magicianwandered
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Hi, I'm obviously new here but I have a question. There is an inherent paradox to bondage. Bondage is a kind of control, which renders a person helpless, and unable to object or stop the other person from doing anything. It can make a 110 pound girl more physically powerful than a 250 pound body builder.
When you want to be tied up (I'm sure these arguments work in reverse if you want to do the tying) you want the other person to gain control over you, to get veto power over your ability to do or stop anything. The problem is, if you want to be tied up, (especially if the other person isn't as into it as you) that you're almost just tying yourself up. The bondage is there just for show. It doesn't stop you from doing anything, since you were going to let the other person do whatever they wanted anyway, and you even probably want them to do it to you.
So for a specific example, I want my wife to tie me up, and she does sometimes, but mostly just because I ask her to do it. I know I'm lucky she'll do it at all, but it feels like my bondage, but I want it to be her bondage, something she did to control me.
So there's the paradox. You can't be controlled by someone who you are asking to control you.
Here's another way to say it. If she ties me up, I'd let her do whatever she wanted, even if I was untied. If she were to do something bad enough that the bondage is effectual, in that I would stop her if I could but can't because I am tied up, it might be so bad that it ruins the experience.
Here's yet another way to say it. I want my wife to tie me up and violate my will, but how can she do that if it is my will that she do it?
So what kind of experience have you guys had with this idea? Am I just being naive about what S&M is?
Tell me if you've had any good experience where the tied person may have regretted being tied, or wouldn't have gone through with the scene if it weren't for that fact that they were tied. After all, if they like it, wouldn't they just go through with it?
Sorry if I made a TLDR first post, but I imagine you guys, being on and S&M forum, probably gave this kind of thing a lot of thought.
When you want to be tied up (I'm sure these arguments work in reverse if you want to do the tying) you want the other person to gain control over you, to get veto power over your ability to do or stop anything. The problem is, if you want to be tied up, (especially if the other person isn't as into it as you) that you're almost just tying yourself up. The bondage is there just for show. It doesn't stop you from doing anything, since you were going to let the other person do whatever they wanted anyway, and you even probably want them to do it to you.
So for a specific example, I want my wife to tie me up, and she does sometimes, but mostly just because I ask her to do it. I know I'm lucky she'll do it at all, but it feels like my bondage, but I want it to be her bondage, something she did to control me.
So there's the paradox. You can't be controlled by someone who you are asking to control you.
Here's another way to say it. If she ties me up, I'd let her do whatever she wanted, even if I was untied. If she were to do something bad enough that the bondage is effectual, in that I would stop her if I could but can't because I am tied up, it might be so bad that it ruins the experience.
Here's yet another way to say it. I want my wife to tie me up and violate my will, but how can she do that if it is my will that she do it?
So what kind of experience have you guys had with this idea? Am I just being naive about what S&M is?
Tell me if you've had any good experience where the tied person may have regretted being tied, or wouldn't have gone through with the scene if it weren't for that fact that they were tied. After all, if they like it, wouldn't they just go through with it?
Sorry if I made a TLDR first post, but I imagine you guys, being on and S&M forum, probably gave this kind of thing a lot of thought.
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