Dom-less (what now?)

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by sillylittlepet, Sep 12, 2010.

  1. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member


    Its not very fun being a sub without a master, but I'm not ready (or willing?) to find a new one yet. So, of course, I have some questions about the single life!

    Is it possible for someone to train themselves?

    What do dom's and sub's do without someone else? (if anything)

    Is BDSM something you need a partner for?
    I know a lot of people do self bondage, but that's not really what I'm talking about. Its hard to put it in words, I'm just thinking if there's a way to be a better sub without a master. Is such a thing possible?

    I really dont want a new master right now, but not doing anything just seems so wrong
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2010

    chibiTHETERRIBLE New Member

    slp, I truly know how you feel. I know that it made me feel awkward and pointless when my first Dom and I split. It's probably not what you want to hear but its just life, babe. You have to find small pleasures in your inner sub that get you through til you can play again. Eventually you will feel fine. Im not sure about 'self training,' but I do know that doing very naughty and humiliating things privately could help. think of things that you can do safely that you really enjoy, that maybe also make you feel low? (In that very special way).
  3. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    hehehe, there's nothing like having someone treat you like dirt and feeling on top of the world

    I thought that might be the answer, but I might as well ask! (thanks chibiT)
  4. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    I see the dom/sub relationship as being a little like the Taijitu (the yin-yang symbol). Neither is complete without the other. A dom cannot be dominant without someone to dominate, and a sub cannot be submissive without someone to submit to. Dom and sub can have deep capacity and potential to express their inner natures, but neither can do so without the other. That means that bdsm is inherently other-directed, and that's what gives bdsm relationships their strength. Each needs the other to be complete.
  5. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

    slp - this may sound far fetched, but have you considered investigating your other side? Many have said, and I believe, that most of us have both components in us.

    Since you already know what you liked as a sub, and you have experience with long distance and online experiences, why not try to help out a novice? What better way to work out some of your frustration (ha ha).

    Something in me hopes you won't. I like you as a sub, but I had to suggest it.

    Be crazy and step out of the box for a moment.

    Smile... My gut tells me you won't have to worry about this for long.
  6. Boundperil

    Boundperil Member

    Take the time to look at yourself and explore a bit. If you did a journal, still do it, if nothing else, reread your birth into the life.

    Maybe play a little, there are good people out there, that will just want to play as a session. I have many subs that I only play with on occasion, its fun, we laugh as much as we do play.

    And like L8 suggested, maybe switch for a bit.
  7. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    oh man, I never really considered the idea of switching!
    (lol l8night, why do you think I make a better sub?)

    It might be fun to play with a cute submissive!

    thanks for the advice everyone! <3
  8. kajmir

    kajmir Member

    SLP I command you to get Me a hot tea. 1 sugar, 1 milk, make sure it's hot. You have 2 minutes to get your nice little ass up those stairs and bring it back, failure to do so my dirty pet will result in a nipple clamping and my hand on your ass.

    I hope it helps, I know the tea will help me.

    And I agree with the big cock guy. :D
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2010
  9. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    Yes ma'am!
    Now to send this tea to Canada...

    (wait, who are you talking about? big cock guy?)
  10. kajmir

    kajmir Member

    How can you not notice, it's friggin HUGE! So big, so MEATY -purrrrrrrrrs-

    -looks at Sabastian, grins and runs-
  11. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member


    oh man now I get it XD
  12. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Sorry, girls. It's for boys only. You'll have to find your own.

    There's a scene in "My Favorite Year" when a drunk Peter O'Toole staggers into a woman's bathroom to pee. An older woman says "Sir, this is for ladies only!" To which he replies "So is this, but occasionally I need to run a little water through it." If only I could come up with a corresponding joke for guys.
  13. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    lol thats a wonderful joke

    I'm sure something will come to you eventually
  14. kajmir

    kajmir Member

    Only for boys...the big meaty ones always are.

    -sighs depressed-

    SLP shall we go eat some ice cream together and bitch about men?
  15. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

    slp - you just got it? All the times you saw that guy with the big cock?

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