at Leeds University in the UK. Once I get my degree and return back to CA to be employed as a research associate at a biotech firm and begin work on my doctorate will my life be stable enough for me to begin my search for the girl I'll spend the rest of my life with. Yes, that's a run-on sentence. Sue me.

As you probably read in my original post, I've got some mild but slighty noticable frontal lobe damage, so I talk way too much and sometimes reveal info better kept secret, which I then kick myself for. Like what happened to me at my old church. He ASKED for what my viw was, I TOLD him in very charitable terms...what did I do wrong?

I also think out loud while trying to solve complicated problems, get distracted by sensory things, and am generally "the lovable genius wackjob", like Wayne Szalinski. My future slave is going to have fun with me! Or run away after I've driven her insane unintentionally. I'd need her as not only my life-long companion, but also as an executive assistant.

I had my own experience of walking in on my parents...their nonchalantness disturbed me even more.

I've never been tested for heavy metal poisoning, because those tests are expensive, and I'd probably have generalized physical symptoms like a rash or weakness (I've got ataxic CP on my right side due to my brain injury that used to be severe but now only a movement disorders specialist can spot it).

Also, I don't HAVE a metallic taste, I LIKE a metallic taste. You can't tell me you've never liked the taste of the copper and zinc alloy in pennies :)

Thanks for all your help!
 
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He ASKED for what my viw was, I TOLD him in very charitable terms...what did I do wrong?


Also, I don't HAVE a metallic taste, I LIKE a metallic taste. You can't tell me you've never liked the taste of the copper and zinc alloy in pennies :)

Thanks for all your help!

It has been my experience that when people ask to hear your opinion what they really want is to hear their opinion but from your mouth. I have learned to give people as little information as possible to satisfy their request and give more info only once I know where they stand, unless of course I am in the mood for a good debate. :)

I asked about the metallic taste because heavy metal poisoning has recently been showing up in children newly diagnosed with Autism and there are treatments to rid the body of the metal. I was just curious if there was connection since you metioned having a diagnosis on the Autism Spectrum.
 
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It has been my experience that when people ask to hear your opinion what they really want is to hear their opinion but from your mouth. I have learned to give people as little information as possible to satisfy their request and give more info only once I know where they stand, unless of course I am in the mood for a good debate. :)

I asked about the metallic taste because heavy metal poisoning has recently been showing up in children newly diagnosed with Autism and there are treatments to rid the body of the metal. I was just curious if there was connection since you metioned having a diagnosis on the Autism Spectrum.

I hear you! That's why I have now learned to speak in vague generalities or find a way to throw in a red herring to switch the topic.

And, I have an acquired brain injury to me being 16 weeks (!) premature, so my brain was deprived of oxygen for 30 minutes. So I've got that to deal with (plus dysarthria and weak vocal nerve innervation, which makes my voice super-raspy, but apparently very sexy to the girls at my community college), plus it's becoming more apparent that I may not be on the ASD spectrum, but instead have schizoid personality disorder, which is on the Schizophrenia Spectrum.

As if that makes everything okay...people with autistic disorders have far more support and compassion than people who have schizophrenic ones; the former is treated like angels and "beautifully different", the latter is treated like potential criminals.

I need emotional space, so that could prove an obstacle in relating with my slave...but we'll find a way. I've always found a way around my problems before.
 
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your perents are still better my dad is fucken army man and thinks i'm gay...
he was disgusted with lifestyle itself

The irony in that is delicious. His profession emphasizes command and control to achieve unification for a common goal, yet he objects to the same principles as applied to two individuals in forming a relationship that will last without being blown around by every little issue? It's okay for the DoD but not individuals?

Did you inform him of this amazing fact?

He thinks you're gay (I'm assuming you're not)? Wow...my dad is a merchant mariner (way tougher than the Navy, b/c on an oil supertanker, there's only 8 people, and they have to know how to do everyone else's jobs, plus there's no support like a doctor or things like that), and he wasn't really concerned...until the psychotic pastor lied to him and gave him the same garbage the media does.

That pastor seems to be fixated on the sexual S&M component that I'm not really into. I'm more mental and want a chaste relationship until I'm married. AKA, I'm not going to be sadomachoistic in my sexual relations. Well maybe I will, but I don't have enough info on myself to know that for sure.

Funny thing is, that pastor said in a sermon once he was addicted to porn when he was in SEMINARY, and that he cheated on his Bible final exams! First off, why would you say these things in front of people you're supposed to be leading?!

Second, I think I know why he reacted so horribly...he must've been addicted to BDSM porn, and he was trying to suppress that by using a reaction formation defense mechanism. My email must have hit a nerve, and caused him to violently release his anger at himself onto me. I'm so glad I took that intro psych class.

Seriously, anyone here think I should start a thread about those emails, because I really want to know how you guys feel about such a man who lies to the people he's supposed to care for.
 
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Hmm...this is a weird one for me.

When I first started out in BDSM, I was telling everyone who would listen what I liked to do...back then, I wasn't aware of the fact that some people just don't want to know :D From these people, I just got a 'right...okay' and everything basically stayed the same as it had been before I opened my big trap :D

I learned, after that, to only discuss it if someone else brought it up first, but even then, it can potentially cause problems. Ten years ago, I had a penpal with whom I would talk dirty in conversation. We arranged for me to go down to stay with him for a fortnight, but the fucking cunt stood me up, and I was left stranded in London with no money as I'd been robbed :mad: I had to get in touch with both my parents and his, to try and work out what I should do, and his mother went through the letters I'd sent him, in an attempt to find my parents' phone number. She told my parents that the letters were full of filth, which had sickened her. But my parents never asked me about it, or about what it might mean, if I was into this, or whatever. Which I'm kind of grateful for, as they would never have understood :(

On a slightly unrelated note, though, when I was raped about 6 months later, my mother declared it a 'punishment for turning your back on God' which hurt and disgusted me. My parents are not extremely strict with religion, but do disapprove of anything that doesn't fit in, like witchcraft, extreme metal, that sort of thing.

Although I have talked openly about BDSM with like minded friends in recent times, since meeting my master, I have been reluctant to do so. I am so happy just to discuss ideas and thoughts with him (and of course you guys on here :)) that I feel I don't need it from elsewhere, if that makes any sense. I slept at my best mate's house one night during New Year, a mate with whom I have discussed certain aspects of my interests wihout actually going into detail about any of my relationships. He wanted a discussion about sex that night, and where I would have been fine discussing it before, I just clammed up, and was unable to share anything. He was hurt, because he felt maybe I couldn't trust him any more, but he also made it clear a short while back that he had feelings for me, which I will never be able to reciprocate, as we have always been too close to allow such feelings to creep in. I could never develop feelings for him, and when I gently refused his offer to cure the stress I was suffering in a sexual manner, he was really hurt, but I would not have been happy had I let him do as he wanted :(
 
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