My master just got a girlfriend...I need advice!

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by RRR1609, Apr 5, 2009.

  1. RRR1609

    RRR1609 Member

    My master just got a girlfriend, and i don't really know exactly what to think or do about it. He dated this girl for a while, but then broke up with her. While they were broken up, we started our relationship, but a few days ago he told me he was going back out with her. He said he still wants to continue our D/s relationship, but he's not going to tell his girlfriend about it. The thought of not having him as my master makes me really sad, so i don't want to end our relationship, I just am at a loss on how to respond to this. So my question is, are any of you subs in this same situation? Do your masters have girlfriends (or boyfriends)? How do you deal with this? Or, does anyone just have any advice or thoughts on this in general? Any thought would be appreciated. Thanks!!!

  2. MrAero

    MrAero Member

    well, isn't that cheating? I mean if the g/f doesn't know about it that sounds a little shady...
  3. RRR1609

    RRR1609 Member

    I'm not sure. My master and I don't do sexual things in our relationship, so I don't really know if it constitutes as cheating or not.
  4. MrAero

    MrAero Member

    oh ok, I see. Well, I can understand where he's coming from. The Dom/sub relationship is very important and even sacred in a way. if his girlfriend wouldn't be hurt by the act and you aren't doing anything sexual, then, in my book, it wouldn't constitute informing the g/f either.
  5. RRR1609

    RRR1609 Member

    I totally understand him not telling his girlfriend, my real problem is how should i respond to him having a girlfriend in general? I feel a little bit rejected, to be completely honest. I wish I could be enough for him. What is she giving him that I'm not? Aside from being his submissive, I am also his friend, and if it's a physical relationship he wants, I'd be willing to give him that to an extent. Maybe she is willing to go further than I am sexually or something. The only other thing I can think of is, because I am his sub, he doesn't view me completely as a normal or real woman, and he just wanted to date a normal person. He wants the best of both worlds, which is totally understandable. What are your thoughts on this?
  6. nix

    nix Guest

    He should tell his g/f. That's a little low...

    My opinion? Tell your master. You should be communicating with him, not a bunch of people on the net!
    As for practical suggestions though, maybe some sort of system where you serve both of them (if she's into that)?
  7. MrAero

    MrAero Member

    yes I agree, you need to let him know about how you feel.

    maybe he does want the best of both worlds and his current g/f just isn't into bdsm. you should ask him. or maybe it really is separate for him, since you and him aren't doing anything physical. haha I'm not sure. but don't feel rejected; if he really is your Dom, then you need to trust him that he knows what's best. but yes, first thing's first: talk to him. good luck!
  8. RRR1609

    RRR1609 Member

    You're right, nix, i will talk to master and tell him exactly what I'm feeling. As far as serving them both...i honestly don't like the idea of that. i don't know her at all, and I really don't like her because she's taking my master from me, haha!! Also, I don't like the idea of being submissive to a woman. I totally realize that a lot of people like that, and that's fine, but that's just not something I've really ever been into. I would probably get punished a whole lot of my master expected me to be submissive to her as well, haha!! However, I will talk to him about what he thinks about that. If it is what he wants, then I may give it a try. I have no idea if she would be into it or not. All i know is what he'd told me about her, I've never talked to her.
  9. RRR1609

    RRR1609 Member

    Also Nix, I'm afraid if he tells his girlfriend, she will be upset and make him choose between her or me....and he will choose her. That would devastate me.

    Mr. Aero, you're right as well. I need to trust him. He's never led me astray before. He's the type that always puts a lot of thought into things before going through with them. I'm sure he knows what he is doing.
  10. Sparrow69

    Sparrow69 Moderator

    well, as a master its his right to tell whom he pleases, and as a sub its your position to accept his wishes. if its not sexual, then so be it. While personally, I'd be open an honest, as i believe thats the best option, to each their own.
  11. Sashalust

    Sashalust Member

    When I got a girlfriend, my one male sub became jealous and upset about it, afraid that I would replace him with her. I had to reassure him that I still loved him and that she was not taking his place, that they occupied two different parts of my life neither one more important then the other. Though I did tell him that if it came down to it I would choose him over her, simply because he gives me less stress then she does, and listens a lot more as well and does not bitch as much either....:p
  12. ReallyGreen

    ReallyGreen Member

    Most people want a "kink" relationship and a "vanilla" relationship. You are the kink (intercourse or not) and he's looking to branch out. He doesn't consider you "girlfriend material", and if you're happy being a sub, great! If you want flowers and somebody to pick-out furniture with you probably should be looking for someone else yourself.

    Want my advice? Get a steady BF and do things normal people do; fancy restaurants, movies, painless sex, have some kids, fall asleep together watching HBO. Continue to see your dom weekly/bi-monthly and live your life to the fullest.

    PS: My current Dom has me (her sub), Her Dom, and her "take home to mom" BF.
  13. MrAero

    MrAero Member

    I can definitely understand that. I have both a girlfriend and sub. It works fine for me, you just have to make sure you draw clear lines between relationships so no one feels cheated.
  14. RRR1609

    RRR1609 Member

    I'm afraid I would feel like I am cheating on my boyfriend if I got a vanilla one. I'm afraid either my relationship with my master would suffer because I couldn't be 100% commited to him, or my relationship with the boyfriend would suffer b/c I wouldn't be 100% commited to him either. Heehee...I guess if I'm totally honest, I would really like it if my master was also my boyfriend, but I know he doesn't want that, so I guess I'll be content with my postion. You're totally right, I'm just here to add the kinkiness to his life, and for now, that's ok. I don't need a boyfriend, and am not in a place for a serious relationship. For now, I can live with that; however, down the road, something will have to change I guess...

    Thank you for advice! It was very insightful, and exactly what I needed to hear.
  15. RRR1609

    RRR1609 Member

    I talked to my master about how I am feeling, and he said about the same thing you just said. However, i think if he had to choose, he would choose I'm not going to make him choose, haha!!

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