A few questions

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by misskerstyn, Mar 21, 2013.

  1. misskerstyn

    misskerstyn New Member

    I am dating a man, I have yet to have sex with. He recently told me he is a Dom.
    My questions are:
    What would be my role as a sub?
    Is it intimate?
    Will this have a negative or positive effect on the current relationship (for him)?
    Is it out of line for me to ask him not to kiss me or touch me if it isn't necessary (balance, etc)?

    I am very open and curious, though I have some personal problem from my past.
    So far, since I've been sexually active, I've only had no kissing, no touching, no foreplay, doggy-style for 5 minutes, send me home immediately sex.
     
  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Miss K: Have you read through the Newcomer's FAQ? We put that together to help novices figure out some of the basics of BDSM. So if you haven't read that, start there and then ask us your questions.
     
  3. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    What would be my role as a sub?
    You and him would decide this. Generally it's to serve him sexually
    Is it intimate?
    In most cases yes, depends on the relationship
    Will this have a negative or positive effect on the current relationship (for him)?
    For him, positive probably.
    Is it out of line for me to ask him not to kiss me or touch me if it isn't necessary (balance, etc)?
    Yes. You can ALWAYS set your limits.

    Like Sebastian said, you might want to read the FAQ so you can get better bearings and ask more questions.
     
  4. BDSM Underground

    BDSM Underground New Member

    Sebastian, and Smallest gave good advice. The only thing I can really emphasize is communication, communication, communication. When my GF and I were starting to get into this world we agreed to communicate our do's and do not's. Along with our desires and fantasy's even if we thought them to be embarasing. That has both strengthened our relationship, and help us enjoy and explore this world with ease.
     
  5. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Communication is absolutely vital to successful BDSM. Parts of BDSM play involve a lot of illusion--the illusion that the sub is not consenting, the illusion that the sub wants play to stop, the illusion that the sub has no choices. So without communication, it gets very easy for the dom and sub to misunderstand what the other needs and wants and feels. And when that happens, the sub is almost guaranteed to end up unhappy and angry, and the dom has a good chance of that as well.
     

Share This Page