Have you ever been criticized for your lifestyles?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Protoman2050, Jan 10, 2010.

  1. Protoman2050

    Protoman2050 Member

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    Has anyone ever been insulted for their lifestyle choice?

    I have High Functioning Autism/Asperger's/Schizoid Personality Disorder (my psychologist has never quite put her finger on it) due to
    a hypoxic brain injury at birth (I can pass for a normal 18 year old, however!).

    So I came to an early realization that my brain is wired differently for relationships. I do not see my future girlfriend/wife as a
    functional equal (she's definitely an ontological one though; she's not less of a person than I am!)...instead, I see her as a treasured and cherished pet, someone to be loved unconditionally and be protected at all costs, and to return that love with her devotion and service. Until death do we part ways.

    I thought saying this would show the leader of my former youth group at church (I've sinced changed churches to a far stricter one that yet still has love and compassion and understands things like this, not passive-aggressiveness disguised as love and compassion and fails to
    understand that some people are wired differently) that I'd be a great example of how to treat someone you love (we were discussing
    relationships and sex [i.e. an exercise in making everyone uncomfortable]).

    Was I wrong! He told me I was a sick perverted porn addict, and that I was condescending towards women (why then, would I want to be in a
    relationship with one?), and was grossly selfish and immature. I defended myself.

    I then got this gem of a response: "Let me make this clear... I am not a narrow-minded person when it comes to sex. In fact, I am rather
    broad-minded." We weren't discussing sex, we were discussing a non-sexual chaste relationship. Also, it seems that if you believe that
    this minor modification to an otherwise healthy vanilla relationship is "heretical", you obviously are very narrow-minded and believe that
    my God's kingdom is made out of balsa wood...heresy is defined as denying the deity of Christ or the Trinity in some form. Have I ever done that? No.

    Later: "I am not sure, even, why the last e-mail would cause you hurt?". OMG! Are you autistic?!? You've just said that the only way
    I'd be able to manage a relationship was heretical, and called me a sex addict and an immature person! If you can't see how that would
    hurt a person, you are in a far, far, far worse situation in life with interpersonal relationships than I am.

    He then threatened me with bringing me before the entire church. This actually made me nervous. For about 5 seconds, when I realized he didn't hve the force of character to stand before the church to announce this.

    I am so glad my Mom had a falling out with that church over an issue with a heretical book he picked out for a study she was leading. He
    called her "incompetent". So we left, and we're very happy at our new church, where the sermons are fascinating and philosophical (rather
    than this non-intellectual, touchy-feely, egotistical garbage we got formerly), and the pastor and elders don't act like this is the end of
    the world, as long as it's kept SSC, isn't abusive, and is monogamous. I'm fine with that.

    That guy had a SERIOUS ego problem.

    I'd like to know if any of you Masters/Mistresses or slaves have gotten railed upon for your lifestyle choices, so I know I'm not the
    only one. Also, can you guys NOT do what this one guy said "don't go to church", because that didn't help at all, nor answer my question.

    BTW, based on my statement in the 2nd paragraph, would I make a good, loving, kind Master?

    Also, what is an abusive slave? I can easily understand an abusive Master/Mistress, but I can't understand how to recognize an abusive

    I also prefer the term "pet", rather than slave, as slave has too many unwanted, especially undesired sexual, connotations for the uninitiated. IE refering to my GF as my "pet" wouldn't cause my friends and family to bat an eye, and would seem cute. Referring to her as my "slave", however, would probably cause a backlash like the one I described above.

    Thanks for all you support!
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2010

  2. Click here for more.
    Well, I , for one, realized at age 6 that church wasn't for me. Perhaps I haven't experienced a "proper" church, or whatever, but I always found people who claimed to be highly religious, compassionate, and accepting people tend to be the most egotistic, compassionless, excluding people around. Now, I don't know if you were asking your question to be answered about religion, so I digress. In short, yes and no. I have some of the best friends anyone could ever know, and most of them know about my tendencies. I say tendencies rather than lifestyle because, let's face it, I'm 19 and have not experienced my niche into this "lifestyle" yet. Most of them are super cool and either don't bat an eye or ask questions about it which I am pleased to answer. However, I've also "come out" to some people, and had them disappear from my life after telling me I was weird, looking for an abuser, or (my personal favorite) "begging to be raped". All in all, of course you're not alone.
  3. kittengrey

    kittengrey Member

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    Try being bashed at school for having a girlfriend. You would think that being bi would be a turen on for the guys, right? No, I got bashed to all hell. High school sucked ass major. True, bisexuality isn't a lifestyle per say, but still.
    Anyways, back to the lifestyle subject, I never went public with it. I mean, its very "behind closed doors", though my parents caught drift of it way back when and almost threw my Master in jail, it was a major/minor relationship, and they basically thought he was a predator and was gonna kidnap me or some ridiculous shit. Who ever said I didn't want to be kidnapped by him? >=D anyways,I'm with him now and not speaking to my rents. so all's well that ends well
  4. Protoman2050

    Protoman2050 Member

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    Well, at least I'm not alone! It was the fact the youth pastor went around asking for people's opinions...if you don't want to hear an unfavorable answer, don't ask the question.

    Being around the right people really helps. I find it hilarious that my new church, which is very conservative (with our doctrine, and we believe that rules like women should only wear skirts, and men shouldn't have long hair or peircings, and certain forms of music are bad per se, are preposterous and distracting) accepts me just fine. In contrast, the old church, which is quickly going down a path of rituals to "get closer to God", and just plain losing it's label of Protestant Christianity, acted like I was a sociopathic serial rapist and abuser.

    I went public to an elder in an email, back when I was introducing myself to my new church, and he had some concerns of course that I respected, but he basically said that since there's no outright prohibition, what you do with your future wife is between you, her, and God.

    When I get into a relationship with my future pet/wife, I have half a mind to take her on a leash to that former pastor's office, and say "You told me I was a sociopathic dangerous person. Guess what? We've been married and she's been wearing my collar for 18 months now, and we've never been happier! What now? Are you going to congratualate us, or are you going to yell at us and call us names?"

    Actually, the way he's managing that institution (he told my Mom to go buy a fridge for the office, so she went out and did all sorts of comparison shopping, and she bought it. When she brought it to the church, he said that he changed his mind and we don't need it any more), he's probably going to get kicked out sooner or later.

    That entire place can't manage itself at all. It's like the Enron of churches.
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2010
  5. Zandar

    Zandar Member

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    You sound like one interesting personality :D (and I mean that in a positive way).

    Anyway, about your topic:

    I have never been insulted by my lifestyle. Got to admit, I didnt tell many people, but the people I told either thought I was joking (or acted like that to deal with it) or added it to the list of aspects of my personality. I also think that the general open minded attitude of the Dutch people helps a lot.

    About the church thingie: Sounds like you found the right people if they accept you for who you are. Conservative and accepting for who you are; sounds like a really rare church :p .
  6. Protoman2050

    Protoman2050 Member

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    Thanks! There are people who can't stand me (luckily VERY rare), but most people either really like me, or never notice anything odd.

    Funny thing: I like putting copper pennies on my tongue, because the electric voltage makes my tongue feel funny in a good way. I like metallic tastes.

    Yeah, my church are great people; I thought the entire congregation would be a bunch of old people, but it turns out there were some really cool people around my age there; one of my friends likes the exact same music I do, and even bought me my favorite Glenn Beck book for my b-day. They're the last of a dying breed of sensible churches: most churches I've been to are either touchy-feely, or fascist.

    Is it okay, if I post a transcript of the main email that guy sent me condemming bdsm? I want to see how many misconceptions he posited, since I'm new to this.

    I know one issue I'll have: restraining my urge to be overprotective of my slave...she probably wouldn't enjoy being treated like a 15 year old, and I wouldn't enjoy turning into my best friend's mom, LOL.
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2010
  7. master jey

    master jey Moderator

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    well i had such a problem with my dad he's narrow minded bestard who doesn't understand
    are you gay son?
    you need to go to psichiater!
    well at least my brother understands,we're really friendly with him
    back to topic bout church
    well i have never found good enaugh church for me you are lucky P-man i just think of them as a nerrow minded zombie kind of fools...i hated them from early ages so became atheistic
    i kinda wanna be in your place
  8. Protoman2050

    Protoman2050 Member

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    I feel bad for you...that church obviously failed in it's mission of spreading the Gospel of Christ, and instead turned into the same Pharisees that Jesus fought during His ministry on earth. Adding extra rules to the Bible to earn God's favor is sinful, because it means your way is better than simply trusting in Him.

    My church is in La Mirada, amazingly just a few miles away from those heretics at Biola (also, despite them being fundamentalist [despite the liberties they take with the Bible] somehow the percentage of LGBTs there is double the the percentage in the general population, which indicates something about them, I just don't know what). I have resolved never to pay $40K/year attend such a campus of liars. Why don't you come on down to sunny Southern California!

    Weird thing: I only understood the phrase "submit to Jesus all your ways" after learning about BDSM. It meant for me to trust Him to look after me and care for me and in return devote myself fully to His service, not that he's a tyrannical despot or that I should be careless in running my affairs.

    My relationship with my slave will imitate that.
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2010
  9. kittengrey

    kittengrey Member

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    So Jey, your dad was not cool with it either, eh? Well, I guess my dad's just being protective, but Master told his parents a little about the lifestyle in general, not that we were involved or anything, cuz they had looked it up online and found nothing but p0rn, so they kinda have the wrong idea, but Master's explaining it to them little by little to clear up the confusion.
  10. master jey

    master jey Moderator

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    your perents are still better my dad is fucken army man and thinks i'm gay...
    he was disgusted with lifestyle itself
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2010
  11. kittengrey

    kittengrey Member

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    I'm still not talking to my parents. I swear, they don't realize I'm with Master cuz I want to be in this type of relationship. idiots. Hell, they don't even know anything about the lifestyle. -ranting a little now- Nor do they know I'm with Master again. I'm about to get married and they don't even know I'm seeing anyone xD
  12. Protoman2050

    Protoman2050 Member

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    Oh that's sad...(btw, the ads on this site don't help anyone's case)

    My parents know I'm smart enough that I'll eventually find a girl who loves me just as I am. And I now NEVER use "BDSM" when talking about it; I say "I'll treat my girlfriend/wife like a treasured pet and cherish her like the romanticized feudal tales of medieval chivalry."

    Maybe it's easier for "Masters/Mistresses to come out than slaves?
  13. master jey

    master jey Moderator

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    it's easyer but my dad still thinks i'm gay
    what would happen if i was i sub and someone would rape me XD
    he would shot me :D
  14. subspace

    subspace Member

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    Welcome to the forum!!
    I never bring up the issue of D/s with anyone outside of the scene. I do this because unless you are personally involved in some form of BDSM whether on a personal basis or just as a curious researcher, you simply don’t have enough information available to do anything but resort to the stereotypes of what most people think defines BDSM - abuse, oppression, brainwashing, disrespect and depraved sex. Let’s face facts, all of us started out on the journey into BDSM not knowing what it was really about. We here at the forum have combined a ton of experience and yet look at all the questions we have everyday! :) So, unless someone needs to know about my lifestyle choice I simply don’t discuss it, I simply don’t feel the need to share it. This fact was reinforced a few weeks ago at a bbq with friends: I have never been one to enjoy porn but I have recently gotten brave and have found some great BDSM sites with porn I actually like. After much alcohol consumption and the deterioration of the conversation, Top made an off handed comment to the others at the party that I only like porn that involves someone crying by the end! Needless to say I got some ‘what the hell’ looks along with some excited looks too. I figure if anyone wants more info they can ask but until then I let the subject rest.

    On another note - so happy you have found a Church that is a great fit for you. I was thinking as I read this thread that it has never occurred to me to discuss my lifestyle with Church members, you must have a pretty tight-knit community.

    As far as parents go...I would never say anything to them about BDSM. I love them dearly, they are wonderful but I really don’t see the need to 'go there' with them - God knows it was traumatizing enough to hear them having sex as a child and (yikes) the last time I visited them! Ha-ha - good for them right? Maybe because I am older (thirty-something) and independent and don’t live the lifestyle 24/7 makes it easier to keep it private. I honestly don’t feel I am missing out on anything by not sharing this aspect of myself with anyone other than other BDSMers.

    Metallic taste hum....have you ever been tested for heavy metal levels?
  15. Protoman2050

    Protoman2050 Member

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    Thanks for the help! I'm at this stage in my life as BDSM-researcher, b/c I need to concentrate on passing my SATs so I can study biochemistry at Leeds University in the UK. Once I get my degree and return back to CA to be employed as a research associate at a biotech firm and begin work on my doctorate will my life be stable enough for me to begin my search for the girl I'll spend the rest of my life with. Yes, that's a run-on sentence. Sue me.

    As you probably read in my original post, I've got some mild but slighty noticable frontal lobe damage, so I talk way too much and sometimes reveal info better kept secret, which I then kick myself for. Like what happened to me at my old church. He ASKED for what my viw was, I TOLD him in very charitable terms...what did I do wrong?

    I also think out loud while trying to solve complicated problems, get distracted by sensory things, and am generally "the lovable genius wackjob", like Wayne Szalinski. My future slave is going to have fun with me! Or run away after I've driven her insane unintentionally. I'd need her as not only my life-long companion, but also as an executive assistant.

    I had my own experience of walking in on my parents...their nonchalantness disturbed me even more.

    I've never been tested for heavy metal poisoning, because those tests are expensive, and I'd probably have generalized physical symptoms like a rash or weakness (I've got ataxic CP on my right side due to my brain injury that used to be severe but now only a movement disorders specialist can spot it).

    Also, I don't HAVE a metallic taste, I LIKE a metallic taste. You can't tell me you've never liked the taste of the copper and zinc alloy in pennies :)

    Thanks for all your help!

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