Ever had the one dominating you go way too far? Did you flip?

[GreyMac]

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Yeah ...I still wont be dominated. I tried once...but had to stop because I started to relive the feelings...

MB, this is not a lecture but since you don't seem to have much experience with this stuff (and least not with your consent) and presumably you're here in the first place because you're looking for an answer or two - I'm going to offer some advice which you are free to ignore completely if you like.

For reasons you've already discovered the hard way, this lifestyle is not something you jump into the way you would a vanilla bar hook-up. You need a longer term partner whom you TRUST. (There's that word again.)

Don't let one stupid, uncaring, idiot of a woman ruin it for you for life. Wait for that someone special and build your way up to it slowly. Let her tie your hands in front of you with a bow knot that you can easily untie with your teeth, should you feel the need to. Make the first few scenes easy to get out of. Take it in measured steps. Good luck.

 

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[InnocentFacade]

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the sub is actually the one with final control, because the sub always has the power to stop the scene for any reason at any moment.

muahahahahaha!

*evil grin*
=P

 

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[sebastian]

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Yes, IF, you vicious subs are truly evil geniuses. Mine tricks me into tying him up and then forces me to smack his ass and balls. It's deeply traumatic for me

 

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[GreyMac]

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I hope so too, though it isnt that I dont trust others, I dont trust myself. What I saw on that video was horrifying. That dark rage in me had to have came from somewhere.

That dark rage came from the most primitive part of your brain and is called 'fight or flight response'. It was an unreasoning response to an unreasonable situation. You were being tortured and your brain kicked into basic survival mode and did what it had to to escape. The huge adrenaline dump into your bloodstream gave you the strength to jerk the handcuffs out of the wall and also caused the tempory amnesia afterwards. When a person is in 'Fight or flight' mode only necessary systems are functioning so that the brain can focus on what's really important - ESCAPE! Hot oil poured on naked flesh could do that to anyone. You're not some freak waiting to explode on some poor unsuspecting girl at some unspecified time in the future. You're a normal person who was in an abnormal situation.

You were bound and being tortured!

You did what was necessary to get away. During that you indulged in a natural human desire to get a little revenge on the way out, hence the punch in the face for the one who really deserved it vs 'just' the hair pulling for the 'new' one.

Make sense?

There is nothing 'wrong' with you. That primative part of the brain has been around since before there were people. If you start to hurt a dog or cat or a moose or bear or a mouse they will try to bite or claw or hurt you in some way to make you stop. That's exactly what you did, no more no less.

 

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[MetalBars]

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That is good to know GreyMac. It makes me feel less worried. Maybe for a while I will just stick with regular sex.

 

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[sebastian]

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I have to agree with Grey. What happened is not an expression of who you are deep down. However, the fact that you felt a stirring of that feeling in another d/s situation does suggest that your "lizard brain" (that primative 'fight or flight' part of your brain) is being vigilant for a repeat. So some gentle bondage play will probably help your lizard brain learn that simply being tied up or whatever is not a threat. It will probably take a little time to get past what happened. You might even consider discussing the event with a therapist for a few session (but if you do, look for a therapist who is willing to be non-judgmental about bondage and similar things--many therapists still see d/s play as a type of illness that needs to be treated. I know that somewhere on the internet there is a website listing kink-friendly therapists).

 

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