From Vanilla to D/S - Story and Questions (Long!)

sebastian · Apr 10, 2012

Regarding prostitution:
1) It is not legal in Vegas. Some counties in Neveda have it, but others don't, including Vegas. So you'll have to drive outside of Vegas to find a legal ho.
2) Prostitution is legal almost everywhere outside of the US and the Middle East. Canada, Most of Europe, etc. The rules vary (for example, in England, a prostitute can bring a client home, but cannot operate out of a brothel, and no streetwalking, whereas in the Netherlands, brothels are legal but IIRC streetwalking is not).

Regarding finding a third: if your poppet feels like she has too much control in this, try reframing the activity. Order her to find a third. That way it becomes a service to you.

Glad things are going well.

Smallest · Apr 11, 2012

In most of Canada, I believe prostitution is legal, but soliciting one is not. A rule to protect them, you know.

Also, I'd be super paranoid about bringing one in- especially living somewhere where they aren't legal. You have to worry about STDs and so on, plus if your threesome isn't vanilla and you just spring it on her that's not really fair? Though of course it isn't the worst they see

sebastian · Apr 11, 2012

Good point, Smallest. If you're going to involve a professional, seek out on who specializes in BDSM. If you can't find a pro-sub, seek out a prodomme and ask her if she knows any pro-subs. They do exist, although they're less common than prodommes. One advantage of a professional here is that much of what they do is legal in the US as long as no genitals are involved. It is not a crime to pay a woman to let you spank her, even though it's a crime to ask her to suck your cock while you spank her. A professional fetish model might agree to sub for you as well.

One advantage to professional sex workers is that they usually get medical testing, so you're less likely to get an infection from them than from an illegal sex worker.

Smallest · Apr 12, 2012

Your last line is exactly what I meant by 'especially living somewhere where they aren't legal.'

Also, be careful about asking fetish models, some of them are really touchy about being mistaken for sex workers. I'm not saying not to, I'm sure there are lots of good (and pretty) takers, but be careful.

Personals can work wonders, also. Try a fetish dating site, maybe?

Revenance · Apr 12, 2012

Thanks for the advice folks! In response to your warnings, I am also a little paranoid about STDs, but I suppose that's a risk you take whenever you get in bed with anyone you don't know for a fact is clean. I mean, I'm concerned about the prostitutes having a disease, but I'm just as concerned about the random girl we find at a club having a disease. Safe sex would be an obvious must. As mentioned by Sebastian, we would definitely want to make sure the sex worker has medical papers, although that's not full-proof either.

Also, our first foray with a prostitute will not likely be a full on BDSM experience. If she is cool with some of the elements we like to bring in, sure, but if it's just a vanilla three-some, that's perfectly fine for the time being. BDSM with a third is something we'll likely explore after the initial experience.

sebastian · Apr 12, 2012

It's worth remembering that there is no such thing as 100% safe sex. If I get a negative AIDS test today, it means that I was clean as of about 6 weeks ago. If I contracted HIV yesterday, I'll show up clean today. This is true for most STD tests, although some have much narrower windows than the HIV test. Nor is abstinence from sex an absolute guarantee, since most STDs, as well as AIDS, can be transmitted through non-sexual means as well. And some diseases, such as herpes, can lie dormant in the body for years before becoming active, so just because you know your partner was clean for the past several years doesn't mean s/he might not transmit herpes to you at some point.

The best we can hope for is reasonably safe sex. If you're not monogamous, get tested regularly, talk to your partners about their status, choose partners that you think are trust-worthy, know what kinds of activities can transmit which diseases, and use condoms for vaginal and anal sex. With precautions like these, you can lower your risk of getting a disease very substantially. You just can't totally eliminate it.

Aibo · Apr 12, 2012

You said that prostitution is legal almost everywhere outside of the US.

Sorry I beg to differ.

Europe:
It is legal in Austria, Germany, Greece, Germany, Latvia and Switzerland.
Add France and Belgium which have a law against brothels. but where they're found anyhow.

Prostitution is illegal in Albania, Belarus, Bulgaria, Island, Lithuania, Norway, Russia, Serbia, Slovenia, Sweden .... so bottom line is not 'most' but..... I be nice to you and say bout Â½ or so for Europe.

In the Middle East prostitution is illegal in all countries but Turkey which have a somewhat ambiguous legislation.

In the Far East prostitution is illegal in most countries that include Burma, China Indonesia, Laos, Philippines etc etc.

...easier to say prostitution is allowed in India, Japan possibly Malaysia. Though a little bit uncertain on the last one there.

sebastian · Apr 13, 2012

Aibo: Ok, let's get specific. If I say prostitution is legal, that means it's fully legal. If I say semi-legal, that either means that brothels are illegal but solo prostitution is legal or that selling sex is legal but buying sex is illegal. If I say it's illegal, it's illegal. If I say it's semi-illegal, it's technically against the law, but there are very easy legal dodges that virtually nullify the illegality (such as temporary marriages that last only a few hours). There is a lot of complexity to these laws, so I might list as legal countries that are closer to semi-legal.

It's legal in Belgium, Cyprus, Finland, Hungary, Italy, Latvia, Estonia, Luxembourg, the Netherlands, Poland, and Portugal. It is semi-legal in the Czech Republic and UK, Denmark, France, Iceland, Norway, Spain and Sweden. Nowhere in Western or Central Europe is it fully illegal, but as you say it is illegal in much of Eastern Europe, but semi-legal in Bulgaria and legal in Slovakia. It is legal in much of Australia and NZ. In the Middle East it is legal in Armenia, Turkey, Israel, semi-legal in Lebanon, and semi-ilegal in Iran. It is legal or semi-legal in most of Latin America other than Suriname and Guyana, but illegal in most of the Caribbean, including Cuba (but legal in the Dominican Republic). It is semi-legal in India, Bangladesh, Japan, Malaysia, Indonesia, Singapore, but illegal in China, the Koreas, and Cambodia. In Thailand and the Philippines (and arguably Vietnam), it is semi-illegal, while in Japan it is illegal only if vaginal penetration occurs. It's legal in a couple of Central Asian countries, but, as you say, illegal in Russia. In Africa, it's fully legal in only a couple of countries, but semi-legal in about a third of the continent, illegal elsewhere (surprisingly, Morocco is considering legalizing it). It's legal in Canada.

So to summarize, it's legal or semi-legal in more countries than it's fully illegal in, but more illegal than legal based on population (given the large population of China and Russia. Additionally, while it is illegal in many countries, enforcement can be extremely lax, which makes it functionally legal much of the time. So, once you subtract the US and most of the Middle East, I think it's reasonable to say that prostitution is legal more than it's illegal.

WrathofThor · Apr 13, 2012

Haven't posted here in a long time, but I was wandering the net on my day off and came upon your post and feel compelled to give some input.

1) As soon as I read the first paragraph, I guessed you were overweight. I don't know the exact state of your physical fitness, but I believe you can solve about 50% of all your problems here by getting into shape. Your emotions and personality are directly linked to your hormones, and by exercising you will start pumping out testosterone which is going to make you feel like a man. Get sweaty, get hard, go learn how to fight, lift some weights, get punched in the face - feel ALIVE and you'll stop feeling like there is a big wet twat between your legs. Your girlfriend will notice it, and it will demand respect without any action or pretense on your part, and she may even stop looking at other guys. Plus, your dick will get rock hard and stay so much longer. You will be instantly granted the confidence you need. I don't believe it's something that can be LEARNED - it's something that is EARNED.

2) Your fiance is a shameless slut. The fact that she is open to being controlled and dominated by you means she may be pushing your buttons to evoke a response, acting out like a little girl begging to be punished or disciplined. Don't be so nice to her, and don't ever sulk in front of her. She is asking you to be assertive. Don't leave it up to her to tell the guy not to grab her ass - next time that happens, tell him to back the fuck off, and if she looks like she enjoyed it then punish her for it later. You will probably feel vindicated, and she will get her rocks off.

3) It seems like she is the dominant one, not you. Even if you are dominant in the bedroom and in the home life, the reality is that you feel like you've found the best pussy the world has to offer and are willing to put so much of yourself into it, but if you decided to leave she would likely replace you with a new sex partner very quickly. Yes, love is a very strong force, but I'm talking about exactly what you said - animal magnetism. Why does she admit to being with people "out of her league"? It's because she has control over how they control her. There's nothing wrong with this as long as you realize you're her slave. I really believe the only way to be "truly" dominant is to have the power to be happy and free without your partner, otherwise you are a slave to how they make you feel. I'm sure you will have no problem dominating the whores you may pay to have a threesome with because they are expendable to you and you could walk away easily without any second thoughts.

4) Realize that I'm not advocating any lifestyle at all, and in fact am a slave to love against all my better judgment and have consistently found myself in this position because.. one word - LOVE. I don't really consider myself a "dominant", and wasn't born the alpha-male, but I've worked damn hard to earn my assertiveness and I know when I go out with my girlfriend she will never look at anyone sexually, not to mention flirt, and if men don't already know to keep their hands off they will learn very quickly. I used to fight this part of myself, try to accommodate my partners' freedom, until I realized I don't have to. I'm possessive, I don't share, and so what if I'm perceived as an asshole? I'm happier this way. That may not be the way for you because you may be a much more tolerant guy than I am, and compromise is a beautiful thing (which I have had to do in many other ways), but don't ever be ashamed of your feelings, especially if you're a man and they involve having a pair of balls.

5) Consider this: the typical alpha-male asshole has absolutely no problem dominating women because he is wired that way. That's not you, and it's not me, but we come from the same primordial soup and sensitive guys like us can learn from that while holding onto our yielding, feminine qualities and offer women something that is all too rare in this world - a strong man that actually cares.

sebastian · Apr 13, 2012

Hey, Thor! Nice to see you back. Hope you stay--you make some good points here.

From Vanilla to D/S - Story and Questions (Long!)

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