Getting my boyfriend to be rougher

lookingtolearn · May 11, 2010

Hi, this is Charlotte. I saw Zack using this website a while ago. I asked him if I could use it, next time he went on. First off, I want to thank you all for helping him get into bondage. I've been sexually aroused by bdsm, for a really long time.

Zack is a big guy, he's 6 foot, works out a lot and is naturally big. He makes me feel incredibly safe, and I love that. You would expect someone that big to be rough, and he is, but only with other guys. When it comes to me and other females, he treats us like he treats children (like we're made of porcelain). He is incredibly sweet with children, and with me doubly so, he treats me like he does his youngest cousins and nieces and nephews and he spoils them. He'll spank me now, but afterwards, he won't keep it up. He loves to box, he loves to get into fights, he loves all that aggressive stuff, how can I get him to do that with me. I want him to spank me, until my butt is raw, I want him to be rough when he takes me. I mean he's fantastic in bed (I like saying that, it's true, and it boosts his ego big time), but I want him to take me so rough, that I scream myself hoarse. I've tried to talk to him, and he's gotten rougher, but I want him to own me, I want to be his property, for him to use me as he pleases, as rough as he pleases.

Sorry if that was really forward, but I wanted to get all that off my chest, and sorry if I rambled sometimes, I don't get to the point as quickly as he does. Again thanks for all the help you've given us so far, we really appreciate it.

sebastian · May 11, 2010

Welcome to the forum. Clearly, he's afraid of hurting you. One thing to help him get comfortable is to settle on a couple of safewords. A safe word is a code word that would never come up in the course of your scene that tells the dom to slow down or stop. I like 'yellow' for 'I'm approaching my limit/please slow down', 'red' for 'I need you to stop immediately', and 'orange' for 'there's something physically wrong'. Normally safe words are used to help the sub feel comfortable that the dom will stop the action if need be. But as a dom, I really like them because they give me confidence that the sub is happy with what I'm doing. If s/he wasn't, s/he'd be using a safe word already. Giving Zack a safe word will help him learn that he's not really hurting you and he can go a little bit further. It won't solve the whole problem, but it will help some.

Another suggestion is to play up your responses to what he's doing. Most guys enjoy feeling like their partner is getting into what they're doing. It makes them feel competent and confident as lovers. So if he's spanking you and you start moaning with pleasure, he'll probably figure out that he's doing something right and try more to get a better reaction. Don't fake it like in When Harry Met Sally, because he needs to be able to trust you (trust is critical in d/s play, and once it's gone, it's hard to recover), but embellish a little bit to help him see the signposts.

sluttysub · May 11, 2010

Sebastian has great advice! My husband had/has this same problem, but after using Seb's suggestion, my hubby has definitely stepped it up. Things are starting to progress quicker than I thought they would.

Also, have you talked to him about how erotic pain is different than normal pain? It helps for them to understand that erotic pain brings greater pleasure.

Good luck, and welcome! I hope you stick around!

Getting my boyfriend to be rougher

lookingtolearn

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sebastian

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sluttysub

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