A New Dom's story

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Frlskydingo, Jan 11, 2013.

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  1. Frlskydingo

    Frlskydingo New Member

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    Hello Readers,

    Frlsky here, new to the site, and the culture and this will be my first post, thanks
    for reading :D

    So i am new to this culture but I I have always had a fascination with bondage and submission mostly wanting to experiment with my submissive side. I am generally a pretty laid back down to earth guy, who is observant and can be a bit shy.

    What I found i was more desiring though was not so much to be told what to do, but want someone to play out a fantasy exactly the way i wanted it, where as when i talk to other subs they generally want to be told/made to do as there dom pleases, and they purely want to serve (within their limits of course).

    So i have been talking to both doms and subs/ masters and slaves,casuals, and ppl who live the lifestyle and have been getting a general idea about good guidlines to start with and what kind of relationship i was looking for, which I thought would just be very kinky sex so i can satisfy some of my fantasies if i could find someone willing.

    One night I received a simple "hello" in the chat messenger from a young woman and we started talking. She said she was a sub and asked me if i was a dom or something to that extent. I told her i was a sub but wanted to experiment with both roles, and i thought it would be a quick, pretty average conversation about our fantasies, and i would end up in the chatrooom 5 mins later talking shlt and trying to get a laugh/entertain my boredome.

    What I got was alot more then i could have ever dreamed... The young woman i was talking to told me abit about herself and what she was into, at first she told me how she loved reading bdsm romantic novels and we talked a little about some fantasies she was into, and ones that i would suggest and if she liked them ect we were both having abit of fun and we both agreed that the site is generally pretty boring mostly full of perverts looking for a quick release, and not so many people actually wanting to discuss indepth what they are really looking for.

    So as we were talking more and more about her fantasies and desires, and roleplaying in chat a bit, I was getting extrmeely turned on by the fact that she purely wanted to serve, and wanted to be told what to do. after some general fantasies she opened up more and eventually got enough confidence to share one of her most intimate desires: To be caged and treated like a pure slave/sub there to please her master in any way he wanted. she told me she truly aches for it,not just with sex but as a lifestyle as well.

    I was really turned on by this young woman and conversation went from sex to where are you from how old are u what do u do for a lving ect. we both jumped on webcam and spoke for about 4 hours.

    I was instantly gobsmacked with how beautiful she was, to give u an idea she is 5,8 short brown hair with brown rimmed classes and beautiful soft white skin. she was neither skinny nor overweight, or super fit, although she does swim and run. she seemed to be your average country girl, but i coudnt take my eyes off how beautiful she was.

    so having my pretty laid back, friendly, shyish additude transitioning into a dominant man, i have found that even tho she wants me to have all the control, I purely want to serve her deepest and darkest desires indefinitely, so i am learning to be dominant and controlling and the fact that it turns her on soo much drives me fucking crazy... I have never had more confidence in my life, and i feel like i am taking control of my life and being honest with myself and what i want for a change,

    I have always been a passive person, and have had 2 failed long term realtionships at 25 years of age, my first was with a girl who cheated on me, so she kinda walked all over me, the 2nd was an older women about 37 years old who was controlling and dominant( not in the bedroom, our sex was pretty boring and one dimentional) in the relatinship, and was always telling me what to do ect.

    So after these failed relationships i started searching into bdsm because i was very unsatisfied sexually. i wanted to try new things and find soemone to expereince these new ideas with.
    what i have found is more then i can every imagine, someone I can love with all my heart, a princess who i can spoil... and she is devoted to me completely... she is mine and mine only, as I am hers and hers only.

    I want to satisfy all her desires as a Dom.. but my controlling side is coming out too.. and it is an amazing experience.

    SO i guess i just wanted to say/ask

    "Can a shy down to earth/romantic, passive, open minded,observant person be a successful dom? I know there are times when i am just not able to always be that kinda person, whether its because of my mood or whaetver.. but i want to satisfy her.. but she wants more then just amazing sex she wants to be controlled and told what to do in everyday life situations....im sure she can understand there will be times when either one of us wont be in the mood but how to u minimise this? anyoen have idea on how we could give each other signs when we were/were not in mood/character for our usual "roles"

    thanks for listening to my story, i look forward to hearing your replies, and reading some of the topics in forum, feel free to talk to me anytime, i dont discriminate against age(be over 18 please :D ),sex or sexuality.

  2. sweetling91

    sweetling91 Member

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    Hi Frlskydingo ^^

    I'm new to all this also (I'm a sub), but I think I can sooth some of your fear of letting down your gf/sub.
    I think that your desire to fulfill her fantasies and your romantic side isn't at odds with your newly developing dominant side. As a dom you take control yes, but in order to be successful with a sub, both sides need to have similar fantasies/interests. It's a good thing that you were turned on by your conversation. That means that you would like to try them out too, so technically you are fulfilling your fantasies which just happen to be very satisfying for your gf/sub.
    As of how you can minimize the times in which you don't want to be dominant, that you have to work out with her. The best way to avoid hard feelings is to communicate. You can set up specific things which signal your or her need of down time.
  3. Frlskydingo

    Frlskydingo New Member

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    Hi and thanks for the reply :D yes i guess only time will tell how it develops. I guess ill jsut continue to read articles and stuff to get an idea how I can delevop myself and her to my pleasing heh heh. i have read a pretty good article http://www.submissiveloving.com/101things.html hope im allowed to post links, that has really kinda slapped the idea in my face how many rules i should have.. because i know she is desiring a 24/7 lifestyle, at the least 2-3 day "sessions" at a time. its kind of like wow... ok...gotta get used to this idea slowly lol

  4. Click here for more.
    Hi Friskdingo,
    You lucky chap!

    Listen - just enjoy what's happening and focus on keepng things safe for both of you.

    Is it a problem that you're really submissive, but the person you have found is also submissive? Absolutely not.

    Personally I'm a switch. I used to Dom many years ago, but that was because the girls I met wanted to be dominated, and hadn't a clue how to be Dommes, even if that was part of their fantasy.

    I find I can go between both "roles" pretty easily, and like you I think the thing that turns me on most is seeing the reaction of pleasure that a good session can produce.

    Remember also that lifestyle BDSM isn't that common. Our lives are complex enough already :)

    She may be demanding all of these things from you because she has harbored this fantasy for a long time, and now she has somebody to share it with she "wants it all, and she wants it now!"

    This woman sounds like somebody that you don't meet too often. Assuming there are no nasty surprises!

    One thing you can think about. Right now she is "topping from the bottom". In other words, because she knows you're not that experienced as a Dom, she's making all these demands on you.

    When you feel the time is right, tell her that you're ready to become her real Dom, and at that point you need to take control and set the schedule that you think is right for you, as well as for her.

    Mark that point with something like a punishment session. I can give you some suggestions on this if you think it's appropriate.

  5. Frlskydingo

    Frlskydingo New Member

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    Hi Stanley and thanks for your reply !
    She doesnt seem to demanding, i think shes more excited that her fantasies can become a reallity... and she can talk about anything with me.
    Yeah i have talked about switching it up maybe once every couple of months, where i would be the sub, even tho it would be very out of character for her, but I enjoy abit of pain.. and was kind of hard to bring up at first, but she said she is fine with it (after a brief period of being shocked) lol I owuld love some ideas about punishments ect all i can really think about is spanking,bounding ect. but most of the activities that are punishments i want to be doing in the "acts" in the first place. Like for example I would like to bound her, and tell her she is to be quiet while i spank her, and i start with soft playful spanks and work up to slightly hard spanks, until she moans/crys out ect. so she breaks my rule and now i have to punish her! :D
    so i was thinking along the lines of a ballgag at all times unless i need to ask her soemthing or use her mouth. we have spoken about this kind of play and it really turns her on! anways any ideas about punishments and rules i would love to hear them :D

  6. Click here for more.
    I always recommend the Tazapper.

    YouTube video of silly people being zapped in a non-sexual context. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUbzGl4gK7A

    US store for Tazapper: http://www.toystoysonline.com/electric2.htm

    UK store for Tazapper: http://www.devus.co.uk/zenstore/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=184&products_id=1044

    I know it's 30 pounds, but it's designed for safe use, and by the time you mess around with adapting other stuff you'll waste a lot more money than that.

    The reason I like it is that it's safe, and can be used on any part of the body.

    The pain level is "challenging". I personally would say it's a bit like a sharp blow from a strap, but it's difficult to make the comparison. The Tazapper doesn't leave marks, and it can be used repeatedly to "wear down" a sub.

    So the ideal scenario for you would be:

    • Secure the sub in a chair, or spread-eagle on a bed.
    • Gag her to keep the noise under control. Agree a "safe gesture" because she can't use a safe word now. The usual one is for her to shake her head in exaggerated manner repeatedly while saying "uh-uh" through the gag.
    • Blindfold her. This is the best part, because now she has no idea where you'll zap her.
    • Take it slowly. Talk to her, maybe as an interrogation scene (tricky if she's gagged). Or as a punishment.
    • Start on a less sensitive part of her body. The heel of the foot is a good one. Repeat a few times, and take your time between zaps. She will never know when it's going to happen, so most of the torture is psychological.
    • Move on to more and more sensitive areas. The soles of the feet are quite sensitive, so do her thighs or hips next. Her nipples are at the top end of the sensitivity scale, but I've know female subs who like to be zapped on their clit. I would think that's very, very painful. You can allow her to use her safeword ahead of a zap to somewhere like her nipples or clit by just telling her that's where she'll be punished next. For example you say "My goodness...your nipples are so erect - anyone would think you're enjoying this. Perhaps I should zap you there and see how you enjoy that!"

    If you don't want to buy a Tazapper then a rubber band can be surprisingly effective. Choose a thick one, like they use in the post office to hold letters together. Stretch it over your index finger, and fire it at her tummy, or thighs, or breasts. The key here is the repetition. Each impact isn't that bad, but when it's repeated again and again it can drive a sub to breaking point.

    You can also slip a rubber band over her naked foot, and pull it back to snap against her sole. Same on her upper arms, and a larger band slipped over her thighs. The thigh is actually the best target IMHO, but you need to be careful to find a rubber band that is not going to constrict her blood supply, and that has enough spare play to allow you to pull it back and hold it for several seconds so she doesn't know exactly when the impact will hit her. Bands like that can leave the same kind of marks as a riding crop, so please be careful if you're not experienced with impact play.

    Last edited: Jan 11, 2013
  7. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Frisky: Welcome and congratulations on your self-discovery. It seems to me that what you're really asking is "can an easy-going guy really learn to be a dom?" The answer to that question is absolutely yes, because I'm living proof. If you knew me socially, you'd know I'm laid-back, mellow, friendly but reserved, thoughtful, caring guy who is also a very aggressive and demanding dom who enjoys inflicting pain and humiliation on his slave. These two sides to me are much less contradictory than they seem at first glance, because they are compliments to each other. BDSM provides balance by offering my caring nurturing side a rest. Being dominant, demanding, and sadistic allows me a chance to relax and be selfish so that my generally giving nature can recharge itself.

    The best doms are the ones who are sensitive enough to others' needs that they know when to be demanding and when to back off and be supportive and gentle. Our desire to help others allows us to enjoy giving a slave the harsh treatment he needs.

    So the contradiction you're feeling is more theoretical than actual. You're just the sort of guy who can grow into being a 'real dom'.
  8. subarama30

    subarama30 Member

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    You don't have to be 100% Dom 100% of the time. It's possible to have a softer side in the same way subs can have forceful personalities. You can be anything you want to be.

    I think she maybe wanting to run before she walks with wanting 24/7 lifestyle. That's a fantasy right now, you have to get the basics in place first and figure out exactly what you both like and what does/doesn't work.
  9. Frlskydingo

    Frlskydingo New Member

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    thanks for all the replys everyone i appreciate it :D
  10. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Subarama's right--24/7 is a goal to work toward, not something for newbies to jump into. It's much more challenging than it seems.

    Try setting a day/evening when you'll be dom and she'll be a slave. Agree that she'll obey within what ever pre-set limits you've agreed to, and then once the day is over, have a conversation as equals about what did and didn't work. As a nice guy, you'll need this to help you learn to be in charge.
  11. Sir's pretty pet

    Sir's pretty pet New Member

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    Hi Frisky!

    I love your story and the way you met your sub because it is similar to my own. I am a sub, however.

    My Dom is something like what you describe yourself as. He is playful, funny, down to earth, caring, sensitive to others and their feelings, sweet, thoughtful, and he does the cutest damn things sometimes. At the same time though he is direct, firm, confident in my submission to him, and doesn't take rule breaking lightly.

    When I first met him I was like your sub in that I was crazy enthusiastic and I wanted it all right then and there! We live a ways apart and can't see each other as often as your average couple which helped me put the breaks on my need-it-now attitude, but he helped as well.

    Something I enjoyed a lot were daily tasks. They didn't require a lot of domineering from him, but kept me enthralled all day. Small things like: take a picture of each meal so I can make sure you are making healthy choices, or I want you to research (insert bdsm theme here) and give me a full report of your thoughts/feelings/interpretation when I get home from work.

    Things like the daily tasks gave me the lifestyle feel I wanted, but didn't require him to be on top of me all of the time. Something like this might be a good idea for you two.

    Hope I helped!
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