A difficult sub

sebastian · Dec 30, 2011

Jett, I must have confused you with someone else who posted recently. Sorry.

If you think he's serious, talk to him about why he's neglecting your instructions. Point out his pattern of lapses and ask him what he thinks is causing them. Maybe your instructions aren't clear. Maybe he's not sure he want to be a slave. Maybe he's wanting an open relationship. Maybe he need some protocols that help him stay focused. Ask him if he has ideas about how to fix things.

Do you two have any equal time? By that, I mean a set time when you two talk as equals about what is and isn't working in your power exchange. Maybe set aside a half hour each week or each month in which you are both free to step outside your assigned roles and talk. Every new bdsm couple should do that, at least until they find their groove.

JettOnly · Dec 30, 2011

He is really a switch and I am most likely a confused sub lol
So up until this little chastity stint we mainly had free time, only really in role when playing

But obviously he was more in role in his 10 days in chastity
- it is deff something we will have to work out more tho as to proper boundries between play and normal - but at the start of any time either one of us can say we dont wanna play
and most of the times we have been chatting it hasnt been in roll, I will work on putting something more rigid inplace

I should be seeing him in Jan and I was planning ending his chastity time then and chatting about where we wanted to go from there
because we need a long chat before I try being a sub again anyways!

JettOnly · Jan 3, 2012

Oh well turns out I was right to have big red flags. He was cheeting on me, and no doubt lying about even being in chastity

I thought it was too much to believe someone to go from 3 times a day to 10 days in a metal cage with no problems what so ever!

sebastian · Jan 4, 2012

Sorry to hear it, Jett. BDSM requires a lot of trust, and it really sucks when one person violates that trust. What are you going to do?

JettOnly · Jan 4, 2012

Thank you guys
Seb, not much I can do
Obviously I had my doubts and last week I asked him if he was seeing anyone else and he said no
I found out because the girl posted snuggly photos of them at New years when he told me he was going away with a group of friends
I phoned him and he denied it
I pressed harder and he just hung up the phone and deleted me from facebook

I remembered the name of the girl and mailed her, thought it only fair

Also on his fetlife I messaged a girl I had my doubts about too, as it is a fettish site I also warned her about playing with him (he is the inital dom I joined here about, who pushed me way to hard with no notice I was to deep in a bad subspace to be able to safeword, scene after scene with no aftercare and no discussions about what worked and what didn't and zero aftercare, then unable to phone me when I was in horrible subdrop, turns out it was cos he was too busy arranging to meet the other lady)
This girl I messaged has no intention of playing with him, says he creeps her out
And odd coincidence, when I was there at one point in the day he was online chatting to someone, it turned out to be this girl, he said he had a sub there and she told him he should be paying attention to me

Anyway she is concerned enough the she is going to speak to his area group leaders in the bdsm scene in his area

I checked inside myself if this was just revenge for a woman scorned, I really think that's not the case, I feel concerened that he is doing this to other new people
I don't think he is a sub or a dom, just someone with issues looking for some easy uncaring sex

sebastian · Jan 4, 2012

Jett, you're a dominant woman (or at least a switch), and you're young. That puts you in a fairly desirable category, since there seem to be more submissive guys than dominant women. You shouldn't have trouble finding a true sub for your needs. Take comfort in the fact that this loser has to lie to people to get what you're probably going to find fairly easily.

Online play is fairly hard to do, for exactly the reasons your situation highlights. My advice would be to focus your efforts on meeting someone in person.

Exploring2dark · Jan 4, 2012

sebastian said:
My advice would be to focus your efforts on meeting someone in person.

I second that.. Life is too short and full of too much to experience to waste valuable time and energy on that individual more then you already have!

Sally · Jan 4, 2012

I just moved 7 hours away, to be with my Dom. we met online. if there are two that fit together, it will work at a distance, but you have to watch out for pitfalls. I suggest to meet 1 a month, and switch to travel. it is difficult to lie when you are in the same room, and you get a stronger bond between you.

Lillith · Oct 25, 2012

Bumping this thread cause I think it is needed.

Nairbrother · Oct 29, 2012

Humping her leg because I think it is needed

A difficult sub

sebastian

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