Day to day

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Gilgland, Nov 16, 2010.

  1. Gilgland

    Gilgland New Member

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    I know this may have been covered in an earlier post however, after a good amount of searching I cant find anything that really answers the two interconnected questions I have.

    1. What are some things, as a dom, that you can do during the day, when your with your sub, to subtly remind them of the roles that you both allow each other to play out. In other words dose any one have suggestions little tasks or assignments to give, selecting an article of clothing to wear, or things as simple as asking with a wink and a smirk for them to get a drink for me to. I also would like some input on the mindset behind giving these tasks. I would be doing it with the intent of reinforcing the relationship and, again, as a light little reminder to us both that we play at giving and taking power.

    2. I want to develop into the type of Top/Dom that is loving and caring in most aspects of a relationship but then can be assertive when we play. I am a hopeless romantic at heart that wants nothing more than to see my partner happy, fulfilled and content but how do I marry that with the other side of me that likes to take control in other aspects? I guess I am asking how do you convey, simultaneously, that you love and care for that person and they have just as much say in what happens in the relationship, both in and out of the D/s portion of things, but still be taken seriously when you do step into the dominating roll? I realize communication and just simply sitting down and talking with the person is a big key here but I am talking more the internal union of the two halves within myself and then the outward manifestation of that.
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  2. Ruelee

    Ruelee Member

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    On your second point, I believe in the Newcomers FAQ stickied in this part of the forum there's a link for BSDM for nice guys - you come accross the same sort of way as I did when first approaching being more dominant, and that link helped a great deal. I'd strongly suggest looking at it.
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  3. Gilgland

    Gilgland New Member

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    Yea I read that about a month ago and it actually was very helpful.
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  4. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

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    Hi G -

    The answer to your first question will be answered once you find the answer to question 2.
    Let me re-phrase....
    How do I merge the Dominant in me with the man that adores and cherishes this woman?
    How do I manhandle her, spank her, treat her like a wench and still love her?

    Go back and read Sebastian's layers of BDSM section of the beginners FAQ. He's said it about as well as I've ever seen it said. What it brings out is that the more you understand her as a sub, the more you see that doing those things makes her happy and it, in fact, an expression of your love.

    Doing those things and learning what you are learning will make her trust you with her body and everything else. As you learn about yourself and your own persona, and about her needs as a sub, question 1 will resolve itself.

    As far as what to do now....

    First - make sure you both have an understanding about what you can ask(command) her to do.

    Before I giving you my suggestions, I'd prefer some of the subs here give you theirs.

    Hope this helps.
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  5. Gilgland

    Gilgland New Member

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    It dose, thank you. Still kind of having some self doubt from the last relationship and I'm trying to get my head on straight for the next one so that person, whoever she may be, and my self don't miss out on exploring that part of each other because of hesitation and lack of communication.

    On a lighter note, i am planning a trip back to the club I told you about in my last post with the same friends and I have more self confidence going into things this time. I had a good debrief with them about last time, which gave me a lot of direction as far as things to focus on more and things not to worry about, as well as new ideas about a few new things to try. Hopefully it will be as eye opening and amazing as last time.

    Thanks again for the help L8. You and Seb have really been a huge force of encouragement and reassurance for me in trying to figure this side of me out and what to do with it.

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