sometimes i just feel like giving up and going back to doing my best at pretending to be totally vanilla. i actually recently had a friend who told me point-blank that she is "going back to being vanilla" even though she knows she will be miserable, because she feels she will be less miserable not being who she is. i know that i cannot do this because this is just part of who i am. i know i will not do this because willful ignorance eventually only leads to pain. however, lately i just feel like throwing in the towel, taking my ball and going home... even if that means i never really get what i want. anyone else ever had this experience in the context of the bdsm community? what do you do to cope? what do you do to not give up?