Ever had the one dominating you go way too far? Did you flip?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by MetalBars, Feb 7, 2010.

  1. MetalBars

    MetalBars New Member

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    I was seeing this girl for a while, she loved to domanate me and I loved being dominated by her. She was kind of rough, but I liked it.

    After a while she started to get harder. Was fun at first, but eveyone has their limits. When she started to get to those limits I did talk to her about it, which she smirked and sarcastically said ok.
    She never did back off. She only got harder. One night she even stepped on my nuts so hard that I thought they were sure to burst and not in the good way.

    One night she brought in her female friend over, who also was into dominating. I thought this was the way to make up for her being overly rough. Nope, her friend tied me up, dragged me to the toilet, was clean thankfully, and dunked my head in it over and over. The both went way overboard with me. Cut me deep, hit my head against the wall. They handcuffed my hands to the wall with my back to it. And they poured hot cooking oil on my chest. I yelled at them to stop but they laughed.

    The other girl said "Lets record him and send it to his friends." That is the last thing I remember. I had blacked out and when I came to, the I had ripped the handcufss off the wall, a chunck of the other girl's hair in my hand, the girl I was with missing a tooth.

    They had placed a camera and recorded me before I flipped. On it it shows my eyes rolling back and then I start yelling like crazy. Them laughing till I start to look like I am foaming at the mouth. My face turned very red and I was in this fit of rage. The girls sarted to get scared then I ripped the cuffs from the wall. I run to the one girl and grab her hair and yank it. The girl I was seeing I punched hard on the mouth.

    They didnt press charges, feeling they drove me to that. After that I stopped being dominated.
  2. GreyMac

    GreyMac Member

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    That wasn't domination, it was systematic, sadistic torture with a non-consensual victim. The law calls what happened to you; kidnapping (keeping you against your will), Felony Assault and battery, sexual assualt, simple assault, and seperate counts of conspiricy to commit each the above (since there were two of them and they cooperated).

    I'm sure a good prosecuter could break that out into another half dozen crimes all of which would carry prison sentences of 10 to 20 years or more. Lucky for them they didn't file charges.
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2010
  3. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    The foundation of d/s play is consent. The Dom may only go as far as the sub is willing to allow. The moment she ignored your stated concerns, she passed over into abuse. Were you using safe words, so that she would have a clear signal that you were no longer consenting? It's possible that she might have misunderstood your in-play protests for part of the play. But from what you've described she ignored your out-of-scene protests as well. Furthermore, pouring hot cooking oil on you is simply psychotic. She could easily have caused serious injury. It sounds to me that she and her friend are either callous or inexperienced and foolish. Either way, I would not play with them again.

    As for her not pressing assault charges, you actually have a far better case for that than she does. While I'm not a lawyer, what she did was almost certainly assault and probably false imprisonment as well. Much of d/s play is illegal for the Dom. A sub cannot legally consent to being assaulted, as
    odd as that may seem, and certainly once you had demanded they stop it was criminal for them to not do so. I think the injuries you inflicted might qualify as self-defense. If you want to teach her a lesson, talk to the police or a lawyer about charges.

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    Fuck :( Hun that's not play that's her being a bitch from the fiery depths of hell :( I'm so glad you're (seemingly) okay!
  5. MetalBars

    MetalBars New Member

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    Yeah, I should of pressed charges, but was worried that I was the guilty one for pulling the one girls hair and knocking a tooth out with the other girl.

    I still wont be dominated. I tried once with a girl, she was playful in it. Let her tie me up and hit me a little, like soft slaps that only stung, but had to stop because I started to relive the feelings of then and felt this really dark feeling start to boil up. Small but there.

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    I hope if you still have any desire for the type of play that you'll find someone you can build up that trust with and hopefully find yourself enjoying it again :)

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    Those girls are both evil shits who will get what's coming to them eventually. What if they do the same to someone else too? :eek:

    Consent is extremely important. So is communication. Because I am usually gagged during games, I have a safetoy, which I drop if things get too much. If we are just doing playfighting and bondage, my master does not usually give me my toy (he is a great judge of when he feels I will be fine without it) but will make a point of asking, on occasion, if I am okay. If I shake my head, everything stops immediately.

    One guy I was with a few years back ignored my then safeword several times in a row, and only when I began to go deranged with panic did he let me go. And that was the end of that relationship. But luckily, with time, I found I was able to put that kind of trust i someone again, and if, prior to the incident you described, you really loved being dominated, then I really hope that one day you will find someone you can trust, who is worthy of your trust.

    Good luck, and let us know how you get on :)
  8. MetalBars

    MetalBars New Member

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    I hope so too, though it isnt that I dont trust others, I dont trust myself. What I saw on that video was horrifying. That dark rage in me had to have came from somewhere.

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    To answer your question though, I was in a situation, very recently, where my nonconsent was also ignored, and the man I was with tried to forcibly penetrate me. I FREAKED out and kicked as hard as I could and ran to the bathroom, from the bathroom to my car.
  10. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Metal, there are lots of women (and men too) who will be only too happy to tie you up and abuse you just the way you want and no further. My advice is to spend some time learning about the basics of d/s play, the theory behind it, and how to do it safely. Read through some of the posts on this forum, do a Google search for something like "bdsm basics", or track down some books on it through Amazon.

    Make sure that whoever you find to play with either has experience as a dom or is inexperienced but understands the basics. At a bare minimum, don't play with anyone until you have had a very frank discussion about what the dom likes to do, what you like having done, and what limits the dom is willing to abide by. You should discuss safe words, which are code words that tell the dom that you want the current activity to stop. I like 'yellow': I'm close to my limit for this activity. 'Red': I've reached my limit for this activity; it needs to stop. 'Orange': there's something physical wrong (I'm having trouble breathing, a body part has gone numb, this pain is not good pain). Safe words are critical because part of the d/s fantasy is that it's non-consensual; safe words allow you to beg the dom to stop without the dom stopping unless you use a safe word (or a safe toy, as OLP does). If your dom is inexperienced, make sure that s/he understands safety basics (like what parts of the body to NEVER hit) and doesn't try to to do too much the first time. A lot of d/s play has serious health risks; just read through the forum and you'll run into a lot of discussion about what's too risky to do and what sort of safe alternatives are out there.

    It's not surprising that you have very bad memories of your sessions with your former girlfriend. You were sexually abused and that leaves some scars. Look for a dom who will respect that and will go slowly enough for you to get past those bad memories. In particular, you need your dom to absolutely respect your limits and your safe words, so that you know that you're safe at all times. Most d/sers will tell you that despite what it looks like in the scene, the sub is actually the one with final control, because the sub always has the power to stop the scene for any reason at any moment.
  11. GreyMac

    GreyMac Member

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    MB, this is not a lecture but since you don't seem to have much experience with this stuff (and least not with your consent) and presumably you're here in the first place because you're looking for an answer or two - I'm going to offer some advice which you are free to ignore completely if you like.

    For reasons you've already discovered the hard way, this lifestyle is not something you jump into the way you would a vanilla bar hook-up. You need a longer term partner whom you TRUST. (There's that word again.)

    Don't let one stupid, uncaring, idiot of a woman ruin it for you for life. Wait for that someone special and build your way up to it slowly. Let her tie your hands in front of you with a bow knot that you can easily untie with your teeth, should you feel the need to. Make the first few scenes easy to get out of. Take it in measured steps. Good luck.

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    *evil grin*
  13. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Yes, IF, you vicious subs are truly evil geniuses. Mine tricks me into tying him up and then forces me to smack his ass and balls. It's deeply traumatic for me :)
  14. GreyMac

    GreyMac Member

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    That dark rage came from the most primitive part of your brain and is called 'fight or flight response'. It was an unreasoning response to an unreasonable situation. You were being tortured and your brain kicked into basic survival mode and did what it had to to escape. The huge adrenaline dump into your bloodstream gave you the strength to jerk the handcuffs out of the wall and also caused the tempory amnesia afterwards. When a person is in 'Fight or flight' mode only necessary systems are functioning so that the brain can focus on what's really important - ESCAPE! Hot oil poured on naked flesh could do that to anyone. You're not some freak waiting to explode on some poor unsuspecting girl at some unspecified time in the future. You're a normal person who was in an abnormal situation.

    You were bound and being tortured!

    You did what was necessary to get away. During that you indulged in a natural human desire to get a little revenge on the way out, hence the punch in the face for the one who really deserved it vs 'just' the hair pulling for the 'new' one.

    Make sense?

    There is nothing 'wrong' with you. That primative part of the brain has been around since before there were people. If you start to hurt a dog or cat or a moose or bear or a mouse they will try to bite or claw or hurt you in some way to make you stop. That's exactly what you did, no more no less.
  15. MetalBars

    MetalBars New Member

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    That is good to know GreyMac. It makes me feel less worried. Maybe for a while I will just stick with regular sex.

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