MIRROR: Download from MEGA
Jey's right. Using safewords like that will help you know when the sub is experiencing something intense but enjoying it enough to keep going, and when the sub has run into something distressing and needs to be comforted instead of pushed further.
Bdsm play can awaken all sorts of intense feelings. Simply because they are intense doesn't mean they are unpleasant. Flogging a sub (or whatever other type of play you're doing) may help the sub open a door to feelings that were long closed off, so even if the sub is crying, s/he may feel deep relief at finally being able to express something that's been closed away. And because bdsm can get very primal, the sub can experience very confusing mixtures of feelings: happy and sad, afraid and triumphant, relaxed and angry.
A few months ago, my bondage mentor was teaching me, and he tied me up in a chair and starting torturing my tits. Bondage tends to make me anxious, so I usually keep my feelings closed down in that situation, but I love having my tits worked, and he was doing an excellent job with them. Suddenly, I began to get angry and growl. He sensed something important was happening, so he kept going, and I began to growl, snarl, and try to bite him. My normal anxieties (and my usual analytical side) receded and I just dropped into this very animalistic state. It was exhausting, and I loved it, even though at the time the primary emotion I was feeling was anger. Since then, my 'beast' (as I call it) surfaces regularly when I dom. It never gets out of control, and it's not angry when I'm in charge; instead, it wants to luxuriate in the power of hurting someone. So that one session with my mentor opened a door into a huge and marvelous part of me that has become an important part of my dom persona.
The boy that I mentioned before has given me a number of quite profound experiences with him; somehow I take him to places that no other dom has taken him to. Once I reduced him to tears by using a slapper on his ass. Yesterday, when I added an electric toothbrush to the slapper (alternated beating his ass and running the toothbrush over it), he literally began spasming, shaking so hard he could hardly control himself. After playing that way for a while I rolled him over and started slapping his balls, and he proceeded to have the most violent orgasm I've ever seen (thrashing all over the place like a seizure). He was unable to talk for several minutes and just lay there shuddering, and at one point nearly had a second totally unaided orgasm. I asked him twice if he was ok, and he nodded yes, so I just let him ride that wave and gently talked to him.
My point here is that subs can have very intense reactions to bdsm. Sometimes it's new even to them. And their reactions can very from scene to scene. What this means is that bdsm is unpredictable, and a wise dom makes allowance for that. So use safewords and if your sub starts doing something you haven't seen before, ask him/her for a color check (using the system Jey mentioned). If the sub can't respond with a clear Green, slow down or call a halt.
And even if the sub says Green but your instincts say otherwise, slow down. You don't have to go anywhere that you're scared to go with your sub. The first time my boy started to spasm yesterday, I thought "shit! What if he's having a heart attack or something similar?" So I backed off, held him close (to reduce the risk of him being hurt and to increase the sensation of being restricted, and I have to say, feeling him shudder was very arousing), and just whispered to him until the shuddering stopped. Then I went back to what I was doing. Ever time the shuddering got intense, I stopped. After 3 or 4 cycles like that, I decided that was enough for one day. I didn't want to push him too hard, since I was pretty sure this was new to him as well. Next time we play, I'll probably go a little harder on him, because we both have learned that he can take it.
Another thing to understand is that pain play releases endorphins into the body, to help the body cope with the pain. When those endorphins rise, they cause feelings of euphoria (this is the same thing as 'runner's high'). So even when the sub is experiencing negative feelings like shame, anger, and fear, the sub's body is experiencing pleasure. Thus a sub can easily be happy and crying at the same time.
Fileboom Premium Account
Keep2share Premium PRO Account