giving up

monocrome · Jul 31, 2009

Stargazer said:
I think I have no choice but to go back to a vanilla life. For me, this is a crushing prospect...

*many warm hugs* i totally understand, but try to understand that it is likely just not her thing. it's not something that's for everyone.

i understand the whole "trying to just exist in fantasy and self flaggelation and etc" thing as well. it almost just makes the pain more acute but you're stuck between a rock and a hard place.

btw, everyone - sorry if this thread is a bit depressing, but i wanted to open it b/c of what i was feeling and b/c i've seen so many people feel it over the years.

Nyx · Jul 31, 2009

no, he was who he was.

sorry, but i feel like i have to stick up for non-bdsm people. in this community we have to make sure that we are as open and accepting of other people as we expect them to be of us. he just was who he was. he just wasn't compatible with bluelagoon.

I agree. Thanks for pointing this out.

btw, everyone - sorry if this thread is a bit depressing, but i wanted to open it b/c of what i was feeling and b/c i've seen so many people feel it over the years.

You should feel free to discuss anything here. It's good for you to get this stuff out. I am truly sorry that you are going through this. :-(

bluelagoon1988 · Jul 31, 2009

Thanks guys, I am glad you pointed out that my ex was just not into the same things sexually. Thats ok with me. I for the life of me cannot understand what the draw is to being somebody's 'toilet' but that is their life and their choice. I wont judge because I dont want to be judged. Everybody is different, which is wonderful, but it sucks trying to find somebody that will fit you.

master jey · Jul 31, 2009

monocrome

It was a joke

bluelagoon1988 · Jul 31, 2009

I chuckled from the irony of it....i remember silently cursing him with a string of obscene words, they all revolved around that phrase masterjey. terrible of me i know, but i had felt tricked because he originally led me to believe he was interested in this lifestyle...then did the flip switch. very frustrating.

Master_J · Aug 4, 2009

i feel like im going through a similar thing myself..... when my love isnt around, i feel almost lost without her, and i feel like i lose all desire for anything BDSM without her. I actually find myself second-guessing if this is really what i want or not. i guess only time will tell

monocrome · Aug 4, 2009

Master_J said:
i feel like im going through a similar thing myself..... when my love isnt around, i feel almost lost without her, and i feel like i lose all desire for anything BDSM without her. I actually find myself second-guessing if this is really what i want or not. i guess only time will tell

i know this is unpleasant to think about now, but just a bit of experiential advice: if this is your first experience with bdsm and things DON'T work out between you, don't throw the baby out with the bath water. my first bdsm relationshp was when i was 18-19 and was very deep. when we broke it off, i basically disgarded EVERYTHING about that relationship that reminded me of him, including the entirety of bdsm. ten years later and i'm figuring out i wasted a lot of time and made a lot of decisions that is making my current re-discovery of self very difficult.

sort of on what you said about losing desire for things, i have lost the particular partner i was talking about, who was a control influence in my life. (we remain friends, but not in the same relationship). it is extremely difficult for me to do any of the things we were working on together. i'm not really certain what to do about this.

giving up

monocrome

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