Daddy's Little Girl- Questions

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by foreverbunny, Nov 20, 2011.

  1. foreverbunny

    foreverbunny New Member

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    So, first of all, I must clear up my reason for being hesitant to seek support from the BDSM community. I've heard that some BDSM folks think of the Daddy/LG relationship as "gross." Unless they are grotesquely mislead, I cannot imagine how it would be anymore disturbing than the master/slave relationship or sadomasochism. It's not incest or pedophilia and in some cases (like mine) Daddy isn't much older! (My boyfriend and I are only a year apart.) Of course, there's a difference in opinion as to what a DLG relationship actually is- IMO, the below article outlines it perfectly.

    So my first question is what do you guys think about this?? I suppose this is unimportant, but since I cannot see your faces through my computer screen, I'd like to know if the subject meets raised eyebrows or accepting smiles... Also, while my personal values tell me I shouldn't be ashamed of my sexual self, there's always that nagging question in the back of my mind, "Am I sick?"

    I don't like having an entire relationship revolve around the DLG relationship, because I am FAR from submissive outside of the bedroom, and my boyfriend isn't as into it as I am. He LOVES the perks, but the roleplaying part is slightly awkward... Which leads to my second question:

    Anyone got any bright ideas on how to make my boyfriend enjoy this more? I think I'm doing everything I can, but maybe someone knows something else... Our first time REALLY getting into it was last weekend in a hotel room with some alcohol. He needed the alcohol for his nerves (roleplay of any kind makes him nervous) and my sex anxiety (long story). I want to be able to do this without any use of alcohol, as I do not believe that's healthy. But our night was, to say the least, amazing. I rarely do oral due to the fact that I have really bad associations with it (another long story), but I felt so safe with him as my Daddy, that we were doing oral 1/2 of the time, and I even let him grab onto and control my head (which I would have NEVER been comfortable with before). I actually enjoyed it! This was a plus for him, as he REALLY enjoys oral sex (givng/recieving) and he got to do both through out the session without asking and since he called his penis candy, I actually asked for it. I loved the way he took pleasure in using his little girl and tenderly put his hand over my mouth when I moaned too loud and said "Shhh... You don't want to wake up Mommy." (Okay, so it's rather creepy that I found that a turn-on, I realize, but it added to the mood of doing something we were not supposed to be.) Thinking about it makes me feel warm and tingly inside, and I could go on forever about this.

    The only sad part is that he said he probably could not work up enough courage to do it without alcohol:( He also isn't used to me being OK with this kind of thing, so it's a bit awkward for him, and I think he MIGHT prefer being submissive over being dominant. This isn't a huge problem, because I'm also willing to fulfill his needs, but it's got to be giv/take. He is also very sensitive to criticism in this area. I asked him if getting a mentor would be a good idea, and he did not like that idea one bit. A mentor is out of the question, but he said he'd accept advice over email from another person. IDK... Any ideas guys??? Thanks in advance!!

  2. MIRROR: Download from MEGA

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    Being that most of here (as I have seen from experience) are very open minded, and not closed to what others enjoy.. We may not necessarily enjoy the same sexual disciplines others may. But this is what makes the world go round.... Variety!

    That being said, it's not really my thing, but if you enjoy it, and find it arousing and legal, then by own means.. Knock yourself out!

    And as for the last topic I can probably comment on, clinically, as long as it does not break any legal parameters, nor disrupts your life in a way that is harmful, then it is quite alright. You are not sick.

    As for your boyfriend.. That is a whole other subject! LOL
  3. Knots

    Knots Member

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    Every sexual activity will be disliked by someone. My personal example? Food stuff, I find smearing cream over yourself to be quite gross. Is there a problem with others doing it to themselves/to mutually consenting partners? No. Is there a problem with someone pinning me down and doing it to me without my consent? Yes. So basically, yeah "some people" see it as gross (lots of others don't), but as long as you don't subject them to it non consensually, all is fine.

    Personally, I see the appeal of Daddy/lg. Many elements of my dynamic with my slave are comparable to it (including referring to her as my little girl).

    There's some advice regarding getting vanilla BFs into kink on the FAQ at the top of this forum, I think.
  4. JettOnly

    JettOnly Member

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    I hope that you wouldnt be made to feel anything more then wellcome - at the end of the day we are all supposed to be here because we have a kink that isnt mainstream
    If it works for you both then you are doing noone any harm. TBH although I havent looked into it in any way I always thought the term 'daddy' made the dom sound a little more careing
    Although with the recent death of my own real dad I would totaly totaly freak if anyone even suggested it to me

    but its your thing - I bet I do some things you wouldnt like, we are all different

    As for how to get over these things
    How about reward based training for you both
    If he does something good you go slightly further with the blowjob thing
    Little steps but then you are both getting rewarded for something you are uncomfy with with something you like?

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    So had to get another user name because the oth one said I was using the incorrect password. Grrrrr...

    Thanks for the replies:) I feel more at ease now.

    @Knots: I looked through most of the pages on the faq- found nothing to that tune but lots of other useful info. A lot of it common sense but it's probably a good idea to make sure newbies know it. I might double check later.

    @Jettonly: He's getting rewarded by getting to enjoy things he normally wouldn't or at least I would not ask for. (His said his penis was candy.) And i'm of course being rewarded by having my fantasies fulfilled... Or did you mean in another way? I also plan to switch roles next time as he has expressed an interest in submission multiple times but was previously too weary to really follow through with it. And would you please elaborate on the training part? I think I know what you mean n idk if he or I would b into that.

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    Ohhhhhh... I get what you mean now! I could do that but not with oral sex- any farther n that would cross a hard boundary for me... Well I guess if we used a condom ejaculation would be a semi soft boundary... I'd probably have to be drunk. But throat fucking is a hard boundary n he's not really comfortable with that either. For me, throat fucking is one of those things I have major issues with. thinking about it turns me into a man hater for a few moments. Anal sex on the otherhand is a pretty soft boundary. And when he's got a clean anus n i've had a few drinks, combining anal n oral is ok:)

    Idk what other rewards to give me, though.
  7. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

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    I don't have a ton to add that others haven't said, but alcohol and BDSM really don't mix. I get that sometimes you'll have a bit before sex or whatever, that's fine, but if you start getting into pain play, etc, neither of you can be taking the risks that might bring. Obviously, if it's jut role playing, I still don't advise you drink first, but it's not so likely to lead to any bad problems.

    Back more on topic, switching's probably good for both of you at the beginning, to get an idea of what it's like to be giving or taking, and so on.
    And the FAQ recommends that, near the beginning, you give him control of how and how often you have sex. If you go with that, you can still set limits that he can't throatfuck you and so on.

    I might have a bit more to add later, but good luck/have fun.

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    @Smallest: we don't do pain play, except mild spanking. Neither of us are pain play or sadomasochism fans... Still, you are right, and we are trying to gwt to a point where wer cam do this without drinks.

    Why do you suggest lettung him choose when/how much? I haven't read the entire faq but most of it... Mustve been on the last few pages. He doesn't like being dominant, so that's why we're switching. I've also believe he's not really wanting to have sex as much anymore, because of either my pain (scared of hurting me) or stress...
  9. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

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    I assumed in DLG relationships that it is the same in the way that he's more in charge. I also made the mistake of assuming that though you're switching, you're 'actually' or 'usually' the sub. I also may have worded that wrong, because I meant if you use that advice from the FAQ, you can do it that way.

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    Ohhh... No I think I made the misleading mistake. "Relationship" makes ur seem like it's always this way our maybe a 24/7 or something. It is strictly a bedroom thing. He does not (yet) enjoy dominance. He does, however, enjoy the perks:) He has showed an interest in trying submission. I'm normally a very dominant person I in non sexual life... Which is wierd he even lines me a much as he does, because dominant and outspoken people seem to annoy him especially women... Maybe it's because sexually that's attractive to him? IDK, but he's willing to explore new thingd with me again so i'm happy:) we
    've been together for almost 4 years n the first two years of our relationship we explored all sorts of sexual things but then we stopped due to my sex issues.
  11. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    I have a few comments in the FAQ about how to kinkify a Nice Vanilla Boyfriend. You might find some useful suggestions in that. I think one important thing is to talk a lot. Find out what it is that upsets him enough that he needs alcohol to play. Then see if you can find solutions to those concerns. Does this sort of play make him feel evil? Why? Or is it that somehow it's hitting too close to home--that it arouses him and that scares him?

    You may also have to accept that he's just not as far into this scene as you are. Not every kinky person can be equally kinky. Yes, you're getting your kink satisfied, but don't make it at the expense of having his needs met. The best way to tackle all this stuff is lots of communication

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    We talk a lot... I have asked him specifically why and he said the role playing part (not necessarily the kink factor (although I'm sure rp as his gfs father yields some weirdness) it's awkward for him. He's kind of vanilla but not really... I mean most mainstream folks would not think to combine anal and oral, although it's pretty mainstream to do those things... Just saying.

    And we've got a pretty good give/take ratio going on. I suppoae what i'm asking is for ideas

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